


Under the Mistletoe

by 4Kennedy



Category: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: Angst, Christmas, F/F, Feelings, First Time, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 13:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2193522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4Kennedy/pseuds/4Kennedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Christmas is coming closer even the Connor household gets into the seasonal spirit. Prompt 'Getting caught under the mistletoe'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the story is PG-13, but there's a bit NC-17 stuff towards the end.

At quarter to seven in the morning on the first of December, the sun began to rise slowly over the horizon. The air was still chilly from the relatively cold night.

A shiver was running through Sarah’s body and goose bumps covered her bare arms as she stepped onto the porch. She breathed in the fresh air deeply, trying to let her mind be cleared and the last remnants of one of her usual nightmares be scared away. 

Of course it wasn’t working that easily. Nothing was ever easy, especially not when it came to her life, anyways. So she started her morning routine, hoping to ease her mind at least somewhat with some stretching, a lot of pull-ups on the metal swing set, push-ups on the damp grass, and at last some T’ai-Chi-Ch’uan exercises.

At some point during her workout Sarah became aware of a familiar tingly feeling in her neck. Someone was watching her and she knew exactly who it was.

Cameron. 

It was always her.

Sarah could feel how her muscles tensed. It was a mystery to her why the terminator had made it kind of a habit of watching her. It was annoying to catch the girl using every opportunity to analyse her, when she thought she wasn't paying attention to her.

That’s why she had told Cameron to stop doing it and to find another hobby. Her sarcastic tone was, like always, lost on the terminator. 

Sarah didn't even bother to ask for an explanation, for the reason why the terminator seemed to have such an interest in her and ticked it off as an odd quirk of Cameron's programming. She assumed that there were a lot of things she didn’t know about the terminator and she surely didn’t care about Cameron’s intentions as long as she did what she was supposed to do: Protect John and support them trying to prevent the creation of Skynet. Their daily business.

Everything else that went beyond that was not within reach for Sarah; she didn’t want it to be. Every time she caught a short glimpse of what laid underneath Cameron’s programming, when she seemed like a normal girl and it made her forget what she really was, it scared and disturbed her. The only logical response for her was to push it away as far as possible. 

Still the terminator kept studying her, not as obvious as before and a little more subtle, but Sarah could feel the secret looks, just like she did feel it right now. Years of fighting and running had sharpened Sarah’s senses; she needed to be cautious and aware of her surroundings in every moment. Cameron was observing her from the kitchen window, hidden behind the curtain, using only a small slit to see outside. It made Sarah growl in frustration.

When Sarah had finished her training, she wiped away the sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand and went into the house through the backdoor, which led into the kitchen. She really needed Cameron to understand that she couldn’t keep staring at her all the time. There was no legitimate reason for it; nothing excused behaviour like this. It made Sarah nervous. It sent a trickle of cold fear down her spine, it made her heart rate kicking up slightly and her stomach flutter.

Entering the kitchen, Sarah spotted the terminator sitting at the kitchen table, looking up to her from a school book in total innocence.

“Good morning,” Cameron greeted her, lifting the right corner of her mouth into a barely visible smile, which nonetheless didn’t go past Sarah unnoticed. “Coffee? I made it the way you like it.”

Did Cameron try to twist her around her finger? Now that was just cheating.

“Oh no, I’m not going to be fooled by that,” Sarah said glaring at her. “I told you to stop studying me like a damn lab rat, girlie, and don’t pretend that you weren’t, because I know you were watching me again,” Sarah told her with a warning finger pointed at the terminator, her voice strained and angry.

With a furrowed brow she saw Cameron’s gaze drop, her eyes now focused on the table top, giving the impression of an abused animal, shying away from her.

It made Sarah even angrier. She was angry with Cameron, for getting constantly better in simulating human behaviour, triggering sympathy in her where it was totally wasted on her. A terminator surely didn’t bother whether she felt some sympathy or not. Though Sarah tried to never let it show through and covered the slightest hints with unnecessary harshness, verbal and physical, towards Cameron.

And Sarah was angry with Cameron’s programmer. Why did they have to make her so perfect, so appealing? Wouldn’t she blend in easier if she was looking more ordinary? It was distracting and deceptive.

“I’m sorry that you feel uncomfortable about it. I just… “ the terminator started, but hesitated briefly before she continued. “… like to watch you.”

“Why the hell would you? Are you cataloguing me for future reference in case you go evil terminator and want to kill me again?” Sarah snapped at her sarcastically. Cameron could kill her anytime without knowing a thing about her; the human body was fragile.

Sarah hadn’t forgotten how Cameron had chased John and her after the car explosion. She hadn’t forgotten how the terminator had put a foot on her belly to push the broken piece of glass deeper into her body so that she would cry out in pain for John to help her. And what she certainly would never forget, what hunted her in her dreams, were Cameron’s cold, expressionless eyes, which stared down on her like she was an insect.

“No,” Cameron assured her quickly, but still didn’t look up at her. “I like to watch you because I think you’re beautiful.” Finally she raised her head, their eyes met and Sarah could see the sincerity in Cameron’s brown orbs. They were no longer expressionless. This wasn’t a killer machine looking at her, it was simply Cameron.

Something twisted in Sarah's chest, almost violently at the revelation of the girl. It wasn’t quite the answer she had expected, so the words hit her completely unprepared. For a few seconds she was at a total loss for words. She just stared at the terminator dumbstruck, mouth open in surprise and bewilderment.

“Don't piss in my neck and say it's raining!” Sarah threw her arms up in surrender, not knowing what else she could reply she stormed out of the kitchen. “God dammit!”

*****

At half past five in the evening on the sixth of December Sarah's mood was finally lifting. After she had been mad at John and Riley for decorating the whole house without asking for her permission, she actually had come to like it.

Sarah was standing in the doorframe of the living room, leaning against the wooden frame with a small, unconscious smile on her lips.

John and Cameron were adding the final touches of the decoration to the Christmas tree, hanging a Christmas bauble here and there and draping it with tinsels. Sarah couldn’t even remember when it had been the last time they’d had a tree and she had to admit that the whole scene made quite a heart-warming picture.

“It looks very nice,” Sarah commented to Cameron, when the terminator was walking over to her.

After their weird encounter in the kitchen some days ago, her attitude towards the girl was changing slowly. Sarah wasn’t quite sure what had triggered it exactly; maybe it was just the stupid Christmas mood she found herself in without wanting to, but it made her feel more relaxed. Her home was more a home now if that made sense.

“Thank you,” the girl replied, flashing her a wide smile and making Sarah wonder if it was genuine. “It’s a very common tradition. The legend has it that Martin Luther began it about the year 1500. He was walking through the woods, the snow-covered branches of the evergreens were shimmering in the moonlight and he was struck by the beauty of it. Later at home he set up a fir tree. He decorated it with candles in honour of Christ’s birth and lit them to simulate the starlit heaven.”

Sarah had to smirk at the explanation she’d received without asking for one. She had never really cared that much about Christmas; she couldn’t afford the luxury of getting lost in such a sentimental holiday, it was too dangerous. Besides, they never had stayed at a place long enough so that they could call it home. This year everything seemed to be different.

The smirk was wiped away from Sarah’s face as Cameron took another step towards her, clearly invading her personal space and coming so close that their bodies were almost touching, their body heat mingling between them.

“Mistletoe,” Cameron said pointing above their heads where a sprig of the plant was hanging. “Another common tradition. Exchanging kisses under it is a sign of friendship and goodwill. Whenever enemies met under it, they had to lay down their weapons and observe a truce until the next day.” 

There was no accusation in Cameron’s pitch of the voice, yet it was affecting Sarah. “You’re not an enemy, Cameron. You’re an alley, you’re fighting on our side,” Sarah told her, following the need to assure that to the terminator and also to herself.

“I represent everything you hate and fear. No matter how hard I try I will always be what I am,” Cameron tilted her head, leaning towards the other woman until they were only inches apart. “But I will fight on your side as long as I’m capable of. I will protect you and John. I promise.” Almost in slow motion the girl was leaning in, tilting her head a little bit to the side and closing her eyes.

Sarah felt a light touch of Cameron’s fingers on her arm. She took a sharp intake of breath, holding it in pent-up excitement. Cameron was about to kiss her. “I know you will,” she whispered, closing her eyes in surrender. After all, she was standing under mistletoe.

But Cameron’s lips were only grazing her cheek instead of her lips; the contact lasted not even a second and Sarah’s stomach dropped in unexpected disappointment.

“It is also said that if a couple in love exchanges a kiss under the mistletoe, it is interpreted as a promise to marry, as well as a prediction of happiness and long life,” Cameron informed her with an unwavering gaze, but Sarah could have sworn that she saw a flash of amusement in the girl’s eyes.

However Sarah had no chance to comment the remark, Cameron had already backed off, brushing past her and heading upstairs.

“What?” Sarah asked John, who was grinning at her triumphantly. She could feel her ears burning.

“Nothing,” John answered, shrugging and still smiling in satisfaction. “It was just kinda cute and you’re red like a beetroot.”


	2. Chapter 2

At eight in the morning on the tenth of December, Sarah had just finished her morning training session and came back into the house to find the kitchen empty. Once again. Like every day since the first of the month. There was no Cameron in sight. The only hint that the girl already had been in the kitchen was the full coffee pot, waiting for her with the switched on machine, so that the dark liquor wouldn’t get cold.

How thoughtful of her, Sarah pondered on the terminator’s behaviour, looking at the coffee pot incredulously. It was such a small sign of Cameron and still it showed so much. The girl really seemed to care for her and was aware of her habits like to first enjoy a cup of coffee after her workout instead of heading for the shower directly.

One and a half week ago Sarah had interpreted it as an attempt to twist her around her finger, to pull her in even more and it had made her angry. Today she saw it in a different light. It made her feel attended to. It was nice that someone paid attention to her. She didn’t get a lot of it from John these days; he preferred to spend his time with Riley and when there was a chance to talk, they were mostly arguing. And as for Derek, he wasn’t around that much either, but Sarah honestly didn’t give a damn.

So it was basically Cameron and her most of the time, especially since John had dropped out of school, which automatically made it unnecessary for the terminator to go as well. Thinking about it, Sarah came to the conclusion that they were quite accustomed to each other by now. She didn’t tense every time the girl walked into the room and the hatred she had felt during the first weeks had diminished tremendously. Unlike her mind and emotions, her body had responded to the undeniable attractiveness of the girl right away and as everything else was changing, this wasn’t.

Sighing, Sarah took a mug and filled it, savouring the smell of the beverage. She carefully took a sip, it was just the way she liked it. Of course. She let her thoughts wander some more, leaning against the kitchen counter.

During the last couple of days she had found herself contemplating and thinking about Cameron increasingly. Sarah blamed the damn Christmas mood; it made her mushy and sentimental. Both her body and mind, were longing for closeness, some comforting, and to give in at least a little bit. It was influencing her train of thoughts. She was also craving some other things where she didn’t want her thoughts to even start to go to.

Sarah had to admit that it saddened her a little that the terminator had taken her request to stop watching her seriously and was considerate of it. In particular, since she had discovered some intriguing things about Cameron. They’d made her very curious, afraid, and excited. She was desperate to find out more.

John had told her and had tried to explain to his mother that there was more to the terminator than she thought there was. Some part of Sarah already knew or at least suspected it, but the rest of her didn’t want to accept it and was still struggling with it. It wasn’t something to grasp just like that.

Cameron was continuously evolving, evolving beyond her programming, learning, and experiencing. She wasn’t simulating human behaviour like she had thought; she was just learning how to express what she was feeling.

Feelings. John had actually insisted that Cameron was able to feel, even if only to a certain degree. But he wasn’t sure how it worked, couldn’t tell her how similar the sensations Cameron interpreted as feelings were to theirs.

Of course Sarah had asked him, how he could be so sure. She could tell that he was keeping something back from her. His answer was devastating. For weeks Cameron had come to seek advice from him, explained to him what she was experiencing and wanting to know how to deal with it. The girl truly believed that she had a crush on her. It was all a little bit too much for Sarah; she had left the room without another word and fled to the garage to hit the bag for hours.

It was four days ago that she had found out the truth. Right after Cameron had given her a light, sweet kiss on the cheek, John felt constrained to let her in on the terminator’s secret.

Sarah’s head was spinning from all the thinking and her stomach was constantly in an emotional rollercoaster.

Trying to push everything aside for a moment, Sarah placed the now empty mug into the sink and left the kitchen with the intention to head upstairs and to enjoy a long shower. However, the plan changed when she came by the living room, spotting Cameron sitting on the couch, her legs bent at the knees and her feet tucked beneath her. The girl was engrossed in a book, reading and turning the pages with an incredible speed.

And Cameron was humming. It was scarcely audible, but Sarah heard it nonetheless. She stared at her in a mixture of disbelief and fascination, trying to figure out which song it was, but coming up blank.

“Are you humming?” Sarah asked the terminator with obvious amazement. She would’ve never expected from the terminator to do something so human. It was just as fascinating as seeing her dancing ballet. Every time Sarah secretly watched her when the girl practiced, she was mesmerized by the soft, delicate movements Cameron’s body was capable of.

“Yes.” Cameron looked up to her, slightly furrowing her brows. “Did I disturb you? That was not my intention. I will read on in quietness.

“No, you didn’t disturb me.” Sarah didn’t enter the living room, consciously standing in the door frame. Her curiosity was getting the better of her. So far she had only spoken to John about Cameron, but couldn’t bring herself to talk to the girl directly. Maybe she should give it a try; maybe it would help her to sort things out if she had more information. “Why were you doing it at all?”

There was a sceptical look on Cameron’s face now. “Humans hum for many different reasons. It is associated with various moods, it’s a way of showing your current emotional state,” Cameron replied instantly, watching the other woman closely as if deciding what it was she wanted to hear from her.

Normally, Sarah would have clarified for the hundredth time that she was not in the least a human being, but somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to say it, as if it would upset the girl. “So you were humming to appear more human and to blend in convincingly or…,” Sarah trailed off, feeling stupid for even considering any other option and wondering if the girl had told her this on purpose. It gave her the impression that she wanted her to know that she had moods, that she was feeling something, which she expressed through humming.

“There’s no point in pretending to you that I’m human, because you know that I’m not,” Cameron stated, folding the book up and laying it aside, her attention completely focused on the other woman. She had noticed the difference, the way in which Sarah had spoken the words. It wasn’t meant as an accusation, she was trying to understand her.

Sarah sighed. Obviously the girl wasn’t going to make this any easier for her. “Are you saying that… does that mean you …felt like humming?” She shifted nervously from one foot to the other; it made her uncomfortable to have this kind of conversation with Cameron. It was like stepping into unexplored terrain, yet she couldn’t resist.

“Maybe. I didn’t make the conscious decision to hum, there was no direct command from me and nevertheless, I was doing it,” the terminator explained, sounding cautious and even surprised by her own behaviour.

There was only one possible conclusion Sarah could draw. “Do I wanna know which emotional state you were showing?” she questioned further, her eyes leaving Cameron’s features and investigating her toe-caps instead. It was an awkward situation and Sarah knew she couldn’t be bearing it to look into Cameron’s brown eyes when she would say what she thought the girl was about to say.

“Probably not,” Cameron replied and offered her a shy smile. Her sensors easily picked up on the different physiological indicators of Sarah’s body as well as her body language. The other woman was torn. This was the most difficult emotional condition for the terminator in general, because the interpretation of the sensory data couldn’t tell her for sure how to handle the situation. She was on her own.

Sarah nodded in understanding, still staring at the floor and chewing on her bottom lip. “Can you come over for a second?” she wanted to know after several moments, finally daring to look at Cameron again.

With a puzzled facial expression the terminator rose from her seated position on the couch and walked slowly towards the other woman, her hips swaying with every step. It made Sarah gulp, suddenly her mouth felt very dry.

It won’t mean anything, it won’t mean anything, it won’t mean anything, Sarah repeated in her mind countless times like a mantra. It’ll only be a small sign of gratitude, that’s all.

When the girl was standing right in front of her, closer as necessary and appropriate, looking at her expectantly and innocent, Sarah had to take in a deep breath to calm her nerves.

“Is there anything you need?” Cameron asked in her deadpan monotone, but somehow the question had triggered a change in Sarah’s biochemical signals. She registered a speeding-up of her pulse, her pupils were dilated and her body temperature had risen, which made her cheeks flush. These sensory data were easy to decipher for the terminator. Sarah’s body was responding to the closeness of hers and her own was responding too. It made something twitch in the area near Cameron’s bellybutton.

“I… I just wanted to let you know that I… appreciate your help.” It was lame, Sarah knew that. How was she supposed to concentrate with the girl so close? “I don’t show it very often and I certainly never have said it before, but I’m glad that the John of the future has sent you back.” Finally she had been able to say those words to the terminator. They had been on her mind for a while, but they never came out when she tried to.

They looked into each others eyes, silently communicating. The atmosphere around them seemed to charge with electricity.

Cameron wanted to say something, her lips already had parted, but she never had the chance to get out one syllable.

Before Sarah could change her mind she moved forward and brought their lips together. She held her breath and didn’t dare to do anything more as letting her lips only linger on Cameron’s. It was soft and sweet. And not enough.

The urge to wrap her arms around the girl’s neck, to bring their bodies into full contact and to kiss her thoroughly was pulling at Sarah. But she couldn’t cave into this just like this, she wasn’t ready.

Not yet, Sarah admitted to herself. Slowly she ended the contact, taking a step back and trying to collect her thoughts.

Cameron’s eyes fluttered open, watching her intensely and tilting her head a little to the side to show her confusion. The kiss, which had lasted exactly 4.7 seconds, had only been a meeting of their lips and yet it had affected her systems. There were small electrical jolts in her stomach, probably a minor short circuit; even though Cameron couldn’t detect it. She decided that it didn’t matter as it was a very pleasant sensation.

“Mistletoe,” Sarah explained, pointing above their heads and smiling widely for a split second, before she was able to wipe it from her face. Her heart was pounding in her chest, she felt dizzy, and her knees were wobbly. Cameron must have noticed it, because small, strong hands were gently gripping her shoulders and kept her stable.

“I see.” A small, satisfied smile graced Cameron’s features, her thumb stroking tenderly the bare skin of Sarah’s shoulder and holding onto the other woman longer than required. To her surprise Sarah let the contact happen and even placed a hand on hers.

*****

At quarter past midnight on the fourteenth of December, Cameron was sitting bolt upright on the couch in the living room. The TV was switched on, but she didn’t pay any attention to it. It was only a background noise, a cover in case John or Derek would enter the room. She didn’t need the TV program to keep her occupied; she had something way more interesting to study instead.

Cameron’s gaze was focused intensely on the raven-haired woman using her lap as a pillow and sleeping easefully. It was a rare occasion that Sarah’s sleep was untroubled; having monitored it for months, the terminator knew that the mother of all destiny was haunted by nightmares almost every night. Tonight had been no exception at first.

They had watched an old black-and-white movie together, sitting apart half a meter. The distance between them caused an odd ache in Cameron’s chest, which was actually somewhat painful, but the girl still didn’t activate the pain suppressor. Everything she felt in connection to Sarah Connor was worth being felt. She was the one who had opened that door for her and the terminator never wanted to go back to before, no matter what it would take. Some pain was a small prize to pay.

After the first twenty minutes of the movie were over, in which Cameron had glanced at Sarah thirty times and Sarah had glimpsed at her twenty-four times, the raven-haired woman seemed to have come to a decision. As she was sliding over to her centimetre for centimetre, the ache in the terminator’s chest turned into a prickle. When Sarah finally had laid her head on Cameron’s shoulder and their bodies were pressed slightly to each other’s sides, the electrical jolts were back in her stomach and her temperature rose until she felt really hot.

They didn’t speak; there was no need for it. Even though Cameron would have liked to ask the other woman if it was okay when she would lay an arm around her. It took her fifty-three seconds to decide, which was extremely long for a terminator, but she didn’t want Sarah to pull back from her and had to consider it elaborately.

Relief washed over the brunette girl as Sarah smiled against her shoulder and placed a hand on her stomach, after Cameron had draped an arm around the other woman, pressing her against her sturdy frame.

Another twenty minutes later and Sarah was asleep, making Cameron smile and letting her register a further increase of affection for the other woman. It was a huge amount of trust Sarah displayed. It meant a lot to Cameron. But it didn’t take Sarah long to slip into a nightmare, her features contorted in anxiety and pain, groaning occasionally and the hand on the terminator’s stomach was clenched into a fist, gripping her shirt tightly.

It took Cameron a while, but finally she had been able to soothe Sarah without waking her up. She had pulled her as close as possible and stroked her back evenly, attaching her lips lightly to her forehead and humming the same song she had hummed four days ago. When Sarah had finally calmed down again, Cameron lowered her into a recumbent position on the couch and placing her head on her thighs.

As the girl continued to look down at Sarah, her face showed the affection she felt openly; there was no reason to hide it behind a blank mask, everyone was asleep. No one would catch her. Hesitantly she raised a hand, bringing it close to the other woman’s head, wanting to touch her so badly. When her fingers met Sarah’s soft, dark hair, she couldn’t repress a sigh. She gently caressed it for a moment before her hand wandered delicately over Sarah’s arm and settling on her side in the curve just above her hip.

It wasn’t until the break of dawn that Cameron moved again and only because Sarah was about to wake up. Figuring that it would startle and embarrass the other woman to find herself snuggled up against the terminator, Cameron shifted her carefully and stood up, leaving the living room after she had tugged a cushion under Sarah’s head as a substitute for her legs.


	3. Chapter 3

At four in the afternoon on the sixteenth of December, the sun was already setting and in an hour it would disappear behind the horizon completely. Even in sunny California the days were growing shorter in the winter, they were grey and unpleasant. It was the time of the year were you wanted to drink hot chocolate, bake cookies, and stay inside the house the whole day, preferably cuddled with someone under a warm blanket on the couch.

Sarah growled at these stupid thoughts. It was pathetic and she was making a fool of herself by imagining that it was her and Cameron wrapped up in a blanket. It was something that would never happen, at least not in the universe she was living in.

Screaming in irritation, she hit the bag forcefully. Again and again and again, unable to stop and simmering with rage.

Knowing that Cameron had feelings didn’t make things easier, it made everything even more complicated. Before Sarah knew that the terminator was capable to feel, it was simple. For her, Cameron had been a killer machine without any emotions; a tool. The terminator was just following orders, which were programmed into her system, nothing more.

Whatever Sarah might have felt towards her would have been trifled anyways. Even if the girl had reacted, it would have been a lie and so it had been a lot easier for Sarah to repress it and to not act on it. Before John had let her in on Cameron’s secret, she could also tell herself that the physical attraction for the brunette was only caused by her loneliness and that she was just craving the next best body available.

Now everything had shifted. They had shifted and without wanting to Sarah felt herself drawn to Cameron more and more. All those little things, which have happened between them especially during the last two weeks, had their implications.

Sarah was livid, but for a change she wasn’t mad at the girl or her programmers; she was angry with herself. After working so hard on not only being tough and strong physically, but especially mentally, how could she allow a terminator to get to her, to make her lower her guard so much?

Because it wasn’t fake what Cameron was feeling, Sarah had seen and experienced it herself. It was very real for the terminator and this made it real for her as well. There was no black and white, good and evil, right and wrong, humans and cybernetic organisms any longer.

It had all become a blurry, grey mass and she was drifting through it helplessly. If there was one thing Sarah couldn’t stand, it was feeling helpless.

Still hitting the bag without cease or slowing down, Sarah tried to make up her mind. It was clear that she had to come to a decision sooner or later, especially as Cameron seemed to be pretty sure about what she wanted.

So far the girl hadn’t said anything to her directly, but since John had told Sarah that Cameron had a crush on her, she had paid more attention to the terminator’s behaviour towards her. The signs were there and she realized that they had been there for a while. It was her own fault; she had been too self-absorbed, too irritated, and too distracted by everything else to notice them. And first of all she hadn’t wanted to notice them.

Nevertheless, Sarah had willingly accepted the small but increasingly friendly approaches the terminator had offered, like laying an arm around her shoulders when they were watching a movie together two days ago. Even worse she herself had initiated some of the physical contact between them. She had been the one who had kissed Cameron on the lips under the mistletoe, no matter if it had lasted mere seconds and she had slipped over to the girl on the couch to lean against her.

They were obviously gravitating towards each other whenever there was a possibility. Sarah couldn’t deny the fact that she was indeed comforted and a little bit less edgy when she allowed herself to simply comply with her otherwise deep buried longings.

“Mom?” John was suddenly standing in the garage, startling Sarah out of her reverie. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” the raven-haired woman grunted, only looking briefly at her son and continued to smash her taped fists into the sandbag. “What is it?”

John took some cautious steps towards his mother, eyeing her critically. “I just wanted to check on you,” he admitted, sounding actually concerned and unsure. “You have been in here for hours.”

“I’m fine,” Sarah assured him, switching from straight forward punches to uppercuts. “I needed to get out of the house for a while… to be alone and to think.” She emphasized the word ‘alone’, hoping that John would get the hint and leave.

“Let me guess…” he said, smiling, ignoring her wish to be by herself. He knew her better than anyone else. Maybe she wanted to be left alone, but what she really needed was someone to talk to. “You were thinking about Cameron, probably making a list of the pros and cons.”

Sarah stopped hitting the bag and stilled its swinging movements by holding it between her hands. “I don’t wanna talk about her,” she snorted. It was already difficult enough for her to even start to contemplate the messed up situation. How could she possibly talk to someone else and with her son nonetheless?

John shrugged, taking one of her hands in his and starting to remove the tape. “Well, I’m honestly not that interested in discussing the love life of my mother either, if that helps.“

Sarah offered him a weak smile. If his hair were still long enough she would have ruffled it right now. Apparently the Christmas season didn’t leave him unaffected, too. It was like having the old John back, before he became a rebellious teenager, trying to live his own life and withdrawing himself from her increasingly. “Nothing has really happened so far, don’t worry.”

Sighing exaggeratedly he let the finished hand drop and took the other one. “See, that’s the point, Mom. I’m not worried or freaked out about this. You don’t have to be considerate of me. The one thing, the only person who’s standing in the way is you.”

Sarah withdrew her hand and grabbed the bottle of water, which she had brought with her, from the shelf next to her, taking some big gulps to play for time. “You make it sound so damn easy.” She had to laugh dryly, wondering how this could be simple and obvious for her son, when she had never been this torn before. Furthermore she had a lot of good reasons to stand in her own way.

“Because it is. You worry too much about counterpoints and all the possible things, which can go wrong instead of seeing all the brownie points. You give yourself such a hard time, because you think it just has to be wrong to act on this, that you can’t allow yourself to take the chance,” John explained to her seriously. “But all the reasons to argue against it are only an excuse for you to chicken out.”

Sarah looked at him taken aback. The least she had expected from John was a telling-off and first of all not encouragement. “Wow that was quite a speech. This had been on your mind for a while, huh?” She meant jokingly, not knowing what else she could reply. Her son saw right through her and seemed to understand the whole situation with Cameron way better than her; it was a little bit intimidating.

“You’re evading,” John said in a light tone. “And it’s fine if you don’t wanna talk about it with me. It’s already awkward enough to talk to Cameron. She’s not very reserved with the truth, you know?” He couldn’t meet her eyes when he told her that and looked away.

If Sarah had been drinking at that moment, she surely would have choked on the water. She knew how blunt Cameron could be and thinking about all the possible things, which the girl might have said to her son made her blush in embarrassment. “Yeah, she can be a little too direct sometimes,” Sarah agreed, sounding apologetic.

“That’s an understatement. But as long as you both will spare me the details, when you’ll go third base or hitting a home run, I’ll live.” John laughed nervously, juddering over his head and still avoiding Sarah’s gaze. The conversation made him very uncomfortable and glancing at his mother she wasn’t that comfortable either. “Anyways, I only needed to get if off my chest and I wanted to let you know, that whatever you’re going to decide is okay for me and that I won’t be scarred for life.”

“So you’re giving me the green light?” Sarah joked, shaking her head slightly in disbelief. A part of her had wished that John would make the decision easier for her, talk some sense into her and he did, but certainly not in the way she had expected.

“Mom, you don’t need my approval. It sound a little cheesy, but we all want a normal life and to be happy, but it’s nearly impossible for us, with Skynet, Judgement Day, and everything else what’s going on. It could be over every day, so we get our piece of happiness, where ever we can find it and however small it is,” he explained, hoping that Sarah would understand what he was trying to tell her. He had to admit that it wasn’t as selfless as it might have seemed. Of course he was also talking of himself, wishing that his mother would finally accept his relationship with Riley.

“When did you become so wise, Yoda?” Sarah wondered, smiling at him. John’s concern and intentions were touching, even though she knew exactly that he hadn’t been referring only to her and Cameron, that he also meant himself and Riley. Still, it felt good to see that he was more caring about her than she had thought.

“It’s a natural talent,” he answered with faked seriousness, a tiny smirk giving him away. “It comes in handy when you’re the future leader of mankind. So you should better listen to me.”

“I will try to,” Sarah promised, patting him on the shoulder. “Thank you.”

“De nada,” John responded in Spanish. “You deserve some happiness or at least a distraction from all the fighting and the bad stuff.” He turned around, walking away from her and when he was almost outside the garage he called back to her over his shoulder: “And in case you haven’t noticed, she’s pretty hot. That’s definitely one of the brownie points.”

“John Connor!” she shouted warningly after him with her arms akimbo, but he had already left the garage.

No five seconds later he popped his head in the doorway and flashed her another wide grin. “Oh, and come back into the house. Cameron baked cookies. She didn’t even want to give me one, because she baked them for you.”

For Sarah’s taste, he seemed to enjoy her discomfort and liked to tease her a little too much. Well, it was probably better as when he would hate her and evade her even more for hitting it off with a terminator. If it was really going to happen at all. She sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Of course she did.”

*****

Half an hour later Sarah entered the kitchen freshly showered and with her temper calmed somewhat, the wonderful and comforting smell of warm cookies easing her mind additionally. The confusion and the inner conflict were still there, but slowly John’s words began to sink in, helping her to find the way out of the blurry, grey mass gradually.

Cameron was standing at the sink, washing the implements she had used with her arms in the water up to her elbows. Her back was turned to Sarah and the raven-haired woman took the opportunity to let her eyes wander over the girl’s delicate curves, imagining that her hands were following the same path and wondering what it would be like to touch, to explore every inch of her. It was so very tempting to walk over to Cameron, sneak her arms around her waist from behind and place soft kisses along her slender neck, whereas her hands would roam freely over all the alluring spots.

Sarah’s body reacted instantly, making her gulp. She shivered and her skin flushed with need. Whilst her mind might not have come to a decision, her libido certainly had; it never failed in responding to the terminator’s presence.

“Smells delicious,” she said awkwardly, walking over to the girl like she had imagined and forcing herself to stop several feet away from Cameron to prevent that her self-restraint would crumble and make her fantasy come true.

Wiping her hands on a towel, Cameron turned around and looked at her questioningly. She had noticed signs of arousal in Sarah before, but they’d always followed some sort of stimulation. It was one of Cameron’s favourite things to do, to find something new to add to the list of situations and actions which had caused these intriguing changes in Sarah’s body.

Mostly it was enough to just step into her personal space and Sarah’s breath would hitch, her heartbeat would speed up. Right now Sarah’s physiological signals indicated sexual stimulation without any effort on her part. It was fascinating and it made Cameron wonder what had caused it. She would have liked to ask the other woman about it.

“The cookies. I meant the cookies. They smell great,” Sarah clarified just to be on the safe side and cleared her throat.

A mysterious smile came to Cameron’s lips. “Please help yourself.” She gestured towards a plate full of cookies waiting for the raven-haired woman on the kitchen counter. “I made them for you.” Her processors were busy calculating how she could use Sarah’s aroused state for her advantage and what action she could take to get what she wanted. Maybe this was the opportunity to kiss Sarah. And this time not only a brief meeting of their lips, but rather a real kiss. Like lovers would share one. The prospect of it evoked a twitching sensation between Cameron’s legs.

“So I’ve been told.” It had sounded grumpier than Sarah had intended to. It was hard for her to believe that a terminator had actually baked cookies for her when all this species had brought to her life was pain and fear. It showed once more how different Cameron was from all the other terminators she had met before, good or bad. “What kind of cookies are these?”

“Cranberry Oatmeal Cookies.”

Hesitantly Sarah took one of the cookies, studied it sceptical at first before she finally took a bite. As soon as she had finished it the raven-haired woman took another one, chewing with a pleased smile. “They’re really good,” she admitted surprised. “I had no idea you can bake.”

The compliment and Sarah’s delighted facial expression made Cameron smile and she knew it was one of self-satisfaction. “Baking is one of my subroutines. The John of the future wiped my memories before he reprogrammed me, but he told me that I was originally programmed to infiltrate encampments of the resistance, to observe them and to live among them without raising any suspicion.”

Cameron had shared this with Sarah imprudently and would have thought that the raven-haired woman even might have liked the idea that she hadn’t been a simple killer machine, only built to bring death and destruction, before John had given her a new purpose. But when she saw Sarah’s face harden and the warmth of her eyes diminished noticeable, Cameron realized that Sarah hadn’t taken the information positively.

“I can hardly imagine that they’ll bake cookies in the future, after Judgement Day and when all what the world will be is a battlefield,” Sarah could hear the bitterness in her voice clearly. To picture the future never failed to make her heart ache painfully, provoking hatred for the machines in its wake automatically.

“They don’t, but some of the resistance fighters remember how they used to bake with their parents when they were little or made them before Christmas as teenagers, it’s a part of the human culture. To know how to bake, to have similar childhood memories was a helpful asset to the mission. It’s convincing, it made them trust me more easily,” Cameron said and immediately registered the further changes it caused in Sarah. There was no hint of arousal any longer, she noticed disappointed, it had been completely replaced by irritation. She had obviously blown her chance to bring their relationship one step further.

Hot anger was crawling through Sarah’s veins at this revelation and she pushed the plate of cookies away from her, suddenly disgusted.

“You don’t have childhood memories! You never were a child,” Sarah spat at her. “Is that what you’re trying to do, Tin Miss? To make me trust you even more and you think I’ll do that just because you baked cookies for me?” It was so easy and strangely comforting to fall into old habits. To yell at the girl, to take her rage out on her was a reflex, an opportunity to get some distance between them when they were getting dangerously close. It had always worked and Sarah hoped that it would work now too.

Even though Cameron could construe the physiological signals of the other woman, it didn’t help her to understand Sarah’s harsh reaction. She had obviously upset Sarah with her words, but she didn’t know why they distressed her. Sarah had always been aware of the fact that she’d had a past and that she had been originally programmed for another cause as to protect John Connor.

What Cameron knew for sure was that she didn’t wanted the other woman to be mad at her. She needed to make it right again. “That was not the intention in which I have baked for you.”

Sarah tried to tell herself that she didn’t care what Cameron’s intentions were. She wanted to not care like she had before the simple fact that the girl was less of a machine and more of a human than she had thought, had turned her world upside down.

It was then that she realized that there was no getting back to before and that she indeed did care, whether she wanted to or not. “What were your intentions then?” Sarah asked through gritted teeth, not daring to look at the terminator directly, instead she propped her hands flat on the kitchen counter, staring at the workplate with her head hanging between her shoulders.

Cameron rarely hesitated to answer. John had told her, that she was often too honest, too carefree with the truth and the terminator hadn’t understood why humans sometimes preferred to be left in the dark and being lied to. In this moment however she could comprehend what he had meant. Sarah already was angry and she didn’t want to cause her even more distress by telling her the whole truth.

“Well?” Sarah urged her without looking up to her when Cameron didn’t say anything. “Tell me.”

Cameron pursed her lips in a pout as it seemed to be an appropriate reaction. “I wanted to make you smile,” the girl answered truthfully, finding herself incapable of lying to the other woman.

It was silent in the kitchen for a few moments.

“That’s all you’ve got? You wanted to make me smile?” Sarah asked in a mixture of annoyance and astonishment, still studying the workplate.

The terminator hesitated again, before she finally replied. “Smell is connected to memories. A certain smell can trigger a specific memory. I thought that the smell of cookies would make you happy and smile, because it reminds you of your childhood. I know from John that your favourite memory of your mother is how you used to bake cookies with her before Christmas,” she explained, discarding the plan to leave Sarah in the dark. There had been no other choice for her as telling the truth. The raven-haired woman saw in everything she did a trick in bad faith, it wasn’t helpful to accomplish her self-declared mission to seduce and win the heart of Sarah Connor. Cameron needed her to see that she only intended to do something nice for her.

Sarah didn’t say anything. Instead she slumped even more over the kitchen counter, her body starting to shake. It was all a little too much, too overwhelming and maybe, she thought, she was finally losing it. One second she was enraged by Cameron’s words and actions, the next second she was moved by her. The terminator had baked for her with the view to make her happy, because it would trigger a happy memory of her youth. Sarah had to repeat it in her head over and over, cutting deeper into her armour every time.

She was all messed up on the girl and the emotional instability, which was brought with it, left her confused and distraught. She wanted to cry and she wanted to laugh. She wanted to run away and she wanted to hold her tight. Meanwhile her shoulders were quivering more violently.

“Are you okay?” Cameron asked, coming one step closer and timidly reaching out to her with one hand. It ached to see the other woman in such a miserable state. It seemed that it didn’t matter what she did or said, it was always wrong and she always made things worse.

When Sarah felt Cameron’s small hand on her back, the warmth of it seeping through the fabric of her shirt and eliciting a prickling impulse, a strangled sob escaped her lips. The suddenly welled up emotions brought tears to her eyes, making her blink rapidly to keep them at bay. “No, I’m not okay! Do I look okay to you?!” Her tone was hostile and desperate. She hated it how the girl made her feel; she hated it how weak she sometimes was.

Sarah trembled, biting on her bottom lip and squeezing her eyes shut, but she couldn’t stop the tears from escaping and they fell in big drops onto the counter. Cameron’s hand on her back grazed upwards until she closed it around her upper arm, not very firm but still determined.

It took only a light tug and Sarah turned into her direction. Cameron didn’t waver; she closed the remaining distance between them with another step, closing her arms around the other woman and pulling her in hard.

She held Sarah tightly pressed against her, the full body contact caused her systems to jump briefly with an overflow of sensory data, registering everything there was to notice about the other woman.

Almost immediately Sarah began to struggle against her. She squirmed in the girl’s arms, but it was, of course, useless. “Don’t!” she said forcefully, still writhing. “Let go of me!”

Cameron knew that what she was doing or what she tried to do was to hug Sarah; she had seen humans embracing each other many times on TV and in real life. It was supposed to comfort the raven-haired woman, to ease her distress, though she continued to try to free herself. “I only want to help you. Please let me.”

“No! Stop it!” Sarah screamed and started to hit the terminator’s chest with clenched fists. “Don’t touch me!” She kept pummelling Cameron, even though she knew that it didn’t have any effect and that she had no chance of escaping.

“Please,” Cameron repeated, holding the struggling Sarah in her arms and willingly accepting the punches. They weren’t strong enough to actually cause any damages; still her programming told her to step back from the other woman and to leave her alone. It would ease the situation and there was no point in staying as it had no share in her mission to prevent Judgement Day.

But Cameron couldn’t let go of Sarah, despite the fact that the other woman was trying very hard to shove her away, she enjoyed being so close and feeling Sarah’s curves pressed against her own and so she overwrote the command.

Eventually Sarah gave up and the terminator was glad for it. Otherwise, she would have to let go of her soon anyways, so that she wouldn’t harm the other woman when she had to use too much strength to keep her in her arms.

“Let go of me,” Sarah said again, but this time it was barely a whisper. Tears were still running down her cheeks and her shoulders were heaving with her sobs.

Cameron didn’t say anything. Instead, she pulled the other woman even closer, laying a hand on the back of her head so that it came to a resting place on her shoulder.

She could hear Sarah taking in some shaky breaths, trying to calm her nerves, before she finally surrendered by bringing her arms up and wrapping them around her neck, finally returning the embrace.

It made the terminator smile in relief and she was content with simply holding Sarah in her arms, monitoring her still erratic breathing and the occasional sobs. She had wanted to know what it would feel like to have the other woman in her arms like that ever since she had seen John holding and comforting his mother when she broke down after they had buried Cromartie in the dessert in Mexico. She had been only a bystander then, it had taken her a lot to ignore the impulse to rush over to Sarah and to mimic John’s gesture.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry,” Cameron whispered after a while against her hair and placed a kiss there, feeling Sarah slightly shudder in response. “Are you suffering from PMS? Is that the reason for your unpredictable mood swings?” the terminator asked in an attempt to cheer Sarah up and it worked to her surprise as she was rewarded with light chuckling.

“I wish it were so,” Sarah mumbled, her eyes were closed and one thumb was stroking the back of Cameron’s neck at the hairline lazily. She was so emotional worn-out that she couldn’t deny herself the solace Cameron offered. The warmth of the girl’s body, her soft curves were alarmingly comforting and tempting at the same time. When she breathed in deeply, Sarah could smell orange blossoms with a hint of vanilla. Cameron. Her heart kicked against her ribs. “I’m just very confused. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, for a start, you can let me hold you a little longer.”

Many minutes passed by and neither of them let go or even moved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that the Sarah/John part wasn't too boring, but as their relationship is an important part of the show I had to include it in the story too.


	4. Chapter 4

At two at midday on the seventeenth of December, Sarah fought her way back to consciousness from a very deep sleep. Her eyelids felt heavy, her whole body was aching and numb at the same time. She could hear voices, but they were faint. A wave of panic and disorientation washed over her. Something was wrong and something bad had happened. She needed to find out what was going on and where she was.

When she finally managed to open her eyes, her vision was blurry and a piercing pain shot through her. Sarah struggled through the pain and tried to concentrate on the fuzzy shape that was most likely a face, blinking several times until she was able to focus her vision. It was John, sitting right beside the bed and worry was etched into his features.

“Welcome back,” her son said with a relieved smile, squeezing her hand. 

The panic subsided immediately; she was at home and her son was safe, that was all that mattered. 

Slowly, also the rest of her room became clear. Sarah could make out Derek, standing right behind John, his arms crossed over his chest, looking as grumpy as always. 

As for Cameron, the brunette girl was nowhere to be seen. It gave Sarah’s heart a small twinge, making her wonder what she had expected of the girl in the first place. To show concern that she was hurt or relief that she was conscious again?

Well, she had to admit to herself that she would have liked it if Cameron displayed some solicitousness. It was disappointing as it had been only a day ago that the terminator had baked cookies for her and had hugged her to comfort her and was now not even in the room to check on her. It confused her. 

Sarah had to ask herself for the hundredth time how much of it were real and how much was wishful thinking or simply part of the girl’s programming. John had claimed that Cameron had feelings and nonetheless feelings for her, which Sarah had come around to accept after a while. But wouldn’t Cameron be here in the room with the boys to watch over her and to wait until she regained consciousness again when those feelings were genuine?

Those thoughts made her feel like she was in an infinite loop, contemplating over the same subject over and over again without making any real progress.

“What…,” Sarah started, not wanting to think about Cameron right now, but found her voice raw and weak. She forced herself to finish the question. “What happened?” 

John brushed a strand of hair from her face. “You hit your head pretty bad. I don’t think it’s a concussion, but you were out for a while.” He took a glass of water from the nightstand and handed it to her. “How are you feeling?”

Sarah gladly accepted the glass and sat up. “Like I was hit by a truck,” she admitted, taking some cautious sips. She heard Derek snort, but ignored it and stayed focused on her son. “I’ll be fine.”

“Do you remember what happened?” John asked her. He already knew the answer from Cameron; she had told him right away when she had walked in the front door, the seemingly lifeless body of his mother in her arms. 

She’s dead, John had thought and for a few seconds he felt the world crashing down on him. “John, calm down,” Cameron said, obviously picking up on his blood pressure or something like that. “She‘s alive and she’s going to be okay.” He could’ve sworn that he saw how Cameron had pressed Sarah harder against herself; anxiety was clearly visible on her face. The girl knew that she hadn’t had to hide her emotions for his mother behind an expressionless mask; he was her confidant and co-conspirator. “She will be fine,” the girl repeated as if to assure them both and then she had told him the rest of the story.

Rubbing her forehead Sarah tried to recall the events before she had blacked out. Images were flashing in her mind, too quick to make out anything specific at first. Maybe it would help if she started a little bit earlier, before something didn’t go like plan. 

“Cameron and I were in an alley, checking out an abandoned building. The address is related to one of the names on the wall.” Sarah remembered also how her gaze had constantly drifted downwards when the terminator had walked in front of her, appreciating how nice fitting the jeans and her shirt were. Of course she kept that information to herself. 

“And suddenly there was someone on a motorcycle, heading straight for us. There wasn’t anything nearby where we could’ve taken cover,” Sarah continued. The shots, which fell afterwards echoed in her head. It all had happened so fast. “I remember pulling out my gun and starting to shoot, but that’s about it,” she said shrugging helplessly.

“You wanna know why?” Derek asked sulky, joining the conversation. He didn’t wait for her reply. “Because that damn machine knocked you out! The truck that hit you was her!” The anger and hate was clearly audible in his voice, it was always there and when Cameron gave him an actual reason to blame her for something, his general irritation with the machines immediately took the opportunity to burst out.

Sarah winced at his loudness, the knocking between her temples increased as well as the worry for the girl. Was Cameron malfunctioning again? Did they remove her chip? She imagined her lying motionless on the ground, her skull cut open. It made her stomach churn. “What are you talking about?!” Cameron wouldn’t turn on them again, wouldn’t betray her, would she? This just couldn’t be happening once more.

Derek started to pace up and down. “I told you before, that that thing is dangerous and that she can’t be trusted. She’s a liability and we have to avoid any unnecessary and additional risk. We should tear her apart and burn her down.” It didn’t sound like a suggestion; it was more an order as anything else. He stated it like it was the only logical reaction to the events and as it had already been decided.

“No!” Sarah said forcefully, maybe a little too quick and too definitive. Both Derek and John looked at her taken aback. “Cameron isn’t a threat. She could’ve killed me easily if she wanted to, but I’m not lying dead in an alley. Besides I don’t see any bullet wounds on me, do you?” She was grateful that she was able to think a little clearer by now, realizing that Cameron couldn’t be malfunctioning, because otherwise she wouldn’t be alive. So either Derek was lying, which certainly wouldn’t be the first time, only to get rid of the terminator or it wasn’t the whole story.

“Don’t you see how she has twisted you around her metal fingers?” Derek wanted to know, his voice still raised and aggravated. “I don’t get you and you know what? I really don’t give a damn anymore. If you wanna trust a terminator blindly and let yourself be infiltrated by her, your call, but when she has another glitch and kills John, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.” Then he stormed out of the room and shortly after that they could hear the slamming of the front door.

Sarah looked at her son, who had kept himself out of the discussion and she wondered why he hadn’t defended Cameron, his protector, the only one who was really capable of keeping him safe. “Please tell me you don’t agree with him.” She felt a bit sad for Derek. His hatred was eating away at him from the inside and it wasn’t a future Sarah wished for her son and also not for herself, even though she had been already halfway down that road. This was before Cameron had entered their lives.

“Of course I don’t, but there’s no point in arguing with him about it. There’s nothing that would make him change his mind,” John answered, shaking his head. “But I can understand, why he behaves the way he does. He has spent almost his whole life fighting the machines, so I guess it’s not easy to suddenly trust one of them.”

They fell silent, both lost in thought and trying to imagine what it must be like to fight in a war you couldn’t possibly win, always on the verge of starvation, living underground in constant fear and the earth burnt. It was awaiting them too. It would become their own future when they couldn’t stop it from happening.

It wasn’t long until they heard footsteps coming up the stairs and as soon as Sarah saw Cameron a small smile crept on her lips and she sighed in relief. She had been foolish to picture the terminator deactivated and with her chip removed. They were both alright, which probably wouldn’t be the case if Cameron were human.

John had watched the change in his mother’s facial expression and turned on the chair to find out what had caused it and shook his head slightly in amusement. It was so obvious how much she was into Cameron and he wondered how she was still able to deny it to herself. “Well, I should get going. I’ve got a study group in twenty minutes. Cameron can keep you company and will have an eye on you.” Even though he tried to keep his face straight, he wasn’t completely successful and his delight was also audible.

“When will you be back?” Sarah asked, deciding to not respond to his remark. She watched him stand up and lean over to her to place a kiss on the top of her head.

“I’ll be home for dinner and I don’t think Derek will come back very soon, so the two of you’ll have the house all to yourselves for at least five hours,” John whispered the last part conspiratorial while he was still close to her and said then somewhat louder: “Should I bring some Chinese take-away with me?”

“Sure,” was all Sarah was able to reply, too stunned by his suggestive tone and still too woozy to come up with something smart or sarcastic to retort. Why did he enjoy it so much to banter her about Cameron? 

John winked at her and walked out of the room calling over his shoulder: “See you later, Mom.”

“Yeah, later! Be careful,” she called after him, her eyes on Cameron, who hadn’t entered the room and stood on the doorsill rigidly. Usually the girl didn’t show such a reservation when it came to privacy. It was weird. “Why don’t you come in?”

Cameron thought of answering, but dismissed it, interpreting the question as an invitation. Besides, she had her reasons, why she hadn’t entered Sarah’s room without permission; she just would prefer the other woman to not knowing them. 

When she walked across the room, the girl kept her gaze straight forward without glancing at Sarah for once. “I have brought you some painkillers,” she said uninflected, placing a bottle of pills on the nightstand and turning away almost instantly to leave the room again. The ache, which she was experiencing since the incident in the alley, had gotten worse since she had entered the room and was highly unpleasant.

The impulse to reach out and grab Cameron’s wrist to keep her from leaving tugged at Sarah. “Wait.” 

It was strange how unaffected Derek’s words had left her, well not in the way they probably should have affected her. He had told her that the terminator was the cause of her pain, reminding her about how dangerous Cameron really was, what incredible strength lay hidden in her petite body. 

But Sarah wanted to trust her, needed to trust her to keep going on with all of this. And something inside her just knew that Derek was toying with truth, trying to influence her and she wouldn’t let that happen. She had a mind of her own and she certainly didn’t need anyone to tell her what she should do. And furthermore Cameron had shown that there was more to her than just her programming and John wouldn’t have left her alone with the girl when he wouldn’t be sure that she was safe with her.

“Tell me what happened,” Sarah said, looking at her hand with a puzzled expression. She had actually reached out to Cameron, but her fingers were hovering in the air an inch away from the terminator’s skin. Cameron stood motionless, whether proceeding neither turning back. “In the alley,” the raven-haired woman clarified. “Please. I have to know.”

“Derek Reese already told you,” the terminator retorted, still not looking at Sarah. The guilt about the events in the alley was getting worse the longer she stayed, it was stretching across her chest. Though she could easily block them out by activating the emotional suppressor, she didn’t do it, because the girl knew that she deserved to feel guilty.

“What I meant was that I want to know your side of the story,” Sarah said, not letting Cameron drop the issue. So was it true what Derek had told her or did the terminator prefer to leave it at that?

There was an odd pause, in which Cameron seemed to consider her options, before she finally looked at the other woman, not understanding why Sarah wanted to hear her version of the events when Derek Reese had used the opportunity to tell her first.

Sarah pointed with a nod of her head at the chair. “Take a seat.” The girl followed her order and Sarah was able to look at her directly at last. Something in Cameron’s eyes wasn’t quite right, they were different somehow and it took the raven-haired woman a minute to identify it. Was that actually sorrow she saw in them? “How did I get hurt?”

“Derek Reese is right. It was my fault that you did get hurt,” Cameron replied and despite the sad expression in her eyes, her face was blank and she was sitting bolt upright, her hands folded neatly in her lap. “I’m sorry.” 

Yesterday Cameron had also evaded Sarah’s questions as to avoid causing her any further emotional pain. Today she evaded answering as to avoid making herself vulnerable by letting the other woman know what effect she had on her. John had assured her that she had only reacted humanly in the alley and that it was understandable, but Cameron herself didn’t understand it. She had failed.

Now Sarah was sure that something definitely wasn’t alright with the girl. Terminator’s answered questions always immediately and honestly unless they were programmed differently. Especially Cameron answered sometimes too frankly. “How was it your fault?” the raven-haired woman pressed ahead with the subject. The rare opportunities in which the girl evaded answering questions, it still only took very little to get her to answer.

Cameron blinked and she had a far-away expression on her face when she was processing something or replayed a file from her memory bank, but when she spoke her voice wasn’t distant any longer. “When the motorcycle came closer and the shooting started I calculated the paths of the bullets. Those of the attacker would’ve hit you and they would’ve been fatal. The possibility that you’d die was 99.9 %.” 

The girl paused briefly before she continued, her fingers twitching. “I pushed you out of the way and operated as a cover for you. But I used too much strength. You crashed into a wall and hit your head, what resulted in immediate unconsciousness.” She only stated the facts and hid the emotions, which were lying behind it. Fear had been one of them. The fear for Sarah, of getting killed and that she couldn’t protect her.

Sarah took a slow, deep breath. So it really had been Cameron who had hurt her. If the girl were human it would have been easy to say that it was unintentionally, an accident. It didn’t apply for a terminator though. The machines worked precisely and Cameron should have calculated the exact pressure she could use at most to push her out of the way without smashing her into a wall. “I see,” Sarah breathed out, resuming rubbing her temples. She needed time to think this through; all those pieces weren’t falling into place yet.

After a few moments Cameron realized that this was all Sarah was going to say and that their conversation was over. She hadn’t told the other woman everything, her story wasn’t finished, but Sarah seemed to have enough to think about for now. “You should rest,” the terminator said resolutely, getting up and walking across the room. Again she hesitated briefly on the doorsill. “I really didn’t intend to hurt you. I was worried about not being quick enough and I only wanted to get you out of the line of fire.”


	5. Chapter 5

At half past two on the same day Cameron was in her room, wearing a pink bra and black faded jeans and her feet were bare. She was staring at her reflection in the mirror without blinking or moving. Apart from the two fresh gunshot wounds, one directly under her collarbone on the right side and one on the left side of her upper abdomen, her body could be considered as perfect.

Usually she didn’t spend that much time in this room, preferring to guard the house and watching over the inhabitants from the living room or the kitchen. They rarely entered her room when she was in it, but when she was in one of the common rooms they had to spar with her and it was easier to engage one of them in a conversation. The female half of the Connor household in particular. 

Cameron contemplated whether it would change when her room would be more homey, when it would look like an actual human being was living in it. The furniture as well as the decoration was Spartan, an empty desk, a bed, a dresser and a cupboard. The walls were white and blank, not a single poster was hanging. It was more of a spare room than one of a teenaged girl. Right now Cameron didn’t care as it provided her the possibility of being close to Sarah without having to lurk suspiciously in the hallway. That was enough for her at the moment. 

The girl wanted to make up to Sarah for her failure, fulfil her duty and staying nearby helped to ease the ache she had identified as a bad conscience. It was not supposed to be this way; she was not supposed to feel remorse or anything at all. Still she did and having once decided that all feelings she experienced especially in connection with Sarah Connor were worth being felt, she would go through with it. No matter pleasant or not. 

John had called it an exciting adventure, a journey to a destination she couldn’t see yet. She hadn’t decided yet whether this was a good or a bad thing.

Cameron raised one hand to her collarbone, tracing the outline of the dressing, which she had put on the wound and were held in place by some adhesive strips. The bullets hadn’t caused her any serious damage, only the flesh and skin above her endoskeleton were damaged and the wounds would heal faster when she treated them medically. 

Nonetheless, her injuries hurt. Not much, not like bullet wounds were hurting a human, but still she felt them painfully throbbing. Her eyes left the fingers on her collarbone, wandering up again to her reflection and checking her facial expression. Nothing. Not a tic, no sign of what she was feeling inside. 

It was illogical. She was reacting inconsistently. Once she had told Sarah that she sometimes seemed to be inefficient. Now it was her who was being inefficient. That was not an adjective which should normally apply to terminators. She was an abnormality.

At least Cameron knew the reason for the inconsistency. John had come up with a theory when she had shared her perception and concerns with him after she had told him what had happened in the alley. And having analysed her reactions and feelings in different situations herself for various times, she had come to the same conclusion. 

Cameron’s considerations were interrupted when her sensors registered movement. Sarah had left her room and was coming down the hallway. 

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” the terminator said as soon as the other woman was standing in the door. “You haven’t taken the painkillers. Why do you object to something that would help you to feel better?” Cameron didn’t want her to be in pain. The other woman was definitely the most stubborn human she had ever met.

Sarah noticed that it wasn’t only an observation the terminator stated, there was also a slight hint of accusation in it. “Because I’ve more questions for you and I need answers,” the raven-haired woman said resolutely, swaying on her feet and supporting herself with one hand against the door frame. “Before I knock myself out with those painkillers and having to trust you not to strangle me to death in my sleep.” 

She smiled a little to show her that she was joking; well, half joking anyways. Trust surely didn’t come easily for her and certainly not when it concerned terminators. All she wanted from Cameron was to help her to understand what was going on in that chip of hers and what those changes in the girl’s behaviour meant.

“You can trust me. I’ve no intention of killing you in your sleep or killing you or John or even Derek Reese in general,” Cameron instantly replied, scanning and analysing Sarah’s vital signals “You should sit down. Your blood pressure and your heart rate are very low. It is likely that you will pass out if you don’t sit down. It would be even better when you would lie down and take the painkillers.” She had already made some steps towards the other woman, but Sarah stopped her by raising one hand.

“Stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. You’re not my fuckin’ nurse!” Sarah retorted, but walked over to the bed with unsteady steps and sat down nonetheless. After two and a half hours of lying restless on her bed and staring at the ceiling, she still felt dizzy and the headache hadn’t diminished a bit. There were too many things on her mind, bugging her and not letting her relax.

“No, I’m not,” the girl confirmed. “But I have extensive knowledge about first aid.” Cameron chose her words deliberately. When she had mentioned the subroutines and her programming yesterday it had enraged the other woman and she didn’t want to trigger a similar reaction again.

Sarah rubbed her fingers across her eyes. “Whatever,” she said after a few seconds, shrugging the topic off. There were more urgent matters to discuss. 

This was it, the moment where she would finally talk to the girl about everything. She was done speculating. It was time to face the truth whether she would like what she heard or not. “What happened to the guy on the motorcycle? I remember that we both started to shot in his direction.” 

“He got away,” Cameron told her, rooted to the spot with only her head tilted to the side. 

“What?” Sarah asked dumbfounded. “You missed him?” Instead of getting some clarity, it just got stranger. Not only had Cameron pushed her too hard, she had let that guy get away. 

“No. One bullet hit him, but it wasn’t lethal.” It was another thing where she had failed and she could see the reprove on Sarah’s face. The other woman obviously didn’t understand what it meant, not yet.

“And you didn’t run after him?” Sarah questioned further. She had seen Cameron in action, chasing other terminators, fighting against them. A human being was no match for her.

They were getting closer to the truth, she was getting closer to let Sarah in on her theory and it made her feel uneasy. “No, I didn’t.”

The raven-haired woman looked at her, astonished. “Why?” It made no sense. This conversation was confusing and she was worried about what Cameron wasn’t telling her.

“I should put something on to wear. You said it is much better when I wear clothes.” Cameron went over to the dresser, opened the first drawer and picked a dark purple shirt. She liked that colour.

Actually Sarah hadn’t mind the girl’s half naked state. There was no arguing that her body was quite appealing. She only didn’t like it when she was running around the house in only her underwear and when John was nearly drooling over her. It evoked inappropriate jealousy, which she didn’t want to feel burning inside of her. “You didn’t answer my question, Cameron,” she said with a sigh, watching the girl put on the shirt. 

She had seen the covered wounds on the terminator’s chest and stomach the second she had entered the room. It wasn’t necessary to ask her where she’d gotten these. The girl had taken the bullets which were meant for her, using her nearly indestructible body as a shield. 

That was a brownie point, Sarah noted, remembering that John had told her to see them too and not only the cons. Being with Cameron would mean that she wouldn’t have to worry about her getting killed all the time, like it had been with Charlie.

Cameron’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I didn’t want to leave you behind. You were unconscious and defenseless. I needed to protect you and to get you home where it is safe.” Her right hand started twitching and so she shoved it into the pocket of her jeans.

Sarah couldn’t help herself but to feel affection for the girl and her sense of protectiveness. Was her safety a number one priority to the terminator as was John’s? A programmed priority as a part of her mission?

“So the attacker is still out there, tracing and hunting us,” the raven-haired woman detected.

“I made sure that he wasn’t following us. He was wounded and was probably going to find medical attention.” When he would dare to attack them again she would put a bullet in his head; she wouldn’t let him get away a second time. 

“There’s one more thing I need to know,” Sarah said, trying to brace herself for the question and the answer she might get. “How is it possible, that you calculated the exact path of the bullets and the percentage of chances that I would die, but miscalculated how hard you can push me out of the way?” Sarah wanted to know, unable to suppress her skepticism and the blame completely.

“I don’t know,” Cameron answered and watched Sarah furrowing her brows. Her answer wasn’t satisfying. “John has a theory about it, as do I.”

“Sure he has.” Sarah laughed dryly. Her son always had an explanation, a justification when it came to the behaviour of the terminator. “Tell me.”

Cameron hesitated and then took some steps towards the other woman. She wanted to look her in the eye when she finally would tell her. “It’s because of you.”

“Because of me?” The terminator was now standing so close that she had look up and she didn’t like doing this. Sarah stood up, too quick and she was reeling again. Everything went black and stars were dancing behind her eyes. She was near to fainting.

Cameron took hold of her shoulders, trying to stabilize the raven-haired woman. “Yes.”

“You’re blaming me for your glitch, Tin Miss?” Sarah waited some seconds before she dared to open her eyes again. The girl’s soft hands were warm on her skin and she was way too close for her taste. Sometimes Cameron looked innocent and vulnerable like right now. It was clouding her judgement.

“I’m not blaming you,” the terminator assured her. “But my behaviour pattern shows that when I act inconsistent it is connected to you.”

Sarah had a lump in her stomach and she swallowed hard. “Explain it to me.” 

“I was working in regular parameters when I calculated the path of the bullets. That changed when I had the result. You would say it caused a glitch. My systems and behaviour were driven by my concern for you. To get you out of the way was all that was important, no matter how.” It was an understatement. The fear for Sarah had been so intense it had overwhelmed her systems. She just hadn’t been able to process correctly.

That was a lot to take in and Sarah didn’t know how to respond to that, she broke the eye contact. “You can let go of me.” When Cameron took her hands away, she sat down again and noticed the girl’s ballet clothing splayed beside her.

Cameron waited for Sarah to say more and watched her grazing the fabric with her fingertips. She had intended to practice for a while, having taken them out this morning, before Sarah and she had gone to check out that building. To dance ballet always helped her to process more efficiently, when there were too many things she wanted to process at once.

“Why?” the raven-haired woman asked in a whisper. “Why me? Why am I the cause?”

“Because I have feelings for you,” Cameron admitted, restoring the eye contact. “Because I’m in love with you, Sarah.”


	6. Chapter 6

At ten in the morning on the eighteenth of December Cameron was in the garage. Her right arm lay outstretched on the huge wooden workbench; she had cut the skin open with a carpet cutter and now her endoskeleton was exposed, the metal shimmering in the shafts of sunlight coming through the small windows.

Cameron was determined to find the defect which caused the occasional twitching of her fingers. It had to stop. It was a physical sign that something was wrong with her and when Sarah had spotted the irrepressible contracting of her digits yesterday, it had scared the other woman. Sarah was afraid of her, of what she might do when she didn’t have herself under total control. Besides, it was an obvious reminder that there was metal and wires under her skin and not bones and certainly not a beating heart.

Her sensors registered that a human was approaching. Cameron didn’t want company and she didn’t want to talk. It hadn’t done her anything good so far, even though John had promised that it would help and it was what humans used to do. They shared their thoughts and feelings, provided advices and opinions. It didn’t seem very useful to the terminator. 

There was soft knocking on the door. “Here you are hiding,” John said when he came into the wooden building. “What have you been up to?”

“I’m not hiding.” Cameron didn’t look up to him and continued to poke into her arm with a screwdriver, watching closely the reactions it caused in her hand. “Sitting right in one’s visual field when you enter a room can’t be considered as hiding. It would be very inefficient.”

Cameron noticed that her voice sounded annoyed and John’s confused facial expression showed that he had heard it too. All she wanted right now was to try to repair herself in privacy and to process the events of the previous day. Being annoyed by his disturbance was an appropriate reaction.

“That’s true.” John nodded, closing the door behind him and going over to the terminator. “Well, you weren’t in the house yesterday when I came home and so far you haven’t been inside today either. You may not call that hiding, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re trying to stay here for as long as possible.” 

He pulled a chair next to her and sat down. “And I think I know why. You’re evading my Mum.” John studied her features, trying to read the expression in her eyes. The terminator looked hurt. “Something happened between the two of you,” he said with an inquiring undertone, hoping that Cameron would tell him as his mother had only brawled him out yesterday when he had asked her where Cameron was.

Cameron’s hand clenched into a fist without her input and without using the screwdriver. “What I’m trying to do is fix myself,” The girl corrected him, frowning at her hand and uncurling her fingers one by one. “There is a problem with the mechanics of my hand.” 

“Do you want me to help you?” John asked, hunkering already over her arm. “Maybe I can do something about it.” He noted that Cameron seemed really frustrated by the malfunctioning of her hand, but what he also detected was the connection between mentioning his mother and the twitching of Cameron’s fingers. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but he doubted that the terminator had come to the same conclusion. She blamed her mechanism like a stubborn child, unwilling to see the truth.

“No. I don’t want your help. I’m programmed to perform any necessary repairs on my own,” Cameron told him, pulling her arm away from him somewhat. “But thank you for offering,” she added out of automatic politeness.

“I know that you can repair yourself. Still, it’s nice to have some help sometimes though,” John said, shrugging before he reached for a flashlight so that he could see the inside of Cameron’s arm better.

The terminator stopped him by letting go of the screwdriver and grasping his wrist in a steely grip instead. “Your help has been of no avail recently.”

“What do you mean?” John asked, surprised by the sudden movement of the terminator and forcing the wave of cold fear to dissipate. It was an instinctive reaction of his body he couldn’t hinder. 

At first he only stared at Cameron’s fingers around his wrist, but when she released him a moment later and he looked at her again, he saw what is was that drove the terminator to behave like that. It hadn’t been her intention to harm him or to scare him. “Are you mad at me?” 

Cameron took some seconds to consider the question, one perfectly shaped eyebrow rising up. “Yes.”

“Oo-kay,” John said in a strained voice. “In a ‘Target Identified. Terminate John Connor’ mad kinda way or in a ‘I will sulk and not talk to him for at least three days’ mad kinda way?”

Cameron turned her gaze back to her arm on the table and picked up the tool again. “You would be dead already if I wanted you dead,” she clarified monotonously, but John thought he had seen the smallest hint of a victorious smile.

“Good point,” John said nodding his agreement. “So what did I do? Why are you angry with me?” He had to admit that it was a little bit weird and creepy that Cameron was mad at him. It wasn’t advisable to have a terminator being infuriated by you.

The girl expected him to go and leave her alone when she had his answer. “You advised me to tell Sarah about my feelings for her.” She sounded accusingly and that was what she wanted to. He should feel guilty for convincing her to confess to Sarah how she felt. It had been a bad advice.

“Yeah, because it was about time you tell her,” John said, hiding from her that he actually had already told his mother that the terminator had a crush on her over two weeks ago. But he couldn’t be a bystander any longer, watching them getting closer first and then apart again in an infinite loop, struggling with longing, doubts, and fear. He thought that instead of trying to push his mother into the right direction, he should try to get Cameron to make a move. Obviously it hadn’t worked out so well. “What happened?”

“She bitch slapped me. I think that’s the correct term,” Cameron responded, replaying the moment. “Then she cursed, went back to her room, locked the door from the inside, and cursed some more.”

Hearing the terminator using the word ‘bitch slapped’, John had to suppress an amused grin. “I’m sorry.” 

He had to admit that his mother’s reaction didn’t surprise him that much. Still he felt bad for the girl, it was his fault that Sarah had hit her; he had encouraged Cameron to spill the beans. “But what did you expect? That she would fling her arms around your neck and kiss the hell out of you?!”

Cameron looked at him again and frowned. “You told me that she feels the same way about me as I do about her.” 

“She does. Trust me,” John offered her an encouraging smile and patted her on the shoulder. “Give her some time. I’m sure she’ll come around to it.” He pushed the chair back and stood up. Cameron didn’t want him to help her and he doubted there was anything he could do about it anyways. The twitching was a reaction to her feelings and not to some falsely connected wires. It was something she had to figure out by herself.

The terminator watched John walking towards the door. “I would have liked her to kiss the hell out of me.”

“I bet you did.” He briefly looked back at her, before leaving the garage. “Just don’t give up hope.”

Hope, the word repeated itself in her processor. Hope was a concept Cameron hadn’t understood in the future. She had been unable to process why the resistance kept on fighting even though the war was as good as unwinnable. Still the humans didn’t surrender and when she had asked the leader of mankind about it, he had told her that it was hope that kept them going. No matter how small the odds were that they would triumph.

In the future Cameron had thought she hadn’t had a choice and that she kept on fighting because she was programmed to. But now, in the past that was her present, she understood that it also had been hope that had made her fight in this war.

And in the dimly lit garage Cameron really felt hope.


	7. Chapter 7

At quarter past four in the afternoon on the same day Sarah was sitting sideways in an armchair in the living room, her legs swung over the armrest and her feet dangling in the air. She was looking at the luminous Christmas tree without really seeing it. Her eyes were unfocused, staring into the distance.

The raven-haired woman tried to think about the whole situation with Cameron and she tried not to think about it at the same time. After a while she had given up. It was impossible not to think about it. Every time she willed her mind to focus on something else, it wandered right back to the terminator.

So much had changed between them and still was changing.

There had been moments where Sarah had felt close to the girl, not only physical but also emotional, and where she had been only a fraction away of crossing the boundary finally and completely. They already had grazed it several times, for example when their lips had met under the mistletoe. A sweet, almost innocent moment Sarah liked to remember and sometimes imagined that instead of ending the kiss she’d deepened it.

It was one of her guilty pleasures.

And of course there had been moments were Sarah had doubted it, where she had questioned just everything. First of all Cameron’s feelings and her intentions. She had also questioned herself. A lot. Doubted her sanity and her feelings as well. It couldn’t be sane to feel attraction and even affection for a terminator.

Her head dropped against the chair-back and she closed her eyes. The silence of the house was relaxing. It was nice not to have to keep up the bravado for anyone that she was feeling better when she was still in pain.

Her left shoulder ached, Sarah supposed that she’d hurt it when she had been slammed into the wall, and the throbbing between her temples wasn’t better at all. However Sarah refused to take the painkillers during the day. She didn’t want to be drugged when she could be needed and planned on only taking a pill to get some sleep during the night, trusting Cameron with their lives. She simply had no other choice.

Sarah heard the turning of a key in the front door. She hoped it would be Cameron, she also hoped it wouldn’t be.

Since she had slapped the girl and fled the room after Cameron had confessed her feelings, Sarah hadn’t even seen a glimpse of her. She felt bad about the way she had responded. It wasn’t a very grown-up reaction to it. But even though she already knew about the girl’s crush on her, it still had been a shock to hear it directly from her. She just hadn’t known how else to react without revealing that the terminator had stirred something inside her too. The moment had come too soon and unexpected.

“Hey Mom, it’s me!” John called from the hallway loudly, probably assuming that she was in her room, resting, what she should be doing instead of twisting her mind inconclusively.

“I’m here,” Sarah shouted back, remaining in the same position. Every movement caused a drum roll in her head.

“What are you doing down here? You should be in your bed,” her son said accusingly, coming into the living room with his forehead wrinkled in confusion.

Why was everyone telling her what she should do, Sarah wondered. “I needed a change of scenery.” She didn’t look at him and continued to stare at the tree, remembering how she had watched Cameron and John decorating it. It was another small, nice memory she cherished.

“And Cameron is…,” John began to say in a questioning tone.

“… In the shed,” Sarah finished his sentence. “At least I guess so. I haven’t seen her though.” She finally raised her eyes and looked at her son. “Did you talk to Derek?” she asked quickly to change the subject. He had already given her his speech about his opinion and she didn’t need another lecture from him.

“Yup, I did and he’s still… upset. He won’t come back home until the metal has melted,” John said and immediately raised his arms defensively when his mother glared at him. “His words not mine.”

“Damn idiot,” Sarah mumbled and rubbed her forehead with her thumb and index finger. It wasn’t only that Derek was John’s uncle and that she wanted him to be a part of her son’s life. It was also that he was a soldier, a good fighter and they needed every help they could get to prevent Judgement Day. “Well, it’s his decision and we’ve to respect it. I don’t want him in the house anyways when he behaves like this.”

John nodded his agreement. “Yeah, me neither.” He knew what his mother meant. His outbursts, the constant anger and hate that radiated from Derek made the atmosphere between all of them tense. John doubted that Derek’s attitude would ever change, he wasn’t even trying to and therefore it would never happen. “How is your head?”

Sarah stopped massaging her forehead and plastered a brave smile on her face. “It’s still on my shoulders.”

“Do you need anything?” he wanted to know, noticing how pale she was and that her eyes were squinted as if trying to will the pain to disappear. “Do you want me to go and get you the painkillers?”

“No, thank you. I’m good.” Sarah patted the gun, which lay in her lap.

It wasn’t hard to tell that his mother wanted to appear tough and strong for him, he didn’t know her any different. John admired her for her strength and for her unwillingness to give up. Hopefully he would find those characteristics in himself one day too. “Okay, I’ll be in my room,” John gave in, knowing that it would be useless to argue with her.

When her son was gone Sarah’s view fell upon the Christmas tree once again. She wondered whether she should give Cameron a present or not. Even if she decided to get a present what would it be a terminator could want? What would she like? What would make those big brown eyes shine with delight?

*****

Sarah had drifted into a light slumber, when the clicking of the front door brought her back out of it. It had been a doze without any nightmares, where her thoughts and desires had mixed and formed pictures, scenes full of Cameron. Beautiful, strong, warm and soft. Lively. She had dreamt or fantasised about kissing the girl, touching and seducing her, not holding anything back. It had been so real, Sarah had the impression she could still smell and feel the girl. Her body kept on lingering in the dream too.

Water, the raven-haired woman decided and got up slowly, waiting a few seconds until the dizziness had worn off before walking to the kitchen. She barely noticed what she was doing as her mind was busy to dive into the fuzzy and sensual pictures again. It had to be one of the most erotic dreams she’d ever had.

The closing of another door brought Sarah back to reality. She realized that it had been this noise that had awaken her in the first place, but she had instantly forgotten about it. What worried her more was the fact that it hadn’t made her grab her gun and to find out who had entered the house. It could’ve been an assassin like the one on the motorcycle yesterday in the alley. “Stupid and careless,” Sarah chastised herself, realising that she had left the gun in the living room.

Anyways, it had been Cameron who had come in, the raven-haired woman was certain of it. Somehow she must’ve sensed that it had been the girl. She just knew it had been her. Her instincts never failed Sarah; she could rely on them one hundred percent. On a subconscious level she had registered that there was no reason to be alert.

The second time Sarah had heard a door just a few seconds ago; it had been one upstairs, which one she couldn’t say. Had it been Cameron again? Was she still in the house or had she gone back to the garage, keeping on to avoid her?

It was a bit odd though that she had admitted without really thinking about it, that she had hurt Cameron’s feelings and that therefore the terminator was staying away from her. With a sigh the raven-haired woman plucked up courage and went upstairs. At least she should apologize to Cameron for her behaviour the previous day.

The girl wasn’t in her room and when Sarah peeked into John’s she wasn’t in there either. Her son was sitting at his computer, giant headphones covering his ears and listening to music so loudly she could hear it from the door. Maybe Cameron had slipped out into the garage without her noticing and it had been John, who had gone to the bathroom meanwhile. It was possible, Sarah thought shrugging, and she just wasn’t at her best at the moment, her attention distracted by the throbbing in her head.

For a few moments the raven-haired woman considered going to the garage, but then she decided against it. She really wasn’t in the physical condition with the dizziness and the headache to make it to the garage and back without fainting or throwing up.

Perhaps she felt ready for a little trip like this after she had lain down for a while. Sarah realized that she wanted to have Cameron back into the house, not liking the thought of her being alone out there like a guard dog.

Deep in thought, thinking about what and how to say to the terminator she entered her own room. She sat down on the edge of the bed. The shower was running next door. Cameron hadn’t left the house after all.

It was inevitable that her mind started to picture the girl standing under the spray of hot water, the drops rolling down her body and her hands gliding over the curves, dispersing the soap everywhere.

Sarah had seen Cameron naked, when they had jumped through time. The terminator had stepped right in front of a car to stop it, kicking those three guy’s asses though they could get their clothes. The memory of a nude and fighting Cameron was something she surely would never forget, it was as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. Even back then, despite the situation and mess they’d been in, it had made Sarah smirk.

When Sarah forced herself to push the teasing images away, she became aware of the silence. The shower wasn’t running any longer. The bathroom door opened and closed and the next moment Cameron was passing by Sarah’s room only wrapped in a towel. In the blink of an eye the girl was gone, Cameron hadn’t even looked in her direction as if she hadn’t noticed her or if she didn’t care that she was there.

“Cameron!” the raven-haired woman shouted after her. “Please wait a second.” She jumped to her feet and hurried into the hallway, ignoring the explosion of white pain between her temples and behind her eyes. “Cameron,” Sarah said the girl’s name again, but this time in a much lower voice. She was standing in the corridor now, her feet didn’t want to go any further and she was swaying unbalanced on them.

The terminator was a vague figure in the semi-darkness of the hallway. Blood was rushing in Sarah’s ears loudly until she could only hear it ringing. Her body started to shake; she had no control over it any longer. Then blackness crept closer, surrounding her until it overpowered her.

Sarah didn’t lose consciousness, not entirely. A small part of her still registered what was happening. Her legs gave out beneath her and then she was falling. She didn’t feel nor heard that her body had hit the floor, but when she opened her eyes she was lying on her back on the ground, the world still spinning around her somewhat.

Cameron was kneeling by her left side. “Sarah,” she whispered, leaning over her. Water dropped from the girl’s hair on Sarah’s face. The terminator reached out to the barely conscious woman, her fingers brushing some strands of loose hair away first and wandering then over her cheek. “Are you okay?”

The question didn’t reach Sarah’s mind, she had seen Cameron’s lips move and she had heard her voice, but the meaning of the words were lost on her. There were only the soft fingertips on her face and concern in brown eyes. Cameron was so close. Drops of water glistened on flawless skin, especially the ones on the girl’s cleavage made Sarah to want to kiss each one of them away.

Sarah’s eyes drifted briefly to the gunshot wound under Cameron’s right collarbone. It was hidden under a dressing, which was protected from the water by a clingwrap. But it wasn’t a flaw, it was a symbol. The girl had saved her life; she had taken two bullets for her and not out of programming, but out of worry and...

No, she wouldn’t think that word.

Her look strayed further. The towel around Cameron’s torso was stretching over her breasts and full lips were hovering right above her own.

“Your vital signs are outside the normal parameters,” Cameron stated matter-of-factly, her fingers wandering downwards from Sarah’s cheek until they reached her neck where they stopped over the carotid artery. The pulse of the raven-haired woman beat with an accelerative speed against her fingertips. Cameron could feel excitement pent-up in the area below her belly button in reaction.

Sarah’s thoughts were fuzzy and she was grateful for it. “Who cares?” she asked, before reaching up to the girl with one hand and coiling her fingers around Cameron’s neck. Half pulling the terminator down to her and half raising her head Sarah brought their lips together.

The raven-haired woman closed her eyes and took a moment to enjoy the feeling of relief that she had finally found the courage to do this. It lifted a weight she didn’t know had been there.

Then Sarah began to move her lips against the girl’s, slowly and tentative first, but when Cameron wasn’t only allowing herself to be kissed and started to respond in a likewise timid way Sarah deepened the kiss with more passion.

A small gasp of surprise escaped the raven-haired woman when she felt Cameron’s tip of the tongue brushing against her bottom lip. Sarah wrapped her other arm around the girl’s waist, drawing her closer still and clasping the rough fabric of the towel between her fingers.

The kiss was everything Sarah had been hoping for and even more. She hadn’t known what to expect from a machine, something so natural and emotional for humans just couldn’t be programmed. It was more than angles and technique. It was the feelings that made a kiss to what it was and Cameron conveyed her emotions surprisingly pretty well through it.

With a noise between sighing and moaning the raven-haired woman parted her lips and met the girl’s tongue with her own. It sent an electric thrill through Sarah, before it pulsated between her legs.

Several minutes passed like this. It was as if they were in their own little cocoon, there on the floor in the hallway were nothing else mattered beside them and their feelings for each other. Sarah kissed the brunette hungrily and with such intensity that her arousal reached the point where she either had to stop or to go all the way.

Sarah closed her hands around Cameron’s shoulders and pushed the girl away from her gently. She smiled tenderly at Cameron to show her that everything was okay, her breath heavy and her heart racing.

During their little encounter they must’ve shifted some more as Cameron was now practically laying on top of her. But the terminator managed to balance her weight so that she wouldn’t crush her. It was the perfect amount of pressure and warmth. It felt unbelievably good.

“I care,” Cameron said and the corners of her mouth lifted into an adorable smile.


	8. Chapter 8

At quarter past eight in the morning on the nineteenth of December Cameron was puttering around the kitchen. Three pans were fizzling simultaneously and the air was filled with the smell of coffee and food.

It was still dark outside, but John was already sitting at the kitchen table. He had been sitting there since his nose had picked up the first signs that someone was cooking downstairs twenty minutes ago and now he was wriggling on his chair, waiting for the food.

“Breakfast is ready,” Cameron stated and put two plates in front of him. One was filled with scrambled eggs and bacon. On the other one was a small tower of pancakes.

“Awesome!” John said enthusiastically and dove right into it like he was starving. “Is there a chance that we’ve some syrup too?” 

Cameron was standing at the oven again, refilling one of the pans with some dough and starting to make another pile of pancakes. “We have some,” she answered him without looking at him and not showing any sign that she would get it for him. “It’s in the leftmost cupboard.”

“Thanks,” John mumbled and got up. When he had found the syrup and turned to the terminator, he saw that she had a small smile on her lips. “Someone seems to be in a pretty good mood today.” 

It had been the first thing he’d noticed when he had walked into the kitchen earlier. There was something about Cameron that had changed during the last twenty-four hours. It had something to do with the vibe, which emanated off her. 

Yesterday morning in the garage the girl’s mood had been hostile. She had been mad at him for pushing her to tell Sarah how she felt about her and that his mother had slapped her in response. She was also sulky, because of the uncontrollable, occasional twitching of her hand and that she wasn’t able to find the cause and fix it.

Today Cameron wasn’t only back inside the house and not hiding in the garage any longer, the terminator was even making breakfast for them and seemed to be… cheerful. John had no other word for describing her mood. The changes in her demeanour were probably small and barely visible for outsiders, but for him they were significant.

Cameron’s smile broadened a bit at his remark, but she didn’t comment on it. She wanted to keep the latest developments of her relationship with Sarah to herself, at least for a little while and not only because the raven-haired woman had asked her to. 

Dismissing the question why she herself didn’t want to share it as freely and unconcerned as she had everything else before, Cameron focused her processor capacity on the source of her mood. She had a good reason for it, because finally she had been rewarded for everything she had to experience during the last months, since she had first jumped back in time and met the legendary Sarah Connor. 

It had taken Cameron a long time to come to terms with her emotions and what those feelings did to her programming. But the hardest part had been the longing, to watch Sarah, to use every opportunity to touch her no matter how fleeting and to want something that seemed to be unreachable.

“Well, no answer is also an answer,” John said with a shrug and went back to his breakfast when the terminator didn’t respond. He watched her for a while, preparing breakfast for his mother and apparently lost in thoughts or in reviewing or whatever it was her processors were doing when she got that far-away look on her face.

Cameron contemplated the implications the recent events would likely have. The girl knew that the kiss didn’t have to mean anything. Yes, she was inexperienced in that area, but not uninformed; there was a difference. 

Besides agreeing on not telling John for now, Sarah and she hadn’t spoken about what the kiss would entail for them exactly and the terminator hadn’t dared to ask. It was something she had learnt by now, to not ask all the questions that came to her mind. Some things had to be figured out on their own.

But this didn’t deter Cameron from replaying the kiss over and over again and not only in real time, sometimes Cameron chose to play it in slow motion instead. Sometimes she analysed it to the smallest detail, the pressure of Sarah’s lips, of her fingers on her body, and her heart rate. Mostly Cameron blanked out the data and just enjoyed the tingling sensation the memory triggered in her lower abdomen.

“Erm, Cam?!” the girl heard John say and she looked at him over her shoulder. “The pancakes are scorching.”

“Holy crap!” Cameron cursed, randomly choosing one expression she had filed under swearing. Nancy Mirra, her former, involuntary and not-so-happy-about-it lab partner in chemistry, had used that expression in a similar situation, where suddenly thick, yellow smoke had been erupting from the test tube over the Bunsen burner. 

It only took the terminator a few seconds to get the pans off the oven, but the pancakes were already a black clump and smoke was wafting through the kitchen. In the meantime John had opened the backdoor to the yard to let in some fresh air and was opening one of the windows too, when he started to giggle to himself at first, before it turned into full laughter. 

“There is no reason to laugh,” Cameron told John, regarding him with a stern look and patting him on the back indifferently when he coughed several times due to the smoke he’d inhaled.

“Oh yes, there is,,” he corrected her, his laughing interrupted by occasional coughing.

Hectic footfalls down the stairs announced Sarah’s approach a moment before she stormed into the kitchen, a gun in each hand. “What the hell is going on in here?” she asked harshly, her steely green eyes darting back and forth between her son and the girl. The smell of something burning had alerted Sarah with a start and fear had immediately constricted her throat.

“Everything is under control,” Cameron informed her with an unwavering gaze, but she registered that her right hand twitched marginal at the sight of Sarah, ready to fight, wild, curly hair framing a determined face and wearing cloths which accentuated her well-toned body perfectly. It was a decided fact for her that she appreciated it when Sarah wore tank tops. “It was a minor accident due to my inobservance of the pancakes.”

John’s laughter had died to a stifled giggling; the whole scene was just too funny to completely stop. “You mean, that you were daydreaming, which made you even forget about the pancakes so that they burnt,” he corrected Cameron with a satisfied grin. He had a good guess about what the terminator had been thinking about and felt confirmed, because Cameron looked caught and like she would start drooling all over his mother any second. He would have loved to yell at her ‘Can’t you be any more obvious?!’.

They’re safe, was Sarah’s first thought when the words of her son settled. John is safe, she rectified, there was no need to worry about Cameron. It would be ridiculous to be concerned about the safety of a terminator. A normal fire couldn’t harm her. The tissue yes, but not the metal endoskeleton underneath it. “You’re making breakfast? Since when?”

Actually Cameron had already made breakfast and even dinner several times, but had always let John take the credit for it. It had appeared rational at that time that it was more likely Sarah would eat something her son had made and not her. To put some coffee powder into a machine, to fill the tank with water and to switch it on was one thing, preparing a meal something completely different. 

“You need a healthy and balanced nutrition.” However it had been weeks ago since Cameron last had cooked for the Connor household, before her relationship with Sarah had begun to slowly improve. Besides Sarah had liked the cookies, Cameron had baked for her three days ago and though the next logical step was to make something more substantial for her. “I have also been told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Is this a misinformation?”

Sarah just looked at the girl confused for a few moments. “It’s a saying,” she told her, tucking away one of the guns in the waistband on the back of her jeans and laying the other one on the kitchen table. “I need a coffee.”

“No,” Cameron said in a definitive tone. “You need to sit down and let me take care of you.”

“Excuse me?” The raven-haired woman crossed her arms over her chest. “How many fuckin’ times do I’ve to tell you, Tin Miss, that…,” she started pissed off about being told what she should do again, but Cameron interrupted her.

“Your blood pressure and pulse are still low; you have received damage to your shoulder and skull. It is advisable that you take things slowly.” Cameron knew she was being a pain in the ass, Sarah had called her that numerous times when she advised the raven-haired woman do something she clearly had no intention to. But her readings showed that Sarah’s body had still to deal with the after effects of the incident in the alley, which was her fault and she only wanted her to be in the least amount of pain as possible.

“Go to hell,” Sarah snubbed, going over to the coffee machine and filling a cup anyways. 

John had watched the small exchange between them and sighed inwardly. “Okay, time for me to leave,” he said, clearing his throat and looking at his watch.

“Where’re you going this early?” Sarah immediately wanted to know. She closed the backdoor, went over to the kitchen table and sat down. She enjoyed the warmth, which radiated from the coffee cup between her hands.

“Christmas shopping with Riley,” John explained and added before his mother could warn him to be cautious: “Don’t worry, I know the rules and I won’t do anything stupid.”

Sarah took the gun on the table and handed it to him. “I trust you.”

“Thanks.” John stowed the gun in the waistband of his trousers, where no one would see it once he had his jacket on. He leaned down to his mother and whispered even though Cameron was able to hear it anyway: “The breakfast, that’s her way of saying sorry for hurting you.”

When John had left the house, Cameron turned to Sarah. “Do you want me to follow him?” she asked, she had read a rising of Sarah’s stress level and connected it to the departure of her son.

The raven-haired woman shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I have to learn to let him go, to trust him that he’s careful,” Sarah said with a sigh and added more to herself: “And that he acts more like the future leader of mankind and not like a teenaged boy controlled by his hormones.”

Instead of saying something to Sarah’s remark, Cameron took a new pan from one of the floor cupboards to make new pancakes and as the eggs weren’t burnt she scooped them on a plate, bringing it over to the raven-haired woman. “Eggs supply all essential amino acids for humans. They provide several vitamins and minerals, including vitamin A, riboflavin, folic acid, vitamin B6, choline, iron, calcium, phosphorus and potassium.”

Was the girl listing those facts out of nervousness or awkwardness? It seemed that way to Sarah. At least it was how she herself felt about the situation. They were alone in the house, it was the break of dawn only a couple of days away from Christmas and yesterday she had surrendered to the longing for the girl and had finally kissed her.

When Cameron had put the plate down in front of her and was about to turn away Sarah reached out to the girl and closed her fingers around her wrist. “Do you think, that John noticed something? Did you tell him anything about… what happened yesterday?”

“No,” the terminator answered resolute, capturing Sarah’s eyes with her own. It always did something to her systems when Sarah initiated physical contact between and this was neither accidental nor fleeting. Her brown eyes drifted curiously to her arm, there were goose bumps. 

“No to which question?”

“To both. I didn’t tell John about the further increase of romantic affection and sexual desire between us,” Cameron answered, noticing the flush that spread over Sarah’s body. She found it just as interesting as her own physical response. “Also, he didn’t notice the increase because your performance of your usual annoyance with me was convincing.”

Blood rose into Sarah’s cheeks at the mentioning of sexual desire. There was no point in denying it. The girl with her damn sensors just picked up even the slightest signal her body sent and by the time their little make-out session on the floor in the hallway had been over her libido was raging inside of her like a caged and starving animal. 

“That’s… good,” Sarah said and let go of her wrist, but their eye contact didn’t break. The intensity of Cameron’s gaze made her mouth feel very dry. “You should better keep an eye on the pancakes, before they'll scorch as well.”

“Yes, I should observe them more efficiently.” Cameron hesitated for a moment, not sure whether it would be welcome if she initiated contact. The body of the raven-haired woman sent positive signals and though the girl leaned down, brushing her lips softly against Sarah’s. “They will be ready in approximately forty-three seconds.”

Sarah watched the girl resume her position at the oven again and smiled to herself, shaking her head a little. The brief kiss had been a pleasant surprise. She didn’t regret that she had kissed Cameron yesterday, which had also astounded her. What only bothered her was that she had no idea where it would take them. “Will you then sit with me for a while?” she asked almost shyly. 

“I would like that,” Cameron answered and was pleased that Sarah hadn’t shied away from her. Her good mood continued to improve.


	9. Chapter 9

At three in the afternoon on the same day, Sarah was on her way to the garage with a first aid kit in one hand. It had been hours since Cameron had disappeared into the wooden shed and she slowly began to worry about the girl, even though she wasn’t sure what to worry about the most. There were many possibilities what Cameron could be doing in the garage. 

But it wasn’t her curiosity that made Sarah seek out the terminator and it certainly wasn’t because she felt lonely being all alone in the house as John hadn’t returned from his shopping spree with Riley yet. It also wasn’t because she had an odd ache in her chest, which yearned for a further increase of romantic affection and sexual desire. At least this was what Sarah tried to tell herself, chuckling at her own silly thoughts. 

No, she was on a mission and this time she would get through with it.

After their extensive make-out session on the floor in the hallway Sarah had spent the rest of the evening in her room, pacing, swearing and occasionally kicking against a wall, the chair, or the bed. Just like it had been after Cameron had told her that she was in her love with her two days ago. 

Her mind, body, and heart had had an intense discussion about Cameron and what to make of the situation. They still all had different opinions on the matter. Besides this time she couldn’t blame the girl. It was her own fault. She had been weak, had been giving in and had pushed everything else aside for a few moments. And it had felt damn good.

Afterwards Sarah’s first impulse had been to make a run for the hills, to pretend it never happened and to go back to her former attitude towards the terminator. She also was a pro when it came to hiding or denying things, even from herself. It should’ve been easy to bury those ridiculous and inappropriate feelings. It was John who came first, he always were her number one priority, he was important and nothing else. 

That’s why Sarah had almost forgotten how it felt to really want something only for herself. God, how much she had wanted Cameron especially in that instant where the girl had glided on top of her and her own left hand had suddenly lain on the naked skin on the back of Cameron’s thigh.

Just to think about it made a pleasant shiver run down Sarah’s spine.

So yes, Sarah had come so far that she was able to admit to herself, that the kiss had done a lot of wonderful things to her, physical and emotional. She still didn’t regret it, but it had also scared her to no end, when she had been able to think about it later and when her body had cooled down a bit. It had taken her by surprise how strong the need and the craving for more had been. 

If it were only sex she craved, Sarah thought, it would be relatively simple. Of course apart from the whole craziness that it was a terminator she lusted after. Casual sex with no strings attached she could handle, she could somehow justify it. 

However, her heart longed for a deeper connection, for someone to hold her at night, to share her burden with, to snuggle with, to trust completely, to love someone and being loved in return. She just wanted what every other human sought in their life.

The words John had said to her in the garage a few days earlier came back to Sarah.

We all want a normal life and to be happy, but it’s nearly impossible for us, with Skynet, Judgement Day, and everything else what’s going on. It could be over every day, so we get our piece of happiness, where ever we can find it and however small it is, he had said to his mother and she had thought that she understood what he had meant, even though she had already accepted a long time ago that she would never have a normal life and that she couldn’t allow herself to get too close to someone and to just be happy.

Now Sarah wondered whether she could actually have a small piece of happiness with Cameron. A tiny slice would be enough. Was it really possible? It seemed to be in reach, a bit more with every day she got to know the girl better, spent time with her and witnessed glimpses of Cameron as an individual, saw how different she was from other terminators. 

Did it really matter how much of the girl’s behaviour was pretence, how genuine it was what Cameron believed were emotions when it would bring her some ease and solace? What did it matter if she only deluded herself by wishful thinking? She was certain it wouldn’t change her priorities, her focus on the bigger picture, John’s destiny. So what damage could it do?

When Sarah stood in front of the door to the garage, she ran through her hair with one hand and looked back at the house. Christmas lights in all colours were hanging all over it, another tradition Cameron had insisted on following. 

In fact it had turned out that all of it, the whole Christmas invasion in her home, had been Cameron’s idea and she had made John promise her to cover for her. Nonetheless he’d told his mother the truth, hoping that it would earn the terminator an extra brownie point. Sarah made a mental note to ask Cameron why she made such a fuss about it sometime.

Breathing in deeply Sarah knocked on the door and opened it. “Hey,” she greeted the girl when she entered the garage.

Cameron stood by the work bench, having detecting Sarah’s approach she had hidden all traces, which would’ve given away what she was doing. “Sarah,” she acknowledged the raven-haired woman with a short nod and considered telling her that she shouldn’t exhaust herself by coming out here. The slight contusion of the skull would still take some days to heal completely. However, it had proven to be highly ineffective to advise Sarah Connor to rest so she discarded the option. 

“I’m not interrupting something, am I?” Sarah wanted to know almost shyly and offered a faint smile. Looking around the garage she tried to figure out what Cameron had been up to, but she couldn’t find any clue. The terminator might’ve stood motionless and staring into space for the last couple of hours for all she knew.

“No,” Cameron responded, regarding her answer as a white lie. She had been working on a special and secret project. It was important to her and therefore she was annoyed by the disturbance. “Have you hurt yourself? Do you need medical attention?” Cameron asked when she noticed the first aid kit in Sarah’s right hand. A quick scan of Sarah showed no indication of an additional injury, but her vital signs signified nervousness.

The raven-haired woman shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another and cleared her throat. This wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be. For some reason she felt nervous. “No, this is for you. Your dressings need changing and I… wanted to help you with that.” She cleared her throat again, avoiding the quizzical look of the girl.

Cameron knitted her brows so that they almost touched and her sceptical look wandered from Sarah’s eyes to the first aid kit and back. She came several steps closer to the raven-haired woman and reached for the kit as soon as she was near enough. “It is not necessary that you treat me medical. I can perform all required repairs on my own. You are aware of that.” 

Indeed Cameron detected frustration in her voice. It had already annoyed her when John had offered her to help her to find the cause of the twitching of her hand and now Sarah was offering her help as well. It had never happened before that Sarah suggested attending to her wounds and it caused a sharp flash to rush through her systems. It evoked something new in her, an emotion she hadn’t experienced so far and wasn’t able to name it. She would have to ask John about it.

“I know,” Sarah sighed and dared to raise her eyes until they met Cameron’s. She bit her bottom lip, trying to get the words out. “But it’s not about repairing you. That’s more John’s thing. I mean the damage to your… soft tissue,” she said, struggling with phrasing of what she meant. “It’s about taking care of you.” As the terminator’s features became even more questioning Sarah went on: “You’ve taken care of John and also of me since the day we met, no matter how hard I was on you. So it’s only fair that I show you some more gratitude for it.”

It was the truth, but Sarah also had another and less noble reason. She wanted to test herself, she wanted to see what it would stir up in her when she deliberately touched Cameron, looked after her like a human being and not the cybernetic organism she actually was. Well, it was mostly an excuse to simply touch the girl without having to make further admissions… for now.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t touched each other before; their physical contact even had increased remarkably over the past few weeks. Their lips had met under the mistletoe, what Sarah had also covered as a small sign of gratitude for the terminator’s presence in their life, she had snuggled up to Cameron on the couch, Cameron had hugged her in the kitchen to comfort her and foremost they had kissed passionately on the floor in the hallway.

“My mission is to protect John Connor. This includes his general well-being, which is also connected to your well-being,” Cameron offered as an explanation. “You do not need to show gratitude.” It wasn’t hard for her to detect Sarah’s uneasiness; the sensory data she received were definite. Cameron didn’t want her to feel obliged to show her appreciation when she was uncomfortable with it. She knew what it was called what she tried to do. She wanted to let Sarah off the hook.

“Are you trying to make this especially difficult for me?” Sarah asked, but raised her hand to prevent Cameron saying anything, who had already opened her mouth in protest. She was starting to get irritated by the girl. “Don’t answer that, it was a rhetorical question.” Glaring briefly at the terminator Sarah made one last attempt. “Just let me do this for you, okay?”

“Will I get a kiss as a reward?” Cameron wondered and studied the human’s lovely features curiously. Sarah slowly inclined her left eyebrow at the question. “Marc Sullivan said to me once that if I would let him copy some of my answers during the math test I would get a kiss from him as a reward,” the girl explained where her sudden request came from.

It pleased Cameron to hear Sarah chuckling at her statement; it was a rare sound from the otherwise serious and tough woman. The fact that it wasn’t meant as a joke was an insignificant detail.

“We’ll see. Maybe.” Sarah still chuckled softly, placing the first aid kit on the work bench and getting what she needed out of it. From the corner of her eye she saw how Cameron took the hem of her short-sleeved, purple shirt in her hands and slipped if off over her head, revealing a pink bra, which seemed to be her favourite.

A maybe was good enough for Cameron to oblige Sarah’s wish, even though the nervousness was still apparent in the other woman. She stood immobile and waited for Sarah to attend to her wounds.

“Okay, let’s get started,” the raven-haired woman said encouragingly not only to herself but also to the terminator. She approached Cameron cautiously and willed her eyes to stay focused anywhere above the girl’s breasts. 

Simply to step into Cameron’s personal space made heart race. Her palms felt sweaty and she wiped them on her jeans, before she started to take off the adhesive tapes around the wound under the girl’s right collarbone.

Cameron held perfectly still, her features impassive and her eyes adjusted on a point on the wall. Inside her systems jumped and buzzed. The zero’s and one’s didn’t like it when they were forced into the background by up boiling emotions and with Sarah so close it was problematical to not let them take control. 

Her right hand twitched shortly, but luckily Sarah didn’t notice it. Cameron turned her head a little and looked down on the small hands, which barely touched her. The older woman was working slowly and gently. “My self-healing is highly efficient, I heal three times faster than any human. The wounds only cause me minor pain.” 

Sarah understood that it was Cameron’s way of telling her that she didn’t need to be afraid that she would hurt her. It was somewhat charming. “But they still cause you pain,” the raven-haired woman noted with a questioning undertone. She had removed the dressing on the wound. “Huh.” Leaning closer Sarah inspected the injury more closely. It was indeed healing very well; the metal she knew lay beneath wasn’t even visible.

“Yes,” Cameron confirmed, issuing the command to not reach out and touch Sarah numerous times. It was an illogical impulse which served no useful purpose and it wasn’t rational that she had to come to this conclusion over and over again. “The pain suppressor is deactivated.” 

Sarah interrupted her inspection of the gunshot wound and looked up to the girl. “Why would you do that? I’d love to have one of those.” It really was something she envied terminators for. To not feel pain was an attractive thought when you lived a life like hers and got constantly hurt in a fight.

Thirteen centimetres, that was the distance between Sarah’s lips and hers, which blinked in the left corner of Cameron’s visual field. It was distracting, so she tried to focus her processor capacity on definitions. “Pain is a sensory and emotional experience. It is an unpleasant awareness of a noxious stimulus or bodily harm.” The girl saw Sarah wrinkle her forehead at that, but like many times before her strategy was working. Her systems were gaining more control and the impulses of her body ebbed somewhat. “Still, it’s one of many human emotions, to be able to feel makes you human and therefore they are worth being experienced. It helps me to understand you better.” 

Sarah only nodded at that, she didn’t know what to say as Cameron had technically declared that there was a human side in her because she was able to feel. “Can you give me the antiseptic solution and a cotton ball?” 

Without breaking the eye contact Cameron reached for the work bench and gave Sarah the requested items. When the raven-haired woman turned her gaze back to the wound under her collarbone, Cameron continued to watch her. 

Sarah concentrated on the task and ignored Cameron’s intensive stare. She applied the antiseptic on the cotton ball and speckled the wound with it while her free hand lay lightly on the girl’s bare shoulder. Her fingertips grazed the smooth skin and the butterflies in her stomach became very active.

“I can’t go to hell,” Cameron suddenly stated as her hand had lifted and rested now above the other woman’s waist. The impulse to do so had been too strong, the commands to prevent were lost in her systems. She heard Sarah taking in a sharp breath and recorded a quickening of her pulse.

“What?” the raven-haired asked, blinking confused, not getting what it was Cameron referred to as her mind had been busy with stopping the fantasy of exploring the terminator’s skin further. Cameron’s hand on her side wasn’t helping a bit.

Once again her body, the demanding voice of the soft tissue outvoted her programming so Cameron tried the tactic to state definitions for another time. “You told me to go to hell this morning, but it isn’t an actual place on a map. Hell is a theological or philosophical concept concerning the afterlife…”

“Shut up,” Sarah ordered and pressed two fingers against Cameron’s lips with a grin on her face she couldn’t hide. “It’s a figure of speech, which is probably saved somewhere in your database. And while your ramblings are really cute sometimes, it can be very annoying too.” 

By now Sarah had a theory why the girl had a habit of citing the nutritional value of eggs or throwing definitions of pain or hell at her. The girl might only be as nervous and unsure as she herself was. 

But had she just called a terminator cute? Craziness was definitely waving at her.

Cameron found the touch of Sarah’s fingers on her lips very enjoyable and was disappointed when the other woman seemed to become aware of what she was doing and retreated her hand, her own still rested on Sarah’s waist. “I wasn’t rambling. I was merely explaining why I can’t go to hell even though you told me to. It is an order I cannot follow.”

Sarah didn’t respond and finished her work by putting a dressing on the wound and fixing it with some adhesive tapes. Now came the even more tempting part. She hunkered down and began to uncover the wound on Cameron’s stomach. Her fingers trembled and she exhaled deeply. The girl’s skin was so close, a few centimetres and her lips would brush against her side.

The warm breath on her stomach caused another electric jolt in Cameron’s systems, goose bumps arouse on her skin and her hand lay down on Sarah’s unharmed shoulder on its own, as if she needed something to steady herself. It was intriguing what reactions and emotions the raven-haired woman was able to evoke in her. “I’m in love with you,” she declared bluntly.

Sarah’s fingers stilled their movement and she briefly looked up to the girl. “I know. You already told me two days ago,” she said warily, suspecting where this was heading to.

“Are you in love with me too?” 

Again Sarah took a cotton ball, dripping some of the antiseptic solution on it and dabbing the wound carefully. She played for time and hoped that if she avoided the question long enough she wouldn’t have to answer it. But the silence between them stretched uncomfortably and without averting her gaze from the wound she replied, “I’m… it’s… I don’t know… well, it’s complicated, Cameron.”

The girl’s hand dropped from Sarah’s shoulder. “This is an excuse to evade answering the question. People have a preference for using that expression.” Cameron found it a frustrating habit of the other woman to elude questions, especially personal ones, which intrigued her the most.

“Because it’s true,” Sarah weakly argued. She put a fresh dressing on the also well healing wound and secured it with some patches. Standing back up, she wiped some loose strays of wild hair out of her face. “Don’t push me on this, okay? I don’t like it.” She crossed her arms in front of her body defensively and looked at the terminator with a stern expression.

“You are angry with me,” Cameron observed in a natural tone. It was easier sometimes to deal with the human when she let her terminator mode overlay everything else, easier for both of them. “Are you now going to bitch slap me again?”

At first the question perplexed Sarah completely, but then she realized how the girl had come to the conclusion. The last time Cameron had admitted her feelings she had indeed hit her in response. “That’s actually the reason why I’m here,” she mumbled, avoiding any eye contact.

“To bitch slap me?” Cameron asked curiously and tilted her head to the side like she often did when she was confused. The members of the Connor family often puzzled her.

“No! Would you please stop saying that and let me finish? Damnit,” Sarah huffed, slammed her fist on the work bench and winced when hot pain shot through her left shoulder. 

She let out a low sigh, trying to keep her temper in check. After a few beats she locked eyes with the girl and said somewhat calm again, “When I ran after you into the hallway yesterday, it was because I wanted to …apologize. I’m… I’m sorry that I slapped you.”

Cameron knew it was difficult for Sarah to apologize in general, but especially to her. She also understood the motivation behind the action, why the raven-haired woman had hit her. It was her default reaction, when she didn’t know what else do to. “I appreciate and accept your apology.”

As the matter was settle for the girl with that, she picked up their previous subject. “When you’re not in love with me, then why did you kiss me?”

Great, Sarah thought sarcastically, another inevitable question I would rather not answer.

“Because I was so dizzy that I was barely conscious,” the older woman replied jokingly, shrugged and added, “And because you were dripping wet and only wrapped into a towel. What sane person could resist that?”

The terminator nodded once. “I understand. You were merely submitting to the physical response of your body to mine.” Her features became even emptier, she didn’t want Sarah to see the disappointment.

“No, you don’t understand. Jeez, you driving me fuckin’ nuts sometimes, girlie!” Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose, the headache was getting worse. 

Cameron decided it was safer to remain silent and watched the other woman pacing up and down for a few moments. 

When Sarah felt able to continue the conversation, she stood in the front of the girl and threw her hands up in surrender. “Okay, you’re right. I kissed you, because I’m attracted to you and of course seeing you only wearing a towel made my body respond, but that’s not all,” the raven-haired woman admitted. 

Sarah didn’t want to lose her nerves and so went on quickly, “I also kissed you, because I’ve wanted to for a long time. Because I feel something for you, too. It’s just that I’m not sure where it will lead us to. What I should or shouldn’t do. This…” she waggled with her arm between herself and the girl. “… is not easy for me. Not the slightest bit easy, alright? It turns everything upside down.”

Cameron’s processors were inundated by the data of her soft tissue and by the impact of Sarah’s words. Her facial expression softened, the confession of the other woman that she had similar feelings for her made small, pleasant electric shocks appear everywhere in her endoskeleton. 

The girl stepped closer to the distraught human and laid a hand on Sarah’s upper arm. “You need to time to adjust to the new situation.”

“Yes,” Sarah sighed with relief that Cameron understood what she meant. “I’m not running away, even though I tried to, believe me. All I ask for is if we could take this slow and see how it develops?”

“We can, Sarah.” Cameron squeezed Sarah’s arm gently, processing what the next logical step would be. “Do you want to go on a date? It is any social activity undertaken by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal.”

“Again with the rambling,” the raven-haired woman remarked with a lop-sided grin. “It may have been a while, but I know what a date is, thanks.” She considered Cameron’s suggestion for a minute and wondered, “Are you really asking me out?”

“Yes. It can be regarded as taking it slow and gives you time to evaluate if you wish to engage in a romantic relationship with me,” Cameron explained and had yet to remove her hand. Most of her experience concerning physical contact was based on fighting, but she liked the little interactions with Sarah a lot more and was eager to enlarge her knowledge.

Sarah tried to imagine Cameron and herself at a romantic candlelight dinner and found she just couldn’t. It didn’t seem right for them, it wouldn’t be like them. Go on a mission to fight Skynet, yes. But go to a nice restaurant as date, not so much. Though it was actually kinda sweet of the girl to ask her, what Sarah decided to keep that to herself. Besides, the irony of being asked by a terminator for a date wasn’t lost on her. “I think we’ve to find another way to figure that out. We can’t go on a date. It would be weird.” 

The raven-haired woman could see that Cameron was about to press the matter further and wanted to ask her more questions, so she tried to distract the terminator and wanted to know, “How did it end with Marc Sullivan? Did you take him up on the offer?” 

Cameron was aware that Sarah wasn’t willing to discuss the date-question any further, but she let her get away with it, at least this time. With a small self-satisfied smile on her lips she said, “No, I was not interested. I am however interested in cashing my reward from you for letting you taking care of the damage to my soft tissue.”

“Is that so? You’d be interested, huh?” Sarah asked amused and etched a bit closer until there was barely room between their bodies.

Cameron nodded and replied, “Yes. I enjoyed kissing you yesterday very much.”

The raven-haired woman leaned in, her cheek softly brushing Cameron’s in the process. She whispered into the girl’s ear in a husky voice, “Tonight, mistletoe, you and me, when John is asleep.” She turned her head and placed a soft kiss on Cameron’s earlobe. 

“I will be waiting,” the terminator agreed readily and had to gulp at Sarah’s seductive behaviour. Probably a programmed reflex to infiltrate the resistance efficiently, she assured herself. It also triggered other spontaneous effects in her body; her nipples for example were quite hard.

Sarah stepped back from the girl and was surprised to find hooded, brown eyes looking at her. Damn, her programmers were good, she thought, before she put on a victorious smile and went to the garage door. When she’d almost closed the door behind her she could hear Cameron say, “That could be considered as a date as well.”


	10. Chapter 10

At half past twelve in the night on the twentieth of December Sarah was sitting on the edge of her bed, tapping with one foot and staring at the door. She was tense and nervous, but it wasn’t the usual agitation which always accompanied her. 

At first she had thought that it was because she wasn’t sure whether she should really go downstairs and keep the promise she had given to Cameron for some action under the mistletoe. But she had made that decision and had come to accept the situation as it was. She had taken her time to set her mind on this and had pondered more than enough about it over the last couple of weeks, so she wasn’t willing to take a step back or to put an end to all of this. It was definitely too late for that.

One reason why Sarah was nervous was that she felt like a teenager again. She had to admit that it was quite exciting; there was a tingling knot in her stomach when she imagined kissing Cameron and exploring whatever was going on between them further. To have a secret ‘date’ under the mistletoe in the middle of the night also put a little extra thrill in it. 

The other reason why Sarah was nervous was that she still had some questions for the girl and feared that she wouldn’t like the answers she might get. But at some point she would have to ask them. After all these months, Cameron was still somewhat mysterious and Sarah was sure that the terminator kept certain things from her and John.

With a slap of her hands on her knees, Sarah got up and pressed her fingertips to her forehead when suddenly the constant headache flared up with new intensity. She hadn’t taken the painkillers yet as they would make her fall asleep shortly after taking them. 

She inhaled deeply and opened the door. The hallway was dark and empty. She stopped shortly at John’s bedroom door, but all was silent and so she made her way down the stairs. The rest of the house was also enveloped in darkness and for the first time, Sarah realized how depressing it was and how lonely it must be for Cameron to spend every night like this, keeping them under surveillance and waiting for the new day to begin. She had never given it much of a thought before.

“I have waited for you,” came Cameron’s bodiless voice from somewhere to her right and it made Sarah almost jump out of her skin.

“Christ! Are you trying to give me a frickin’ heart attack?” the raven-haired woman cursed and held her hand over her racing heart. 

“No,” Cameron assured her and stepped out of the shadows so that Sarah could make out her features more clearly in the moonlight, which fell through the windows. Some of the Christmas lights, which decorated the house, were blinking and flashes of green, red, and blue illuminated the room as well. The lights of the tree weren’t plugged in. “I was unsure if you appreciated it when I would provide candlelight. I also processed the possibility of playing a CD with adequate music for the occasion.”

Sarah raised a questioning eyebrow and her lips morphed into an amused smile, while her heart had calmed down somewhat again. “But?” She had to admit that it was touching that Cameron had obviously researched what a date usually entailed. It was also odd that a terminator would waste time with something so irrelevant to the mission.

“As I said, I was unsure whether it would be welcome to provide a romantic environment when our state of relationship has yet to be confirmed. You have also said that it would be weird to go on a date with me,” Cameron explained, defensiveness shining through her terminator mask. She felt the need to hide her emotions at least to a certain point under her programming; the hours she had had to wait for Sarah to come down to the living room had been unexplainably long for her. It had given her a lot of time to process and some results of it developed doubts. “I furthermore calculated an eighty-seven percent chance that you would not come at all.” 

For the fraction of a second a victorious smirk appeared on Sarah’s lips. “I told you that you don’t know what I would or wouldn’t do,” she reminded her of what she had said after the terminator had shot Enrique, whom they had sought out to get new identification papers when they had jumped into the future. 

Well, Enrique had been a rat, he had given information of his former cell mate to the police and who knew what else he would sell the cops? He had been a risk and Cameron had simply eliminated the threat. Nevertheless Sarah had been furious about it, not because she had killed Enrique, deep down she knew it had been a necessary evil. She had been livid, because the girl seemed totally unaffected that she had just ended a life, when she wished and longed to see at least a flicker of humanity cross those blank features and eyes.

“Yes, you’re unpredictable,” Cameron confirmed and recalled the moment when Sarah had said those words to her. Cameron understood that the other woman had used her as an emotional outlet at the time, but even through her programming, her terminator mode in total control, it had still surprised her when Sarah had slapped her and yelled at her with tears in her eyes. It had hurt, and not only physically. All she had wanted was to be strong for Sarah, to take the burden of killing an old acquaintance away from her. 

“And I like it that way. It gives me an advantage when your kind can’t calculate what I would most likely do.” Sarah bit her bottom lip as soon as she realized what she had just said, but it was too late to take it back. It wasn’t as easy as she had suspected to break her old habits. When there was a chance to lash out verbally or physically at Cameron for what she was, Sarah took it without a second thought.

The young brunette made a step toward the other woman so that she could see her expressionless face even clearer and asked in a cold voice, “My kind?”

Sarah held Cameron’s intensive stare, which bored right into her. She wouldn’t allow the girl to intimidate her and didn’t back away. “Terminators.” 

Cameron moved another step closer to Sarah, not breaking their eye contact. “They are not my kind,” she said with a threatening undertone. If Sarah didn’t see, didn’t understand that she wasn’t like any other terminator… the zeros and ones eagerly offered to abort the senseless attempt to establish a relationship with the human immediately.

Her temper was rising within Sarah, anger was seething inside her. She snorted, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” It was ridiculous for Cameron to deny that she was a terminator. Briefly Sarah wondered whether this was another malfunctioning, whether the glitch was getting worse. The prospect of a rogue terminator right in her home worried her more than just a little.

“That I’m not of one them, I’m different.” The girl’s chin lifted proudly at that. 

Sarah shook her head. This was exactly one of the topics she had wanted to discuss with Cameron, where there were still holes which needed to be filled. So far the terminator hadn’t shared with them what model she was, but she definitely wasn’t your average triple eight model. “Because John programmed you to be different,” she reminded Cameron.

Even though the terminator had also calculated the chance that Sarah would start arguing with her, it was frustrating. They always argued and as appealing as she found Sarah when she was enraged, Cameron didn’t like to quarrel with her. Besides they had met for another reason and she would prefer it much more if they skipped the dispute. “That is only correct to some extent. I was already different before John reprogrammed me.” However, she would not take this sitting down.

With a dry, humourless laugh, Sarah said, “We all like to believe that we’re something special, but we’re just small ants in a giant nest.” If anyone of them was special then it was John, the future leader of mankind. Cameron and her, they just played their parts, it didn’t matter if they still existed tomorrow, not as long as her son lived on to fulfil his destiny.

If Sarah’s vital signs weren’t any indicator, Cameron also saw the changes in her posture and in her features, which softened a little. The mind of the other woman was miles away. 

The terminator decided to use the opportunity to get closer to Sarah, but not longer with the purpose to intimidate her. “The analogy does not apply to you. You are special; you differ greatly from other humans.” She raised one hand and placed it tenderly on Sarah’s cheek, making her programming to fade into the background. She needed Sarah to see and was pleased that the other woman didn’t shy away from the contact. “It does also not apply to me. I am able to explain to a certain degree, if you let me.” 

Sarah couldn’t hold Cameron’s gaze any longer, her eyes skittered away and her body relaxed involuntary, her anger washed away with the girl’s simple touch and the small changes in her facial expression. “I’m not sure I wanna hear this,” she admitted.

“I believe you have to. Otherwise I do not calculate a great likelihood for us to reach a certain level of emotional closeness.” Cameron hesitated for a millisecond, her systems constricting with trepidation. “You already know parts of the truth, it is time you learn the rest.” 

Sarah raised her hand and laid it on top of Cameron’s on her cheek, pressing it more firmly against her skin for a moment. Even in the almost darkness of the living room, she could see a glimmer of insecurity in the girl’s eyes. She nodded to encourage Cameron to continue, ignoring the cold pang of dread in her chest. “Just tell me... tell me everything.”

*****

Twenty minutes later Sarah was standing in the front garden, several feet away from the house and stared at the Christmassy decoration of it. The December air was cold and a chilly breeze made her shiver. She wrapped her arms around her torso tightly and breathed in deeply to clear her mind.

After Cameron had tried to explain to her how she was different from other terminators, Sarah had said that she needed some minutes alone and had left the house, not bothering to slip a jacket on.

What Cameron had told her about herself wasn’t as shocking or as unexpected as she had initially feared. She had feared and prepared for the worst. But as a matter of fact Sarah now felt reassured and relaxed. Some of the strain had left her body. 

When Sarah had heard the girl talking about special infiltration programs, body chemicals like hormones and sensitivity of soft tissue, which translated the data into emotions and also the other way around, instead of simulating it, Sarah had been skeptical at first. 

“Why would Skynet do something like that?” she had wondered justifiably, but Cameron had been ready for a question like this and recited a list of reasons: persuasive power, progress of technology and so on. 

Cameron had no type of model; she was a test object, the only one of her kind. Skynet had created her to surpass itself, to close the last gap to finally win the war. And Cameron had been perfect in the beginning, fulfilling the mission within the expected parameters until the human streak to evolve let her grow beyond her programming. 

So Cameron ran. She ran to the only place where she hoped to find help and answers. To the Resistance and foremost to the famous John Connor. He worked for over a week on her, barely sleeping and eating until he had cleared her hard coding of every streak to kill him, to collect data for Skynet and of every connection to Skynet, which they could use to connect to her chip and re-booting her original programming. Apart from that John had just talked to her, trying to figure out what her development meant, how far it went.

“What about the glitch?” Sarah had wanted to know at some point, gesturing at Cameron’s hand. The girl had already told her days ago that she herself caused it, the emotions she had for her, but Sarah had to ask her again. 

Cameron’s answer to this question was a bit more hesitant as it wasn’t a fact she could easily recite; there was no explanation stored in her database. It was her own conclusion. The twitching of her hand or something like the miscalculation of how hard to push Sarah was the result of a battle inside her. Programming against emotions. Her original encoding had been set to include feelings, not to be dominated by them. “These are minor side effects; you do not need to worry. They will pass once my feelings and programs are completely in sync,” the girl had affirmed to her and Sarah had gone outside shortly after this.

The door to the back porch opened and Cameron stepped outside. She simply stood there and waited for the other woman to give her a sign that it was okay to go over to her.

Sarah nodded her approval with a lump in her throat. What the girl had told her was almost too good to be true, more than she’d dared to hope and exactly what she’d wished for. It definitely was one hell of a joke of the universe to play on her.

“I have brought you a jacket,” Cameron said once she was standing right in front of her, outstretching one arm to offer a black leather jacket. “You will be inefficient when you catch a cold.”

Sarah accepted the jacket and slipped it over her shoulders, silently appreciating Cameron’s concern for her health “Thanks.” She felt somewhat awkward around the terminator; her earlier words hadn’t quite settled down yet. “But I’m already not very useful at the moment. The damn headache just won’t go away.”

“I’m sorry. It is my fault that you are in pain,” Cameron apologized, worry was etched into her features around her eyes. “I would advise you to take a painkiller, but as you would reject it anyways, I will not recommend it.” 

Sarah rolled her eyes in an exaggerated manner at this. “Stop apologizing for what happened in the alley, ok? We’ve talked this through, so no more self-blaming.”

They stood side by side in silence for a while, simply looking at the house and watching the Christmas lights. With every passing minute the atmosphere between them became more comfortable and Sarah could feel the self-constructed barriers inside her lowering.

Sarah shifted closer to the terminator, their arms brushed against each other, but it wasn’t enough. So she positioned herself in front of Cameron, leaning back until she was resting against the girl. “It’s freezing, but I don’t wanna go back inside yet,” she explained, reaching back until her hands found Cameron’s and bringing her arms around her. Her heart fluttered nervously at the new level of intimacy.

“I will keep you warm.” The terminator laid her hands flat on Sarah’s stomach and squeezed her reassuringly. With a simple command her skin began to heat up several degrees. She smiled against Sarah’s dark curls when she heard a content sigh from her.

After some minutes of enjoying the girl’s closeness, Sarah had to speak out loud what had been on her mind. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You know that I hate it when you lie to me or hide things from me.” Her voice lacked any anger, but a nuance of sadness resonated within her words. She wished Cameron would have told her the truth earlier if not right from the start. A lot of things would’ve been easier, different.

Cameron’s right thumb began to stroke Sarah’s stomach through her shirt; she took a moment to contemplate over her answer. “You weren’t ready. All you wanted to see in me was a terminator, you needed to hate me; there was no other option for you. Even if I had told you earlier, you would not have listened and accepted the possibility of it to be true that I am unlike other terminators.” 

“Probably,” Sarah agreed and decided to leave it at that, knowing that Cameron was right. She still hated the machines, hated them for what they were, for the destiny and weight they had put on her and on her son and for the dark future of mankind they would bring some day if they didn’t stop it. But Cameron was no longer one of Skynet’s soldiers; she had willingly changed sides and was now a member of the resistance in the past that fought to alter the future. The resistance which was Sarah’s family. “Promise me, no more lies and no secrets, okay?” 

“I promise,” the girl swore immediately and placed a kiss on top Sarah’s head. The emotions, this new experience brought, were so strong that her programming didn’t struggle for control and Cameron felt free to enjoy the situation like she was indeed human.

After some moments of silence Sarah decided to ask another question, which had kept her wondering for days, “What’s with the whole Christmas decoration? I know that the whole thing was your idea, so don’t try to blame it on John.”

Cameron didn’t reply, instead she just tightened her hold on the other woman, pressing her more firmly against her body. It was a subject she would prefer not to discuss right now in concern it might destroy the mood. “I promised not to lie to you.” 

“Then don’t,” Sarah easily countered. “After all what you’ve just told me, how bad can it be?” She didn’t think that there was anything that could top Cameron’s confession of her true nature. The terminator had baked cookies for her to make her smile and happy, so she’d figured it was the same with the Christmas decoration. Sarah gave into the little fantasy, which popped into her head. She would tell Cameron that it was sweet of her and kiss her.

“I don’t want to upset you,” Cameron objected, but found her resistance crumbling when Sarah turned in her arms, bringing their bodies close again and looking into her eyes with a trust, which hadn’t been there before. The girl fought the urge to disappear into her programming, even though it would make it easier to tell Sarah her intentions. “It could be your last Christmas. I want it to be special for you.”

The raven-haired woman closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. The memory of Cameron telling her that she would have died two years ago of cancer, but that they had jumped over her time of death flashed in her mind. Fear gripped her heart and strangled it. She hadn’t forgotten about it, nevertheless it was still hard to be reminded of it like that. “Thanks,” was all Sarah could say without spilling the tears that already burned behind her eyes. She let her head drop on Cameron’s shoulder and buried her face in her neck, hugging the terminator firmly. “You didn’t tell John, did you?”

A tiny smirk appeared on Cameron’s lips when she recalled the situation where she had convinced John to participate in her Christmas plans. “No, I did not. I explained that it would higher the probability to get into your pants.”

Despite the sorrow she felt, Sarah had to chuckle at this. She’d have loved to see John’s face. “Neat trick,” she acknowledged and submitted to the feeling of protection, the girl’s arms provided. 

Minutes passed by like this, before Sarah spoke again, “The most human colour is blue.” She had no clue why this thought had crossed her mind, but she wanted to share it with Cameron nevertheless. She raised her head from the terminator’s shoulder, finding her nose crinkled in a confused and adorable manner. “The earth is called the Blue Planet, most of its surface is covered by water. Humans are depending on water, our bodies consist of it,” she started to clarify her train of thoughts. “Your eyes, your terminator eyes… they shine blue.”

When Cameron had processed the meaning behind the words, her systems buzzed with delight. “Yes, they do. Thank you.” Sarah did now see, did now understand what she was. Not quite machine, not quite human, but something in between, tending toward one side more than the other. The side, she wanted to get as near as possible to and Sarah Connor was the one who brought that side out of her more than anything else. “You owe me a kiss,” she suddenly stated. “Do we still get to make out under the mistletoe?”

Sarah smiled tenderly and brought her hands up to hold the girl’s face. “Not tonight, girlie, sorry.” She leant slowly in and placed her lips softly on Cameron’s. They kissed gently for a couple of moments, brushing their lips together and sucking lightly. It was simple and sweet. “Goodnight, Cameron,” Sarah said, when she finally pulled away, grazing the girl’s cheek with her fingertips before turning around and heading back into the house.

“Goodnight, Sarah,” Cameron whispered, knowing that the other woman wouldn’t hear her but saying it nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sarah's line "The most human colour is blue" was inspired by the song 'Blue lips' by Regina Spektor.
> 
> Blue, the most human color  
> Blue lips, blue veins  
> Blue, the color of our planet  
> From far, far away


	11. Chapter 11

At half past eight in the morning of the twenty-first of December Cameron was standing in the kitchen and looked outside the window with disapproval. 

“Mornin’,” John greeted sleepily when he entered the kitchen and found the terminator frowning at something outside in the yard. “What are you glaring at?”

“Sarah,” came Cameron’s simple reply, her vision still fixed on the human in the garden.

John scratched his head and sat down at the kitchen table, contemplating the girl curiously for a few moments. “Why? What has she done now? Did she slap you again?” 

“No.” Cameron watched Sarah as she stopped doing push-ups in the grass and followed her with her eyes as she went over to the metal swing set. “Your mother’s behaviour is irrational.” She usually enjoyed watching the raven-haired woman doing her morning work-out, but today she was frustrated by it.

“Tell me something new,” John sighed and shrugged. He then looked at her expectantly. “Anyways, what’s for breakfast? Some French toast, a ham and cheese omelette or pancakes? I’m starving.” 

There were no pans on the stove, no sight at all that Cameron was preparing anything for breakfast, but John was hopeful that his question would spur her into action. He also threw in a charming smile for good measure, which was wasted as the terminator didn’t regard him at all.

Without answering him Cameron turned away from the window and took a cereal box from the sideboard and the milk out of the refrigerator. She placed the items in front of John and gave him an inexpressive stare, before she resumed her position in front of the window. 

“Right. Muesli it is then.” John stood up to get a bowl and a spoon, but stopped when he followed Cameron’s gaze. His mother was doing pull-ups on the swing. “She’s back to her usual morning routine,” he observed. 

It had actually surprised John that his mother had neglected her daily training for some days; usually not even a gunshot wound could hold her back for that long.

“Yes,” Cameron confirmed the obvious, knitting her brows. She had tried to deter Sarah this morning, before she had gone outside, but the human had been inapproachable with rational reasoning. As was the case most of the time. “It is too early for her to take up her usual training pensum already. She will most likely overextend herself.”

“You know how she is. She can be as stubborn as a mule,” John agreed nodding and took a bowl and a spoon out of the cabinets. He went back to the kitchen table and prepared his breakfast. 

He had first wondered why Cameron hadn’t made anything for breakfast, but now he suspected that the terminator was something like annoyed with his mother and had therefore decided that Sarah didn’t deserve a treat. It was unfair that he had to take the punishment too, he had already gotten used to having more than a pop tart or muesli for breakfast.

Cameron did understand the axiom; she was in fact familiar with a large amount of sayings. Her database was broad concerning this subject, as well as of course on many others. But she often pretended that she didn’t know what they meant, finding it amusing when the humans struggled to explain to her something that came so naturally to them. 

She agreed silently with John, but didn’t comment on his remark. His mother was indeed a very obstinate woman, a streak Cameron mostly found attractive.

“Sarah argued that she needs to stay in shape. I disagree. Human muscles do not degenerate so quickly.” Cameron gave it moment of thought, zooming in on Sarah and scanning her as she pulled herself up on the swing one last time before dropping to the ground. “Also her body is in great shape, I find her physiques very appealing.”

“Ugh, please stop.” John lost his grip on the spoon and splashed some of the milk when it fell into the bowl. He covered his ears with his hands. “I know you have the hots for my Mom, but I really do not need to hear this.” 

Cameron turned halfway towards him, tilting her head like she often did. “I have indeed observed an increase of temperature of my skin on various occasions, for example when…” If John had taken a closer look, he would’ve discovered the slight smirk on Cameron’s lips. Again she had understood the saying perfectly well, but she couldn’t let this chance to tease him a little pass by. His uneasiness gave her some kind of pleasure.

“No! No examples,” John interrupted her quickly. Cameron had his full support when it came to her plans for his mother, but some things were better left unsaid. “Keep it to yourself.”

Cameron nodded at him in agreement and turned back to the window. She calculated how long until Sarah would be finished with her training and decided that it was about time to start the coffee machine. Water was already filled in the tank and coffee powder was in the filter. All she needed to do was to switch on the machine, which she did in a single motion without averting her gaze from Sarah.

John continued to eat his cereal in silence, his eyes mainly on the bowl. Though after several minutes, when the terminator hadn’t moved at all and was still staring out of the window, he picked up the subject again, his curiosity getting the better of him. “Sooo, how is it going anyways… with Mom? You haven’t spoken with me about it since she has slapped you.”

“I was under the impression that you do not wish to hear about it.” Cameron made a quick analysis and found that she hadn’t sought out John for any advice like she had in the previous weeks. 

He was still unaware of the latest developments between Sarah and her, mainly because Sarah had asked her to leave this part to her, to when she found the time was right to tell her son. Cameron reasoned that at the moment John felt locked out by her and that it hurt his feelings, which were common emotions for teenagers his age and nothing to worry about.

John sighed. “I meant the juicy details or you slobbering all over her. She’s my mother; I don’t need certain images popping up in my head, okay?” He had already told Cameron many times before, that her straightforwardness wasn’t always appropriate. Apparently it had no effect on the girl, no matter how often he repeated it. 

Maybe she wasn’t sure where to draw the line. Maybe she was sure and just enjoyed it to torture him, which was an odd thought as he had sent the terminator back to protect him and not to torment him by producing unwanted images of his mother in his mind.

For a second Cameron contemplated to ask John what he meant by ‘certain images’ and if he could give her some examples, but neglected it. She had tortured him enough for now. “Understood.”

“Sooo?” John prompted again when Cameron showed no intention of giving him an update of the situation. “Any news in the area of sweeping my mother off her feet?” 

It was starting to get on his nerves that the terminator was reluctant to talk to him about it. Especially over the last couple of days he had seen and felt the changes between his mother and Cameron. There were several signs that something had happened between them and he wanted to know what it was. 

“I currently do not require your assistance on that matter,” Cameron stated and added for politeness, “Thank you for asking.”

John growled and shovelled several spoons of cereal into his mouth as to not get too annoyed by the girl’s behaviour and snap at her. But he decided to not let go of the subject that easily. “So you have either given up or made some progress and don’t need my help anymore.”

Cameron still followed Sarah’s every move, somewhat enthralled. The raven-haired woman was doing her T’ai-Chi-Ch’uan exercises, her body currently in the form called ‘The white crane spreads its wings’. 

It was Cameron’s favourite part of Sarah’s work out training; she liked the slow yet strong movements. They were gracious. It was art applied with internal power. It reminded her of ballet, which was also art, just a different form of it.

Some months ago Cameron had done some research and had come across the old Chinese martial art. T’ai-Chi-Ch’uan was only partially about self-defence and the appropriate change in response to outside forces. It helped to bring about a state of mental calm and clarity and was also known for bringing general health benefits and stress management. 

Cameron had suggested it to Sarah and had been bugging her about it for a while until the other woman had finally agreed to give it at least a try. By now Sarah had included it in her training for weeks. Cameron was very pleased with this achievement. 

When Sarah looked into her direction for a moment and spotted the girl, she gave her a brief smile. Cameron returned it without giving an accordingly command. “I never give up,” she stated firmly to respond to John’s conclusion at last. 

John finished the rest of his breakfast and occasionally raised his head to watch Cameron watch his mother. The terminator’s face didn’t have to show affection as strongly as it might have on a human’s face for him to recognize it. He could feel his heart swell at the sight and he had to swallow the suddenly formed lump of emotions in his throat back down. 

After a while John stood up and went over to the girl, putting his bowl and the spoon into the sink. He stood right next to her, but Cameron wouldn’t look at him. “Are you planning on giving Mom a gift for Christmas?” 

He had wondered how far Cameron would go with her mission to twist Sarah around her finger by giving her a nice and traditional Christmas for once. The idea would have been rather sweet, when Cameron hadn’t said a second later that this would get her into his mother’s pants even quicker.

“Yes,” the girl replied, having decided that she could at least share this information with him. She hadn’t finished Sarah’s present yet, but there were still four days left including today where she could work on it. 

Cameron had processed very carefully what to give Sarah for Christmas and hoped that the other woman would take her intentions behind it well.

John tried to hide how surprised he was by this news. He hadn’t really expected it. “What is it?” he wanted to know right away, finding it highly interesting that a terminator actually planned on giving his mother a Christmas present. It certainly held some irony.

“It is private,” was all what Cameron revealed, not ready to tell him anything more about it. It was how she felt about the present, it was for Sarah only and the girl wanted to keep it just between them.

“Sometimes it’s really frustrating to talk to you.” John didn’t argue, didn’t push her on it. When Cameron had set her chip on something, then even the future leader of mankind couldn’t make her, especially when it wasn’t essential to her primary mission. She would just ignore him, if he tried to order her to tell him what it was.

So John simply shook his head at her and left the kitchen. When Cameron didn’t want to tell him everything, fine. But he didn’t have to tell her everything too. A smug smile appeared on his lips as he thought that he hadn’t shared the knowledge with the terminator that his mother would go out today to get a Christmas present for Cameron.

*****

Five minutes later Sarah came through the backdoor into the kitchen and went straight for the coffee machine, smiling pleased when she discovered that Cameron had already made some for her like every morning. She took a fresh mug and filled it with the brown beverage, eyeing the terminator contemplatively.

“Haven’t I told you to stop studying me like a damn lab rat, girlie?” Sarah wanted to know, repeating what she had told Cameron three weeks ago. At that time she had been cross with the girl for observing her constantly, but now it was only fake anger that resonated within her voice and her eyes sparkled mischievously. 

“Yes, you have,” Cameron confirmed with an unwavering gaze. “But the circumstances have changed since then. I have re-evaluated the subject and came to the assumption that your request to stop watching you does not apply any longer.” 

Cameron considered the human for a moment, reading her vital signs as well as taking in her general appearance. Sarah’s hair was in a loose ponytail; several strands had escaped and framed her face, which was red from the work-out. She wore a white tank top and gray sweat pants. But even in the simplest cloths, sweaty and red-faced, Cameron found her striking. 

Sarah nodded at the girl’s conclusion. Back then she hadn’t understood why Cameron observed her, but now the circumstances had indeed changed and Sarah had to admit that she was flattered by it. 

She sipped at her coffee and it was, of course like always, exactly the way she preferred it. She could tell that Cameron was analysing her and found it annoying as well as amusing. “Are you done with your examination, Doc? What’s the result?”

“That your body seems to take the physical strain better as expected,” the terminator acknowledged and abruptly turned away from the other woman when her right index and middle finger began tapping against her leg. “But I still disapprove that you resume your regular training pen sum.”

A drop of sweat, which had trickled down Sarah’s neck, had captured Cameron’s full attention, the quickened beating of Sarah’s heart and her risen body temperature from the previous training were distracting and alluring. Cameron had used an unusual amount of processor capacity to imagine different scenarios, all of them X-rated.

At least her programming had only protested with tapping fingers and not with a much more obvious twitching of her whole hand. So before it could get any worse or before she would follow the impulse to live her fantasies, Cameron needed to busy herself with something else. Doing the dishes seemed to be a good idea and so she turned on the tap and added some squirts of washing-up liquid into the water. 

“I told you that I’m feeling better today and ready for some action.” Sarah had a self-satisfied smile. It wasn’t hard to tell what was going on with the terminator. She had noticed how Cameron’s eyes had travelled over her body, had seen the changes on the girl’s face and also the twitching of her fingers hadn’t gone past her. 

Now that she knew what it meant, the glitch didn’t worry Sarah that much any longer. In fact it was exciting that Cameron reacted so strongly just by looking at her. It was also somewhat adorable that the girl tried to restrain herself, probably because she was still peeved at her for training and not listening to her.

Sarah moved closer to the girl until their bodies were almost touching. But Cameron pretended that she didn’t notice their close proximity and continued to wash the dishes with a focus only a terminator had, even though it was obvious that Cameron had a hard time to keep that concentration.

With one small step Sarah closed the remaining cap between them and pressed her body lightly against the girl’s side. She could hear Cameron breathing in sharply and watched her shutting her eyes for some seconds.

Sarah reached around the terminator, her lips brushing against Cameron’s earlobe when she whispered, “Don’t be sulky anymore that I worked out a little, ‘kay?” She kissed the girl’s ear and placed her now empty mug into the sink. “I’m going to shower and then I’ll go out for a bit.”

Cameron turned at this and stared intensively at Sarah. “Where are you going?” she wanted to know, trying to ignore the reactions her body had to being so near to the other woman. 

“You’re a nosy terminator, do you know that?” Sarah asked back with a grin, not allowing the terminator to ruin the mood. “But if you have to know, I’ll get John’s Christmas present. I thought as you want to set a high value on Christmas this year, I should probably get my son more than just a taser or something like that.” Some of her typical sarcastic undertone came through, it was unnerving that Cameron always had to know and discuss everything. 

Luckily she wasn’t lying, because the terminator could easily detect a lie, but John’s Christmas present wasn’t the only one she was planning on getting. However, Sarah couldn’t tell Cameron that she also wanted to get her a present, it would be embarrassing. At least she had the perfect idea of what to give the girl for Christmas.

“I can accompany you,” the terminator readily offered. “Considering the contusion of your skull, which is still present, although you might feel better currently, you shouldn’t drive a car or go out alone.” It was too dangerous and Cameron didn’t understand why Sarah didn’t care about herself that much. 

Sarah groaned and rubbed her forehead. “No, Missy, you’ll stay here with John. He’s your priority,” she reminded her. “I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl and can look after myself. End of discussion.” 

Sarah had to admit that she was tempted by the idea of kissing Cameron, the concerned expression of the girl was endearing, but Cameron’s revelations of last night were still too fresh on her mind and their quickly growing relationship still somewhat frightening.

So Sarah settled for a quick peck on the lips, which took the terminator by surprise. “Don’t worry, I won’t be long.” She brushed past Cameron and headed for the stairs. 

“Do you not want to have breakfast?” Cameron asked almost reproachfully.

“I’m not hungry,” Sarah shouted back at her over her shoulder, rushing up the stairs and disappearing into her room.

Cameron took a pan and placed it on the oven, going over to the fridge and taking out everything she needed to make scrambled eggs with tomatoes and mushrooms. Under no circumstances would she let Sarah leave the house without breakfast and she would also make her drink at least one big glass of multivitamin juice. Even if she had to tie her to the chair and feed her.

*****

At eleven in the night on the same day Sarah was fast asleep on the couch in the living room. Again. At least this time she hadn’t fallen asleep snuggling into Cameron’s side like five days ago when they’d been watching an old movie together. 

Still Sarah hadn’t meant to doze off in front of the TV, but at some point she couldn’t force her eyes to stay open and to concentrate on the screen any longer. Damn painkillers knocked her out regardless the circumstances. But she’d had to take them. 

Sarah wouldn’t admit it to Cameron, but the girl had been right. She had overstrained herself, with her work-out in the morning and her shopping trip to the mall. By afternoon her head had felt like it would explode any second, she had been dizzy and queasy.  
At first Sarah had tried to get through it without taking the pills, though at some point she had given in.

Now she barely registered it, when strong arms were placed under her, lifting her up und gently pulling her against a warm body.

Cameron, she thought with a feeling of contempt.

She wasn’t awake enough to rebuke the terminator and to tell her to put her down and she wasn’t asleep enough to not notice the comforting warmth of Cameron’s body and the typical, intoxicating smell of her skin. 

Orange blossoms and vanilla. 

Once more Sarah felt ridiculously safe in the girl’s arms. She had to chuckle at this thought, knowing that Cameron had turned her gaze and was looking at her with a puzzled expression.

“Sarah? Are you awake?” the terminator whispered, ducking her head towards the other woman.

“No,” Sarah whispered back, a slight grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. She nuzzled the terminator’s neck and heard Cameron taking in a sharp breath just like this morning. A reaction she liked bringing out of the terminator.

After a couple of minutes they had reached her bedroom and Sarah had the impression that Cameron had taken her time to get there. As if she enjoyed carrying her. 

The girl lowered her carefully to the bed, covering her up with a blanket and making sure that she was tucked in properly.

Sarah easily drifted back to sleep, her body too exhausted from the events of the day, but she was suddenly dragged back into consciousness as soft lips were pressed tenderly against her temple and a whispered “Sleep tight” reached her mind. 

Cameron was still in her room and still close, leaning over her and a small hand was lightly placed on her shoulder.

Sarah sighed at the admission how good this felt. “I’m tired of fighting,” she admitted soft-spoken to the darkness, not even sure herself whether she meant the fight against the machines or the fight to hold back her feelings for one of them. It was probably a bit of both.

In situations like this, Cameron’s decision-making process was hit hardest by the glitch. Programming and feelings were complete opposite opinions on how to proceed. So Cameron didn’t move and didn’t say anything, silently waiting for the other woman to continue, to give her a sign of what she should do.

“Stay.” Sarah voice was barely audible; someone without a perfect hearing like the terminator would have perhaps missed it. “Please,” the raven-haired woman added even lower than before, her eyes still closed as if she were sleeping.

Cameron didn’t need further encouragement. She quickly undressed until she was only in her panties and a thin, pink tank top and slipped into bed, which ached under the additional weight.

She was lying on her back, staring through the darkness at the ceiling while Sarah was lying on her side, facing away from her and with half an arm-length distance between them. Cameron wasn’t able to specify it, but she felt that this wasn’t right. It was… awkward.

Sarah was yet only halfway conscious and a part of her was glad that her mind was clouded by the painkillers, when she slowly slid backwards until Cameron’s arm touched her back. It wasn’t near enough and Sarah feared that she would be trapped in a state of semi-consciousness if she wasn’t able to find a comfortable enough position.

“Fuck it,” Sarah mumbled after a moment, reaching behind her until she had found the girl’s hand and tugging at it. “Could you…?” She couldn’t finished the question, couldn’t speak out what she secretly desired, but Sarah hoped that the terminator would understand her anyways.

“Yes,” Cameron replied, reading the human easily. Her systems buzzed with anticipation when she shifted onto her side, gliding closer to Sarah so that she was pressed against her back. 

The raven-haired woman placed the girl’s arm over her waist and her hand on her stomach. Goose bumps were covering her whole body and something fluttered inside her belly at the intimate position. Without giving it much of a thought she had submitted to the arms of a terminator and all she felt at this was a thrill of joy, which made her tremble.

Cameron noted that the human in her arms was shivering and she began to heat up her skin like she had done for her the night before. “Are you cold?” she wondered. The room temperature was at a pleasant sixty-two degrees. “You’re shaking.”

“I’m fine,” Sarah assured her, a flush creeping into her cheeks. After a few moments of taking in some deep, calming breath she could feel herself relax against Cameron’s form. She sighed contentedly when she finally settled down.

Suddenly Cameron’s hand on Sarah’s stomach twitched and clenched into a fist, grasping Sarah’s shirt. The terminator tried to take her hand away, but the other woman wouldn’t let her and stopped her by laying her own hand on top of hers. 

“Your programming doesn’t like that, huh?” Sarah suspected, caressing the girl’s back of her hand softly with her thumb.

“No, it doesn’t,” Cameron affirmed, relieved that the human wasn’t scared by her malfunction and that Sarah trusted her that she wouldn’t hurt her. “But I like it.” 

The other woman squeezed her hand at this and Cameron lowered her head to place a light kiss on the back of Sarah’s shoulder.

Some time later, when Sarah had almost drifted back to sleep, a melody reached her sub consciousness and stirred her somewhat to wakefulness. Cameron was humming again and it was the same song she had hummed over two weeks ago. At the time all Sarah knew was that the song was familiar to her, but she couldn’t remember it properly. But now the lyrics came back to her too. It was an old, cheesy song of the early 90’s, sung by Bryan Adams.

Look into my eyes - you will see   
What you mean to me   
Search your heart - search your soul   
And when you find me there you'll search no more  
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for   
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for   
You know it's true   
Everything I do - I do it for you.

Sarah fell asleep not long after Cameron had stopped humming; knowing that she was safe and hoping that the strong arms of the metal girl would keep the nightmares away.


	12. Chapter 12

At five to seven in the morning on the twenty-second of December the sun rose slowly above the horizon and dispersed the shadows of the night by and by. When the first rays of sunlight reached Sarah’s room, the raven-haired woman began to stir and her eyes opened flitteringly.

Sarah didn’t need to take a look at the clock on the bedside table to know that it was still early. Even though she wasn’t exactly an early bird, not by choice anyway, her internal clock usually told her that it was time to get up and to work out. 

There was a simple explanation for that drive inside of her. Because mostly it were in the early morning hours when the nightmares came. They startled her to wakefulness, heart beating frantically and cold sweat on her forehead. They often made her flee her bed even though she was still tired and exhausted. 

However this morning, it hadn’t been one of her apocalyptical nightmares that had woken her up and so far the urge to start training in the backyard was surprisingly only a whisper. 

Instead it had been a tickling feeling on her cheek and when Sarah squinted her eyes she easily discovered the cause of it. A wisp of Cameron’s hair.

But why was there a wisp of Cameron’s hair in the first place? 

It took her brain a moment to catch up with the situation, before she remembered the reason why the terminator was laying in bed with her. She had asked Cameron to and it had also been her who had initiated the snuggling. 

At the realization Sarah felt something knot in her chest and she closed eyes again, breathing out long and slowly.

The next thing Sarah noticed was that at some point during the night she must’ve turned around. She was laying on her right side, facing the girl now instead of being spooned by her from behind. Their bodies were pressed so tightly together that her head was tucked under Cameron’s chin and rested against her chest.

A blush rose to Sarah’s cheeks and spread across her whole body at their close proximity as well as their intimate position. It seemed like an eternity away to her that she had lain in bed like this with someone. Even when she had shared her bed with a lover she usually kept her distance, always ready to grab the gun under her pillow, always ready to either fight or run.

But embarrassment aside Sarah had to admit that it was actually quite nice to wake up this way, with some arms protectively wrapped around her and a warm, soft body snuggling against hers. It felt utterly and wonderfully normal… like they were a normal couple.

Sarah also noticed that Cameron had snaked her left arm under her neck and around her back so that the girl’s hand was lying on her left shoulder while the other arm rested on her waist. 

A hot tingle shivered through Sarah’s body when she became aware of Cameron’s right hand, which wasn’t gripping her top anymore. Instead it was under the fabric and lay gently on her skin of her lower back. Fortunately it wasn’t moving; Sarah didn’t know what to make of it if she had found Cameron caressing her while she was asleep.

Of course Cameron had registered that the human in her arms was waking up. She had her right hand under Sarah’s top on the small of her back, which gave her the possibility of constantly monitoring Sarah’s vital signs and a minute ago the breathing pattern of the other woman had changed. 

The terminator was able to read life signs from a certain distance too, but the readings were far more accurate when there was physical contact. At least this was how she justified it to the zeros and ones. Furthermore her systems found it calming somehow to observe Sarah’s vital signs; it settled the otherwise hyper-active processors down.

“Good morning,” Cameron said in a hushed voice, registering a slight speeding up of Sarah’s heartbeat and a disruption of her breathing. The terminator carefully increased the pressure with which she held the other woman and squeezed her gently to assure her that everything was okay. 

“You have slept well,” Cameron pointed out, when Sarah didn’t reply anything. There was a hint of a questioning undertone like she was surprised that the otherwise restless sleep of the human had been undisturbed. 

For a second Sarah stiffened, caught between jerking away from the terminator and pretending to be still asleep. But both options seemed very immature to her, though Sarah decided that they had surpassed this station in their gradually developing relationship by now. 

“Must’ve been the painkillers,” Sarah finally mumbled without moving, she was just too comfortable and still sleepy. In fact she had slept so well she wanted more of it and wasn’t ready to begin the day yet.

Cameron waited for the other woman to pull back from her, stunned and embarrassed by their closeness and the further increase of intimacy, but nothing happened. Sarah stayed in her arms and solely raised her head after a couple of moments, studying her features with obvious amazement. 

Cameron’s organic systems, especially her stomach, contracted in response to Sarah’s tender expression. “Your shoulder has recovered completely from the damage it had received,” the terminator involuntary blurted out.

An uncertain, shy smile appeared on the girl’s lips. Every time she was unsure how to act, when her programming and her feelings were totally contradictory, she began to ramble, as Sarah called it, about just anything or made an incoherent comment like the one she’d just made.

“What? “ Sarah blinked in confusion, her mind had somehow drifted off and she noticed that she’d probably stared kind of dreamily at the terminator. When Cameron’s words had settled, she asked, “How can you tell?”

Cameron’s hand closed more firmly on her shoulder to demonstrate what she’d meant. 

“Don’t”, Sarah protested, pressing her lips tightly together. She anticipated the pain which Cameron’s squeeze would cause her, but it never came. Her shoulder took the additional pressure without any complaint.

The terminator loosened her grip on Sarah’s shoulder somewhat, but didn’t take her hand away. Sarah seemingly didn’t notice or care. 

Cameron explained, “Certain healing levels are easier to asses for me as others, by a visual scan or through touch.” Her gaze was fixed on green eyes, which returned her look with interest and curiosity. “However I do not have the ability to x-ray your head in order to detect the healing status of the contusion. I can only estimate, relating to the average amount of days such an injury takes to heal properly and take your vital signs into account.”

Sarah had a faint smile at Cameron’s way of asking her about her well-being. There hadn’t been a day where Cameron had missed to ask her how she felt as well as telling her that she should rest and take the painkillers. “It’s better.” She gave it some thought and then added honestly, “A lot better actually... I think, it’s gone… No headache and no dizziness.” Sarah watched as Cameron’s features relaxed and some of the stiffness of her body vanished at her statement.

Cameron drew in the human closer to her body once again so that their forehead touched. “I am glad.” 

They were so close that their lips were almost touching and Sarah had to breathe in sharply. Her heart missed a beat before it started pounding in her throat.

Silence settled briefly between them until Sarah had overcome the shock of Cameron’s bold move and raised one hand to the girl’s cheek. Her fingertips wandered there lightly. “Why are you still here?” she wondered after a few moments.

Her programming had asked Cameron the same question over and over during the night, arguing that there was no need to stay, that she was wasting time with a useless activity like holding a sleeping Sarah Connor in her arms and that she neglected the duty of making her patrol rounds through the house. 

But Cameron had a simple answer for it, “Because you said ‘stay’.” There was no actual need for her to walk around the house; she could just as easily keep it under surveillance with turning the audio feed to a higher level. 

“I know,” Sarah admitted a little bashful and sighed. “But that didn’t mean you needed to stay the whole night.” Her hand had slipped further down and was now lying on Cameron’s neck; she could feel the girl’s artificial pulse beating against her palm. It was calm and steady, unlike her own.

Cameron’s voice was sure and persuasive when she stated, “I wanted to.” She would spend every night in bed with Sarah if the other woman would let her. Tonight had been the first one of her existence that she had spent in a bed, sharing it with a human and she hadn’t felt as lonely, as left behind like all the other nights. 

“Wasn’t it damn boring for you?” Sarah asked frowning, wondering how the terminator did spend the hours while she had been fast asleep. She detached their foreheads to get a better view of Cameron’s face, noticing only secondary that her fingertips were now tracing the girl’s jaw line.

“No, it was not.” Cameron studied the human carefully while Sarah’s eyes travelled along with her fingertips over her features. A prickle was running through the terminator’s body at Sarah’s tender ministrations and settled in her lower abdomen. She felt that her body wanted to react, wanted to do something. Though her programming fought, her fingers on Sarah’s back started to quiver and were then softly grazing the skin underneath them. 

Cameron found inquisitive green eyes lifting up to meet hers, making her pause. 

When Sarah saw the uncertainty in the girl’s eyes, she whispered, “It’s okay”. Reassuring her with it that the touch was welcome and the terminator continued the light stroking of her back. Her hand didn’t leave its resting place, only her fingers slowly moved up and down.

It was a pleasant surprise for Cameron that the other woman was so receptive this morning and found the moment very enjoyable. She further explained after some quiet minutes, “I am able to reach a stage which is similar to the common sleep mode of electronic devices. I close all unnecessary processes and operate on a minimal possible level without putting you and John into additional danger.” 

Cameron saw and felt that Sarah tensed. It obviously disturbed the other woman when she was talking like this, this mechanical and technical. So Cameron added honestly, “But I also found it restful to lie in bed, it made me feel being closer to what it is like to be human. This…” The girl pressed Sarah harder against her to clarify what she was referring to. She found it difficult to find the right words when it came to describing the way Sarah made her feel as she had nothing she could compare it to. “… Is nice.”

A tweak of sympathy and sadness pulled at Sarah’s heart. She cupped Cameron’s jaw with one hand, drawing her closer and meeting her halfway with her lips. 

This was all she did, letting their mouths rest against each other and enjoying the simple contact.

After some moments Sarah broke the sweet, brief kiss with a satisfied smile. She tucked her head back under Cameron’s chin and snuggled up close to her. “Yeah, this isn’t so bad. Besides it’s too early to get up,” she decided, releasing a content hum once she was comfortably settled again.

Cameron hugged the human as close as possible and offered, “You can sleep some more.”

“Just dozing for a little while.” And with that Sarah closed her eyes, relaxing against the soft curves of the terminator.

*****

At nine in the morning on the same day Sarah tried to stay in the nice dream she had, but whether she wanted to or not her mind, or rather a certain cybernetic organism, was dragging her back to consciousness. 

“Is John alright?” Sarah immediately asked, but read in Cameron’s features that there wasn’t any danger. “What time is it?” she wondered mumbling and stifled a yawn.

“There’s no current threat. You do not need to worry.” Cameron tilted her head, intrigued how Sarah had caught that everything was fine even before she had answered her. She further informed the human in her usual monotone, “It is three minutes past nine.”

A surprised glance at the clock on the bedside table confirmed it to Sarah. She hadn’t just napped for a little while like she had intended.

Two hours, two damn more hours had she been sleeping before she had been woken up by Cameron’s hand on her shoulder, which had shaken her lightly. The terminator was standing right beside the bed, still bent towards her somewhat. Sarah couldn’t remember when it had been the last time that she had slept this long and foremost so restorative. And again she hadn’t been woken by a nightmare.

While she had slept, Cameron must’ve gotten up at some point, because the girl was fully dressed now, her skin and hair still damp, smelling freshly showered. 

There was also another smell in the air, which Sarah easily identified. A pleased smile tugged at the corners of her lips, liking Cameron’s attentive manner.

Cameron raised a mug and held it near Sarah’s nose. Coffee as a peace offering for leaving her alone in bed, Sarah wondered, a sceptical eyebrow arched. 

“Breakfast is also ready,” the terminator informed her. Finally the hand on Sarah’s shoulder, which had still lain there, reacted to the command and retreated. It had also taken Cameron all of five whole minutes, in which she had simply watched Sarah sleep, before she had woken her up, as if she hadn’t already watched the other woman the entire night.

Sarah sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “Thanks,” she said, accepting the cup and sipping carefully, afraid she might burn her tongue even though she never was patient enough to wait some more. But to her surprise the coffee had already reached a drinkable temperature. 

With a tiny victorious smirk Cameron explained, “I waited to wake you until the temperature of the coffee was low enough for you to not get burnt by it. You always drink too soon.”

No snarky remark came to Sarah’s mind, although she really wished she had one. Cameron’s thoughtfulness and the fact the girl had observed such a minor detail about her made Sarah’s throat constrict with a sudden wave of emotions. 

Sarah cleared her throat and tried to appear unaffected by the terminator’s considerate behaviour. “This is totally against my morning routine,” she said, sipping some more of her coffee. Secretly she admitted that she could get used to being pampered like this. “You’re not trying to keep me from working out, are you? Because I feel completely fit and I definitely will train today.”

Cameron said nothing at that; instead she took the mug out of Sarah’s hands. “Breakfast is getting cold, I made waffles and hot oatmeal porridge,” she said and left the room.

*****

At quarter past six still on the same day Sarah was sitting on one of the swings in the backyard. John was sitting on the other one right beside her and they both looked at the Christmas lights, which were decorating the house.

“So what did you get Cameron for Christmas yesterday?” John wanted to know after a long stretch of comfortable silence between them.

“Oh, nothing special,” Sarah answered with a shrug, trying to play it low. “Just a little something that reminded me of her.” She was actually quite satisfied with the gift she had gotten for the terminator.

When she had started to search for one, she hadn’t had a clue what kind of a present she should get for Cameron, but after some aimless walking around in the shopping mall, it had revealed itself on her way home in a small shop. 

John looked over at his mother with a grin and made their swings bump together. “It’s better not be a toaster. I don’t think she would take it so well,” he mentioned, recalling several occasions where Cameron had not only pointed out that she was a cybernetic organism, but had also glared at him intimidatingly. He could live without the scary-robot-stare.

“It’s not a toaster,” Sarah assured him and rolled her eyes. “I’m not that insensitive.” It came briefly to her mind that some weeks ago it would have seemed ridiculous and wasted to show sensitivity in relation to a machine, a terminator, but her view had certainly changed when it came to a specific one.

Even though neither his mother nor Cameron wanted to tell him what they would give the other one for Christmas, John was glad how things were obviously developing between them. They didn’t need the additional stress and tension in their home, which had been there since Cameron had first joined them. “Yeah, but you’re very good at hiding it,” he joked, earning a cross look of this mother. 

“Impudence!” Sarah punched him playfully against his shoulder and smirked devilish, deciding to turn the tables. “So, what did you get Riley for Christmas?” 

When John avoided eye contact and drew lines in the sand with his feet, Sarah concluded that her son didn’t want to share this information just as much as she didn’t want to with him. “I thought so,” she stated, pleased, and further suggested, “Maybe we should swap those presents in private.”

“You mean me with Riley and you with Cameron?” John wanted to make clear and received a nod from his mother. “Yeah, I think that might be a good idea.”

*****

At twenty past one in the following night Sarah went downstairs to find Cameron. She had tried to fall asleep for hours, but sleep just wouldn’t claim her and she had turned restless from one side to the other until she had finally given up. 

Too much sleep the night before, Sarah decided. I’m not used to getting that much sleep.

She found Cameron in the living room, sitting on the couch and watching TV. As the volume was turned too low for Sarah to make out what the girl was watching and she couldn’t see the screen from her position either. 

“I can’t sleep,” Sarah stated, standing in the doorframe with her arms crossed in front of her chest. 

Cameron switched the TV off, the room now only illuminated by the colourful lights of the Christmas tree. She turned her head towards the human and detected that Sarah’s heart rate was elevated. “I have read that sometimes a cup of hot milk with some honey helps. Do you want me to make you one?”

Shaking her head, Sarah answered, “No, thanks.” She had to smile somewhat at how considerate Cameron always was of her. 

The terminator sat stiffly on the couch, unsure what to say as Sarah was simply standing in the door and regarding her. “You could watch TV with me until you are tired enough to try again to sleep,” she offered after searching her data base for further aids humans used to get sleepy. “The discovery channel would be a good choice.”

Sarah snorted and went through her hair with one hand. “At this hour the program is totally crap, independent of the channel.” She bit her bottom lip and shifted awkwardly from one foot to another. “But I thought that maybe… I could clear my debts. You know, for letting me patch you up the other day.” She gazed at the mistletoe above her head for a moment, feeling a little shy.

Cameron raised her eyebrows in confusion; she hadn’t expected such a change of their conversation. “Yes, you still owe me a kiss,” she confirmed with a pointed nod. This explained, why Sarah’s heart rate was elevated, if she had come downstairs with the intention to kiss her. The thought made Cameron’s own pulse quicken. 

Immediately the terminator stood up and went over to the human until she was standing right in front of Sarah. “I would like that very much.”

Sarah grabbed Cameron by the collar of the dark purple blouse, which she was wearing and pulled her nearer. “Good. Me too,” she whispered before she brought their lips together.

As soon as their lips connected Sarah could feel her stomach drop and excitement vibrated through her cells, which doubled when Cameron started to kiss her back. 

It was gentle and slow at first, but soon Sarah lost her patience. She shoved the girl against the door frame so that they were disconnected but not for long. Sarah didn’t lose much time before she pushed herself into Cameron’s body forcefully and initiated another kiss. This one was more passionate and hungrier.

It was a thrill to overpower Cameron and it didn’t matter that it was an illusion, what made it so exhilarating for Sarah was that Cameron let her do it and played along.

Her programming was yelling at Cameron for her stop, but the sensations which Sarah evoked in her overruled everything else. They were just too powerful and made her programming fade into the background. 

She moaned into Sarah’s mouth when all she was aware of was Sarah. How she felt against her body, how she breathed heavily through her nose, how she held onto her with one hand on the back of her neck and the other one that had just slipped under the blouse and was now sliding over her side. 

Once Cameron had told John that she wouldn’t be much worth if she couldn’t feel and in this moment she truly understood what it meant. Besides all the wonderful feelings Sarah induced in her by kissing her with such devotion, Cameron was also thankful that she was able to feel.

Cameron lost her thoughts when Sarah wanted to deepen the kiss, brushing her tongue against the terminator’s lips. She readily granted the other woman’s request, opened her lips and met Sarah’s tongue with her own.

Sarah leant heavily against Cameron and was glad that the girl had her arms around her waist, holding her and keeping her this way on her legs, which felt rather weak by now. She heard herself groan and felt heat rushing through her body as their tongues danced delicately with each other.

*****

It was a good half an hour later that Cameron broke their current kiss or moreover their making out as hands of both parties had started to explore skin under fabric but only above the waist.

The terminator reluctantly brought some little distance between them. At Sarah’s disapproving and confused expression, Cameron explained, “John has just left his room. It is likely that he will come down.”

Sarah was short of breath and not only her cheeks were burning, but it merely took her a beat to answer, “Okay”, placing again one hand behind Cameron’s neck and nudging the girl to her to start another kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

At half past ten in the morning on the twenty-third of December Sarah knocked on John’s door. The door stood already ajar, but she felt a bit more hesitant than usual and waited for his reply before she entered his room. 

Sarah knew that she had to talk to her son, though she didn’t really want to. She would prefer it if she could avoid the uneasiness the conversation would probably entail, but sooner or later they had to face the subject. 

Just get it over with… no big deal. You’re a grown-up woman, you make your own decisions and he already told you that he’s okay with… whatever it is between Cameron and you, Sarah thought to encourage herself.

Last night, in the heat of the moment, she had made a decision. Spontaneously and not after hours of pondering about it like she had done in the past when it came to her… feelings for Cameron.

Sarah still wasn’t able to give the whole thing a name, but she wasn’t so sure it even needed one. The general rules didn’t apply to them and they were currently in an undefined state where everything, every development was possible. However, all she was able to tell was that she was attracted to Cameron, that she cared for her. Sarah accepted that she was different, special and so they were building bridges between their races and their differences, where it had seemed impossible before.

Yesterday, when Cameron had heard that John had left his room and that he was on his way downstairs, it had been Sarah’s chance to step away from her. They could have easily pretended that they were just having a little midnight talk and John hadn’t needed to find out like this, coming down the stairs in the middle of the night and finding his mother lip locked with Cameron under the mistletoe. 

But Sarah had let it happen, even though she wasn’t entirely sure why.

“Hey”, she greeted John in a soft voice and sat down on the edge of his bed. There were space rockets on his bed linen, a remnant of the boy who had lived with his family in this house before. Sarah decided that she would buy John some new bedclothes; she wasn’t exactly earning gold stars by letting her teenaged son sleep under a blanket with rockets on it. 

John was sitting at his desk, working on his computer. “Hey, what’s up?” he asked not shifting his eyes away from the screen. 

“Nothing,” Sarah shrugged, smoothing his covers with one hand and tracing the outline of one space rocket with a finger. She wished she had thought about what she should say to him and foremost how she could approach the subject. “I just wanted to check on you, see if you’re okay.”

John nodded absently and confirmed, “Yeah, I’m okay.” 

His fingers continued to fly over the keyboard, but he glanced briefly at his mother. He could easily read her body language. She looked uncomfortable and nervous. It wasn’t hard to guess what the cause of it was. 

John felt a little awkward himself, catching his mother making out with Cameron wasn’t something he’d expected to find, when he had walked down the stairs to get a glass of water. Although he had already suspected that there was more going on between them than they let on, neither Sarah nor Cameron had told him anything when he had asked them.

What he also hadn’t expected was the small, cold pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach and he quickly pushed it away by thinking of Riley, reminding himself that he had chosen her. Not that it would’ve made any difference had he decided otherwise.

When John had spotted Cameron and his mother he had lost his balance and stumbled, almost falling down the stairs. After staring at them for a moment longer he had pulled himself together, turned around and had gone back to his room, the need of water forgotten.

Once he had overcome the initial shock he had a triumphant smile on his face. After all he was the one who had helped Cameron to come to terms with her development, the things she was experiencing and feeling. He had also pushed his mother in the right direction.

John shook the memories off and turned somewhat on his swivel chair. “Seriously, Mom, I’m fine. I promise. So please spare us both the awkwardness of having this conversation at all.”

For once Sarah was thankful for her unruly locks, because some of them covered her burning cheeks and even more fell into her face when she looked down at her hands in her lap. “Gladly,” Sarah agreed with him. As long as he was okay, she could do without a talk. “But I still wanted to tell you that I’m sorry you had to walk in on us like that. It must’ve been a smack over the head…”

John tried to wave the subject aside, interrupting his mother this way. “No, it’s alright. I get it, showing me was easier than telling me,” he said, feeling sympathy for her as it was obvious how uncomfortable it made Sarah to talk to him about it.

“Yeah, at least I thought so,” Sarah agreed, snorting and combed through her dark hair with one hand. “But still… it wasn’t very thoughtful of me to throw you a curve like this. Sorry.”

“Apology accepted. Besides, not everyone gets the chance to see his mother act like a teenager, raging hormones and stuff.” John grinned at her shortly, not able to resist the jibe. Then he turned back to his computer. 

It felt good that they were getting closer again, that Christmas was near and that Cameron tried everything to get them into the mood weren’t the only reasons. 

Over the last couple of months he had tried to distant himself from his mother, not only because he was a teenager. It was also to become the man he needed to become in order to lead the resistance against Skynet. But they weren’t going backwards; it was a different kind of mother-son-relationship and he liked the way it was turning out.

“I guess I deserved that,” Sarah sighed, her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Just don’t take it too far; a Mom can only take so much teasing.” She stood up and patted him on the back of his shoulder, peeking at the screen. The emblem of the Los Angeles police department was resplendent on top of the opened internet site. “What are you doing?” 

John wasn’t sure how his mother would react. She hadn’t given him any instructions like that so he carefully explained, “I’m searching for leads, anything suspicious that might indicate Skynet. So I’ve hacked into the LAPD network to go through all the current reports.” 

Sarah nodded in agreement. “Sounds like a good plan,” she admitted, squeezing his shoulder. She was somewhat proud that John tried to take responsibility, to actively participate and that he came up with such useful ideas. “Just be careful that you don’t get caught, ok?””

“Of course.”

Sarah resisted the urge to kiss the top of his head and left his room, relieved that last night’s incident hadn’t revised his opinion of her and Cameron’s growing relationship.

*****

At quarter to four on the same day in the afternoon Sarah was on her way to the garage. Like several times before Cameron had again disappeared hours ago into the wooden shed and hadn’t shown her face once. 

Sarah was bursting with curiosity, why the terminator suddenly spent so much time in it and at some point she had given in, deciding to find out what Cameron was up to.

When she was only a few steps away from the garage, Sarah already had a good idea what was going on inside. She knocked twice, but entered without waiting for a reply. 

As Sarah had suspected, Cameron was dancing ballet. The classical music had given it away. 

It was the first time that she actually saw the terminator practicing. In the beginning Sarah only knew that Cameron had continued to dance after she had joined a ballet class in order to find Dimitri, Andy Goode’s business partner, was because Derek had caught her once practicing in her room. Of course he had told her about it, full of disgust and in hope it would fuel hers too. 

Since then Cameron hadn’t really kept her little hobby a secret, some days ago Sarah had seen the girl’s black ballet attire lying openly on her bed, but she obviously tried to not get caught again.

Unfortunately Cameron almost stopped dancing the second Sarah came in, finishing the step, posture or movement, Sarah had no clue what it was called. The girl went over to the work bench and turned off the small CD player.

Sarah raised one hand, trying to prevent Cameron from coming over to her. She wanted her to switch the music back on. “Please don’t stop because of me. I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” she said apologetically.

Cameron accepted the unspoken apology with a short nod. “You did not. I am done.” 

She wasn’t actually referring to her ballet practice, the dancing was just a cover. For most of the last couple of hours Cameron had worked on Sarah’s Christmas present and had finally succeeded in finishing it. She was rather pleased with the outcome.

It hadn’t been long before her sensors had picked up Sarah’s approaching foot steps, but Cameron had been prepared. She had already worn her black ballet outfit, so she simply turned on the music and began to dance just in time before Sarah had entered the garage.

“Oh… okay.” A small part of Sarah was disappointed, she had hoped that she would get more than just a glimpse of Cameron’s dancing ability. Maybe another time, she thought, feeling too unsure in their fresh relationship as to ask the terminator to continue and letting her watch. “Well, I wanted to tell you that I spoke to John… about what he saw last night.”

Cameron calculated that Sarah’s reasoning was very likely false pretenses. She knew Sarah and her need to be in control, not knowing what she was doing in the garage for hours had probably strained her nerves immensely. “You and me kissing under the mistletoe,” she specified, keeping her facial expression blank. 

Sarah bobbed her head a few times. “Yeah, that.” She made some casual steps towards Cameron, looking around the garage as if she was strolling through a mall. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, no hint that Cameron had been doing something besides dancing ballet. “He seems okay with it. Probably because he’s glad that his mother is distracted and will be off his back concerning Riley.”

With a questioning eyebrow risen Cameron asked, “I am distracting you?” As Sarah came closer to her, a protesting rumble went through her systems, making her wonder how long it would take until the synchronisation of her programming and her emotions were finished. 

Sarah leaned in slowly, pausing for second to catch Cameron’s reaction. When she saw the terminator closing her eyes in anticipation, she placed a brief kiss on Cameron’s lips. “Maybe a little.”

Cameron’s placed her left hand on Sarah’s hip, keeping her from moving away. “To focus on a certain task helps,” she offered.

A tingle of excitement rushed through Sarah’s body. It was such a simple touch, yet meaning so much more as it came from a terminator, who stepped outside its programming. “Well this might work for terminators, but it’s not that easy for humans,” Sarah pointed out, a sarcastic half-smile forming on her lips. “But I do recall that you weren’t that focused when you let the pancakes burn not that long ago.” 

Cameron registered the teasing tone in Sarah’s voice and stated, “You are mocking me.” Her hand slid upwards to Sarah’s waist, while her other one grasped the edge of the work bench so hard that the wood squeak under the force, an effect of the glitch.

Worry flickered over Sarah’s features, but she recovered quickly from it. It seemed that Cameron was gaining more control over the glitch and was now able to direct or at least influence its display. Better the work bench crashed and not one of her bones.

“Nope, just stating the facts,” Sarah answered with a grin, not letting the mood be destroyed and enjoying the little banter instead. However, she decided to change the subject and asked, “Which song were you dancing to? I’ve heard it somewhere before.”

Cameron noted Sarah’s interest in her favourite hobby with satisfaction and easily answered, “It is called ‘Sugar Plum Fairy’ and is a part of the composition ‘The Nutcracker’ by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. It is a very popular ballet, performed primarily around Christmas time.” 

Sarah was a bit surprised that Cameron had managed to keep the information that short. If no one stopped her she usually could on and on, reciting everything her database had to offer on the subject. 

She was close to asking Cameron more about ‘The Nutcracker’, but then she noticed something, her eyes on the girls exposed collarbone. “It’s gone…” She reached out with two fingers, lightly touching the artificial skin that felt absolutely real. “The gun shot wound.”

“Yes,” Cameron confirmed, her right hand clutching the work bench more firmly. Her programming could argue all it wanted against being touched by a human; she wouldn’t let it take over. She was making her own decisions. “Both wounds are healed completely.”

“Amazing,” Sarah mumbled more to herself and continued to gently stroke over the girl’s collarbone.

Cameron tightened the grip of her left arm around the other woman’s waist, drawing her in closer until their bodies came into contact. She could sense Sarah tense shortly, the old fear not entirely gone yet, but it only lasted a few seconds before Sarah relaxed again.

“Would you like me to dance for you?” Cameron asked and actually felt her synthetic heart skip a beat, when Sarah raised her eyes, surprise and delight shimmering in them.

Sarah laid her hands against Cameron’s cheeks, tenderly pulling her face forwards until their lips met. When they separated after several moments, Sarah said with a smile, “Yes, I would like that.”


	14. Chapter 14

At quarter past six in the evening on the twenty-fourth of December, Sarah was sitting with her legs dangling over the arm rest of a chair in the living room. She was by herself, she didn’t mind at all, and simply enjoyed the whole Christmassy atmosphere around her. 

The illuminated Christmas tree, the wrapped presents underneath it, and all the small decorative things, which Cameron had left all over the house, had a ridiculously relaxing effect on Sarah. There was even a fire flaring in the fireplace, though it wasn’t that cold outside. 

But Cameron, being as usually adamant when she had set her chip on something, had simply set the air conditioner colder when Sarah had tried to hold her back from turning the house into a sauna.

Now it was so cosy and quiet that it almost seemed surreal, a rare peaceful dream from which Sarah would wake up any second. 

If someone had told her some months ago what her Christmas would be like this year, how different from all the others before, Sarah would’ve laughed, a humourless and bitter laugh. Christmas was something for normal people, with a normal life and nothing of either one applied to her. 

But here she was, sitting right in the middle of it. And even as she had tried to struggle against allowing herself to take a step back from hunting Skynet and against Cameron’s attempt of procuring a text book Christmas with everything that came along with it, Sarah secretly appreciated the terminator’s efforts by now. Especially since she had found out the real reason behind it.

Sarah was so engrossed in thought that she didn’t notice that Cameron had entered the living room. Only when the girl was standing right in front of her, one hand outstretched towards her and offering a steaming cup, Sarah’s far away expression focused on the terminator. 

“Green tea with lemon,” Cameron answered the unspoken question, which Sarah’s risen eyebrow directed at her. “It is known for having several health benefits.” 

A small quiver of her fingers made her grip the cup somewhat tighter. She didn’t like it when she had to hold back information, but it was for Sarah’s own good. She probably wouldn’t drink the tea if she knew. What Cameron had left out deliberately was that one benefit was that the catechine, a component of green tea, stunt the mutation of those cells, which could cause cancer. A verified fact in which Cameron decided to believe. Whatever she could do to save Sarah, no matter how insignificant it might seem, she would do it.

Sarah snorted. “What, no Christmas punch?” she remarked sarcastically and further protested, “I don’t drink tea.” She made no attempt to accept the cup from the girl, crossing her arms over her breasts to underline her point. 

Even though her wounds from the incident in the alley were completely healed by now, Cameron seemed determined to continue playing nursemaid for her. Pampering was one thing, but treating her like she was already sick was something Sarah couldn’t handle. It made the lurking fate too real and too present.

Cameron stood firmly with her right arm still outstretched towards Sarah, silently waiting for the other woman to take the cup. The girl’s face was expressionless, but Sarah still felt rebuked somehow. Maybe because of the pointed chin or because of the ruthless look Cameron gave her. She didn’t know what it was exactly that Cameron was doing, but it slowly worked.

They glared at one another for a couple of moments, arguing without any words, until Sarah sighed wearily. She shook her head in disbelief that she was actually giving in. “Fine, I’ll try it. I hope you’re satisfied.”

“Yes, for now,” Cameron said, her expression still not giving away anything. But when the cup changed hands, their fingers were brushing over each other and Sarah could feel a short, sure squeeze of Cameron’s hands. She took it as a silent thank you and answered with a wry smile.

“How’s it going in there?” Sarah asked with a nod directed at the kitchen and gently blew into the warm cup between her hands. The tea smelled good, she admitted to herself, and inhaled deeply.

Knowing that her cooking skills weren’t the greatest, Sarah had nevertheless offered to help preparing their Christmas dinner. Of course she had been turned down with false pretenses like that she had earned some rest and that she didn’t need to worry about anything. 

Cameron took a second to contemplate her answer. “Dinner will be ready on time.” 

“That wasn’t what I meant.” Eyeing the terminator skeptically, Sarah wondered if Cameron hadn’t answered the question she had been aiming at on purpose. At least the girl’s face betrayed nothing. 

“I know,” Cameron admitted. As Sarah kept looking at her suspiciously, she straightened her posture even more proudly and added, “The situation is under control.”

Whatever this was supposed to mean. “Right.” With a helpless shrug Sarah’s gaze travelled back to the fireplace, ending their conversation. She continued to blow into the cup and rolled it between her hands, enjoying the warmth emanating from it. Cameron didn’t leave though; she just stood there and watched her. “What?” Sarah asked a little exasperated after several moments.

“You have yet to drink the tea,” Cameron pointed out, disapproval resonating within her voice. 

Sarah glanced back up at the terminator sharply, her eyes narrowed. Cameron looked like her usual neutral and innocent self, but the glaring in her eyes challenged Sarah to not argue with her about it. She snapped gruffly, “And don’t you have a dinner to take care of?”

Cameron tilted her head to the side, regarding the human, taking the readings of Sarah’s vital signs into account and considered her options. She could push Sarah further or she could comply. In the end Cameron opted for a third variant. “Drink the tea, Sarah. Please?” 

Despite herself Sarah had to chuckle softly. The puppy dog expression Cameron had put on was a little bit overdone, she was trying too hard, but it didn’t stop Sarah from being amused by it. Though she didn’t understand why Cameron made such a big deal out of it. 

Biting down on her bottom lip and pretending to ponder on the girl’s plea before Sarah finally agreed, “All right, I will.” After all it was just stupid tea and not worth to have a tiring, endless discussion with a cybernetic organism who never got tired.

“Promise?” Cameron asked. Her right hand moved involuntarily towards Sarah’s knee, her fingers were barely grazing over the fabric when she caught herself and drew her hand back. The need to touch Sarah was always present, an urge that had its own will, but not always was the right moment to follow it like right now.

“Cross my heart,” Sarah declared and made the corresponding gesture over the left side of her chest. To prove it she took a careful sip. Tea certainly wouldn’t become her favourite beverage, but it wasn’t as bad as she had thought either.

“All of it.” Cameron gave Sarah another pointed look before she turned away and headed for the kitchen. 

It was only a mumble, but her audio feed picked up Sarah’s words nevertheless. “How on earth do I deserve you?” Cameron looked back at the other woman over her shoulder and found Sarah smiling warmly at her, revealing that the words had a different meaning as they sounded. Cameron answered with a wink.

*****

Some time later Sarah was still sitting in the chair. She was dozing lightly and the cup of tea stood emptied on the coffee table beside her.

John was playing football in the garden with Derek. Sarah would hear them occasionally shouting things like ‘Throw it harder’ or ‘Throw it farther’ without disturbing her peaceful contentment. She had no idea how her son had convinced Derek to come and have dinner with them, but she was glad he had agreed. 

No matter how dysfunctional they were as a family, they still were one and therefore they should be able to be together for one evening without any drama.

However, Sarah’s rare moment of gratification found a sudden end when she heard arguing from the kitchen, which quickly grew louder. With a deep sigh she pushed herself up from the chair to find out what was going on. So much for some hours without any drama.

The scene which represented itself to Sarah when she entered the kitchen didn’t really surprise her though. In fact, she had wondered that it had gone well for that long. 

Cameron and Riley were facing each other in a standoff like position. Riley had her arms crossed, a deep frown creasing her brow and her face reddened with anger. Whereas Cameron looked unaffected and indifferent. But only at first sight, on closer inspection Sarah could make out a certain stiffness that wasn’t all mechanical, it was rather tension. Also Cameron’s hands were balled into fists. Not a good sign and not a good time for her glitch to make itself present.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Sarah wanted to know in an exaggerated cheerful tone, quickly walking over to the pair. She needed to keep the situation under control. If Cameron acted her glitch out, in front of Riley and with a high possibility that also John and Derek would find out about it, she might not be able to prevent that she were switched off for good. 

Neither Cameron nor Riley turned to look at Sarah.

“Riley uses ingredients and herbs which are not in the recipe,” Cameron said accusingly and with a dangerous undertone, the corner of her mouth twitched. 

Showing her desperation Riley threw her hands up in the air. “It’s called improvising. That’s what you do when you cook!”

Riley’s raised voice didn’t affect Cameron. What disturbed her was Riley’s unreasonableness and her unconcern of ruining their Christmas dinner. Cameron would not allow it; she wanted Sarah to have a perfect Christmas. “A recipe is a set of instructions. They need to be followed. Otherwise you will change the result,” she reasoned, her voice ice-cold.

Sarah’s gaze shifted uncomfortably from one girl to the other, caught in the middle of their argument and feeling somewhat glad that John was an only child. It was already hard enough to save the future with one son, not to imagine what it must be like with having two who argued and fought the whole time.

Riley noticed the terminator’s balled fists, but she swallowed the fear back down. She had a mission and she was getting closer. Pushing Cameron’s buttons wasn’t as hard as she had thought. Maybe she was closer to ticking Cameron off enough so that the terminator would hurt her. Riley tried to hide how pleased she was with herself and Jesse would be too if their plan worked out. “Really?” she asked mockingly. “That’s kinda the point, you know? You try to adapt the taste to your own liking. It’ll make it better.”

Sarah noticed that Cameron’s knuckles became even whiter when her hands clenched harder. Slowly and hopefully attracting the girl’s attention, Sarah pressed a little nearer to Cameron’s side. Closing her hand around the terminator’s fist, Sarah stroked over the back of Cameron’s hand with her thumb and her knuckles. She could feel the terminator tremble at the contact. “Let it go. It’s not worth fighting about,” she said as calmly as possible. “I’m sure John doesn’t want you to argue with Riley. She’s our guest.” 

Finally Cameron tore her gaze away from Riley and looked at Sarah instead, searching her face. “She will ruin it,” she objected, but the fist, which Sarah held, loosened slowly. She turned her hand around and intertwined their fingers.

Sarah’s heart leaped into her throat, missed a beat and then doubled its beating pace. She was surprised she was able to find a string of dry humour in herself. “Well, I’m ruining dinner on a regular basis. We’ll order pizza then. No big deal.” All attempts to detach her hand from Cameron’s were in vain, the terminator’s hold was steely. The fake smile, which she had directed at Riley, got thinner as she pressed her lips together.

The feeling of Sarah’s hand grounded Cameron, though it didn’t change her point of view. “Pizza is not an adequate replacement. It is not a traditional Christmas food.” She heard Riley sigh heavily, but she kept her gaze fixed on Sarah.

They were getting nowhere with their discussion and Sarah felt her patience diminishing. 

She cleared her throat and ordered Cameron with a stern look to let go of her hand. When she finally did, Sarah laid an arm around the terminator’s shoulders in what she hoped appeared as a motherly gesture. “Why don’t you keep me company in the living room until dinner is ready? And Riley will promise to stick with the recipe.” 

“Jeez, yeah, whatever,” agreed Riley and acted as if she suddenly didn’t care about it. There would be more situations where she could work on trying to drive a wedge between John and the terminator. 

The smile Cameron gave Sarah at her suggestion touched and warmed something deep inside the raven-haired woman. Cameron agreed with a nod, she led her away and towards the living room, her arm still wrapped around the girl’s shoulders.

When they were seated on the couch, Sarah took a blanket and covered them both with it up to their waists. She briefly patted Cameron on the thigh, saying “Settle down, girlie.”

Still Cameron wasn’t able to give up the subject that easily. “I want it to be perfect. For you.” Before Sarah could take her hand away from her thigh, she covered it with one hand, pressing it against her jeans-clad leg.

“I know,” Sarah said with a sigh and a small smile. “But not everything always is perfect. It doesn’t have to be, it can still be great.”

“I don’t understand,” Cameron admitted and her gaze dropped. 

“Not yet,” Sarah softly offered, squeezing the girl’s hand reassuringly. “And until you do, please try to not go all glitchy on Riley. You scared me.”

“You are still afraid of me,” Cameron concluded, losing her fingers from Sarah’s and drawing her hand back. Sarah’s admission stung, an ugly, sharp stab tightened her articifial heart. She kept her gaze on the blanket, closing her eyes when her tear ducts reacted adequately and unintentionally.

“You want to misunderstand me whenever there’s a possibility,” Sarah said. She took her hand out from under the blanket, lifted it to close her fingers on Cameron’s chin and tilting her face so that she could look into her eyes. “I wasn’t scared of you, I was scared for you. What do think happens when you hurt Riley? When Derek finds out about the glitch? John might not be so forgiving and tolerant when the changes you’re going through endangers other people.” She didn’t say out loud that the same applied to her. When Cameron’s development would become a threat to others, she couldn’t just ignore it and hope that it was a phase as part of the process.

Cameron didn’t reply anything. Sarah was right to give her a warning that there was a line she shouldn’t cross. She nodded in understanding. A tear escaped the corner of her eye, when she noticed that Sarah’s reason for cautioning her was that she was concerned about her. That she cared.

A second tear rolled down her cheek when Sarah brushed the first one away with her thumb.

*****

At half past eleven in the evening on the same day Sarah and Cameron were on the floor in front of the fire place. 

Dinner had gone surprisingly well; Cameron had even apologized to Riley for her earlier behaviour and had complimented her cooking skills. Derek had left shortly after they’d finished, while John and Riley had gone to his room. Sarah tried not thinking about what they were doing in there.

Cameron was lying on her back, completely motionless and with her palms pressed flat against the floor. She willed herself to not move, but it was getting harder with every passing second as Sarah kept kissing her and explored her body above her clothes. 

Sarah had ordered Cameron to stay still, to give her room to set the pace. She had no idea for how long she was kissing Cameron by now, but her lips were burning slightly and felt swollen. She also didn’t know when her hands had come into play, they wandered over the girl’s curves on their own accord and if Cameron’s slight trembling and quickened breathing was any indicator she wasn’t the only one getting turned on by this.

“Let’s move this to my room,” Sarah mumbled against Cameron’s lips, letting their breaths mingle. She hadn’t planned on making the suggestion; it had just come out of her. 

They had spent the last two nights together in Sarah’s bed, Cameron holding her in her arms while she slept, but apart from exchanging kisses nothing more had happened. “I want...” Sarah didn’t finish the sentence and trailed with one hand down Cameron’s thigh and up again on the inside of it to emphasise her point. She raised her head somewhat to watch the terminator’s reaction. She could see the uncertainty and hesitation in Cameron’s eyes. “What? What is it?”

“The glitch,” Cameron offered as an explanation, picking up on their earlier conversation. “I do not wish to hurt you.”

Sarah smiled and pressed her palm against Cameron’s cheek. “I’ve seen you handling the glitch a couple of times by now.” They both knew what Sarah was referring to. When one of Cameron’s hands began to twitch, she always had grabbed and squeezed an object never a person, not even Riley earlier. “You won’t hurt me.” She needed to believe it and found that she actually did. “I trust you.”

And suddenly Cameron was moving. She rolled around, swapping position with Sarah and pinned the other woman beneath her to the ground. Only a gasp of surprise escaped Sarah before Cameron leant down and kissed her to convey what those words meant to her.

When Cameron finally let her catch her breath, Sarah said, “Promise me something.” She tucked some strands of soft, brown hair behind the girl’s ear. “Don’t use one of your infiltration programs or anything like that. Ok?”

“No,” Cameron immediately disagreed, noticing the changes of her own vital signs which were associated with panic. “I need specific infiltration programs for guidance. Otherwise I will not know how to…”

Sarah interrupted her. “You don’t need a program to guide you.” She planted a quick peck on the terminator’s lips. “I will.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the final chapter and it's full of fluff. Seriously, it's ridiculous how fluffy it is, so you've been warned.

At quarter to seven in the morning on the 25th of December Sarah was woken by a warm hand placed on her shoulder, shaking her gently. She tried to ignore the unwelcome motion and shrugged the hand away, not ready to wake up completely. The hand wandered down the length of her arm until it reached her wrist and then settled down on her waist. 

Sarah gave a sound of appreciation when a thumb began to stroke over her hipbone, slowly and soothing. The sheet rustled behind her and the mattress dipped as a soft body moved closer and pressed against her back more firmly. Warm breath caressed her ear and whispered words reached her semi-conscious mind. “Sarah, wake up. It’s Christmas.” 

“Don’t want to, I’m still asleep,” Sarah mumbled and buried her face deeper into the pillow. 

It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Sarah that over the last couple of weeks her sleeping habits had improved somewhat. She was getting more and more undisturbed sleep, though her nightmares didn’t get less horrible and terrifying, but at least they were fewer. 

It all resulted in her not wanting to get up in the morning because it actually felt nice and comfortable to stay in bed. Seventeen years of sleep deprivation wanted to be levelled out. Besides it was Christmas morning, she was allowed to skip her work-out routine or postpone it til later that day, wasn’t she?

“No, you are not asleep, your vital signs tell differently. I want to give you your present.” There was the whispering again, lips were still against her ear and they lightly nibbled at it, before the voice decisively added, “Now.” The fingers on her hip curled slightly and dipped into her skin, causing an exciting tingle in her lower abdomen.

Cameron!

A very naked Cameron reminded Sarah’s brain her, when it finally caught up with the situation and threatened her with full consciousness. 

A pleasant shudder ran through Sarah’s body as the memories of last night came flashing back to her and she took a moment to reminisce about it.

//

Her first time with Cameron had been far from perfect, far from wonderful, and far from earth-shattering. There was no need to sugar-coat it, because Sarah hadn’t really expected any of those things, especially with a terminator without the help of an infiltration program to navigate her through the new experience. 

Instead Sarah had taken it upon herself to do the navigating, which had been exhausting and nerve-wracking. Sure, Cameron had done her research in advance and there was already an extensive section in her database dedicated to the area of human intercourse, still they quickly found that knowing about certain things could be far from actually doing them. Hence every little touch and motion had to be steered by Sarah, which had resulted in borderline ruining the mood completely. 

There were constantly questions from Cameron, most of them embarrassing and very private ones. But Sarah was stubborn and determined and also pretty damn horny. So there had been a certain urgency or furthermore the need for urgency, which Sarah had tried to suppress as best as she could. They needed to take it slow and tentative this time. Hopefully there would be other chances to be urgent and wild.

So they had started slow with Sarah hovering over Cameron’s form – all clothes shed and scattered on the floor – and her hands wandering delicately over the girl’s body, tracing every curve. But Cameron barely reacted if at all to her touches and when Sarah addressed the issue, the answer had been just as frustrating as the terminator’s apparent indifference. The still on-going conflict of the original program with her emotions basically paralyzed her, she was that much torn that she wasn’t able to move in either direction.

But – as already established- Sarah was stubborn and determined and also pretty damn horny. She also certainly was no quitter and did everything she could imagine to get the reactions she longed to see from Cameron.

When Cameron finally came, with Sarah three fingers deep insider her, palm pressing up against her clit and rocking against the hand rhythmically, her hips had jerked up so forcefully that it had knocked Sarah off of her and onto the floor. Sarah had sat on the floor befuddled for a few moments, then her gaze fell on the headboard, where now a hole was gaping – the force of Cameron’s grip multiplied by the glitch- she burst into laughter. 

Sarah couldn’t remember the last the time she’d laughed so hard that tears prickled in the corners of her eyes and her stomach was hurting. And the situation wasn’t even that funny. Something inside her, some sort of barrier, had been dropped or been pushed through, and in this moment – however small and fleeting it was - Sarah had not a care in the world and was free to laugh.

Naturally Cameron didn’t see anything humorous in the situation and simply leant out of the bed, grabbed Sarah’s forearms and lifted her back into bed with ease. “I would now like to reciprocate the favor,” Cameron stated flatly, but a tiny smirk gave her away. It wasn’t dirty or sexy, but still Sarah found herself swallowing hard at Cameron’s suggestion and her breath hitched in anticipation. “Okay,” she exhaled and nodded in response.

More instructing and guiding from Sarah was necessary. More embarrassment followed at having to orchestrate by giving orders like ‘harder’, ‘more to the left’, ‘slower’, ‘faster’, ‘softer’ and ‘deeper’. At some point – when the sexual frustration became unbearable and she couldn’t wait any longer - Sarah had actually slapped Cameron’s hand between her legs away, had ordered her to lie down on her back and to slightly bend her right leg at the knee. 

The confusion on Cameron’s features smoothed, when Sarah moved atop of her, straddled her leg and began to rock against it. “Sorry,” Sarah had whispered hoarsely as she supported herself by pressing one hand against Cameron’s shoulder while the other one glided between her own legs to bring her the release she really needed after hours of grazing the edge again and again, but never falling over it. 

What did it for Sarah to eventually get hit by her orgasm, shaking and moaning, was when Cameron finally did something on her own. She lifted her arms and laid her hands on Sarah’s hips, following her movements this way. It was small and simple, but Cameron did it without having to be requested to do so.

//

“Sarah?” Cameron’s low voice was back at her ear. Obviously Sarah had drifted from thinking about last night into a light slumber, the images of their sexual encounter following her.

The terminator’s breathing continued to tease her ear and her lips grazed it, the fingers on her hip had slipped a little further in the meantime and were now playing with the curls between her legs. Sarah took a deep, shaky breath and held it; her eyes squeezed shut and burying her teeth in her bottom lip. “Can’t you go back to sleep mode for a little while longer?” she asked, ignoring what her body was unmistakeable signalling her.

“I can, but …” Cameron started before she took Sarah’s earlobe between her lips and additionally scraped over the sensitive flesh with her teeth. “… I don’t want to.”

Sarah groaned and rolled over, facing the terminator now, though her eyes were barely open. She just glanced at Cameron, before she moved in closely. She tucked her head under Cameron’s chin, pressing her cheek to her bare chest and wrapping an arm over her waist. “Can we just lay here for a while like this?” 

Briefly Cameron reviewed their current situation and Sarah’s behaviour. She stated, “I did not consider you as a snuggler.” Her arms held the other woman in a protective grip, hugging her as close as possible to her body.

Sarah chuckled, pressing her nose against the terminator’s neck and rubbing it up and down. “I’m definitely not a snuggler,” she objected and pecked the skin in front of her. God, how much she had missed something like this. Just lying in bed, skin on skin, warm and comfy and as safe as she ever could be.

“You also do not want to have sexual intercourse with me.” Cameron said in a mixture of a statement and a question. Her advances had been clearly denied when Sarah had turned around and requested to just cuddle. “My performance last night was lacking, I was unable to satisfy your needs. Therefore you obviously do not regard it worthy to be intimate with me again.”

“What?” Sarah’s head shot up from her comfortable position on Cameron’s shoulder. “No, that’s not true. It’s not what I mean. What makes you say that?” She cupped the girl’s cheeks between her hands and frowned at her.

“You rejected my sexual advances merely minutes ago. The logical conclusion is that you do not see me as an adequate lover and as the physical part of our relationship is unfulfilling for you it is likely that you will proceed to a more sexual satisfying partner sooner or later,” Cameron analyzed, her lips pouting.

Sarah rolled her eyes at that, dropped her head so that their foreheads were resting against each other and sighed. “You know, for a highly advanced computer you can be pretty stupid.” She opened her eyes again and felt Cameron’s fingers on her back twitch slightly. 

Before Cameron could reply anything to her statement Sarah gave her a quick kiss on the lips and continued, “I’m not going to let you off the hook that easily, girlie, alright? Just because I want to…” She snorted, “… cuddle a little instead of jumping you first thing in the morning doesn’t mean I’m ditching you like a meaningless One-Night-Stand.” Her eyes skidded away from Cameron’s gaze and studied the patch of light freckles on the terminator’s left shoulder instead. “Besides, it wasn’t unfulfilling. I think we did quite good considering it was your first time and it’s been a while for me and with the glitch and the fact that you’re a terminator and I’m human… so it will only get better the more we learn about each other, it’s a process.” Sarah’s cheeks were burning hot by the time she had finished.

In one swift motion Cameron reversed their position so that Sarah was lying on her back and the terminator was hovering over her, their bodies only touching in the lightest of contacts. Her sensors reported the vital signs of the woman underneath her; they had picked up on the sudden elevation of heart frequency and breathing. 

Cameron raised her right hand and let the tips of her fingers ghost over Sarah’s collarbone. With an air of conviction, she said, “I am confident that I have gathered enough information on your sexual preferences to improve my performance and to completely satisfy your needs. There is also a large variety of positions, techniques and toys we have yet to try and which will further help us to find the most satisfying ways of pleasuring one another. The saying ‘practice makes perfect’ is avertable.” Cameron held their eye contact and she could not deny the satisfaction she felt when she saw the already apparent blush on Sarah’s cheeks spreading further down, over her neck and chest.

A small sound escaped involuntarily from the back Sarah’s throat, but she refused to acknowledge even to herself that it kinda sounded like a whimper. The thought of Cameron having an obviously long ‘to do with Sarah in bed’ list left her rather hot and bothered. She closed her eyes for a few moments, trying to clear her head somewhat. “Didn’t you say something about a present you wanted to give me?”

Cameron retreated from Sarah, glided over the mattress until she’d reached the edge of the bed and got up. “Yes. It is the morning of December 25th, the traditional time span in your culture for gift giving.” She had reached the bedroom door by now, hand on the handle. “You did not fool me with your attempt to change the topic. I merely acknowledged that you’re uncomfortable and embarrassed about discussing our sex life, even though I do not think that there is any need to feel this way. However I am willing to drop the subject for the moment, but we will continue our discussion another time.” 

“And where do you think you’re going?” Sarah sat up in bed, pressing the white cotton sheets to her chest. “Like that?” she emphasized this with a pointed look at Cameron’s naked body and a vague gesture of her hand. 

Cameron turned around halfway, meeting Sarah’s gaze. With the air of annoyance she stated, “I have to retrieve your present from the living room. It is lying under the Christmas tree as it is supposed to be.” 

“Clothes,” Sarah simply said and scowled. She had never liked it before that Cameron was sometimes running around the house clad in only her underwear; after all, John was a teenaged boy and hormones were a nasty thing, so there was no freaking way she was going to let the terminator leave this room completely undressed.

Cameron tilted her head to the side and regarded the human contemplatively, one eyebrow raised for few seconds, before she silently agreed with a nod. 

Sarah growled as she watched Cameron open one of the drawers, taking out a light blue shirt – one of those business shirts for men - that barely reached her thighs, and closed all buttons except for the top three, which showed of quite a fair bit of cleavage. “Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?” Sarah asked.

“No,” Cameron plainly answered. “It is quite the opposite. I thought you might appreciate it. During my research I came across some references that it is often regarded as sexy when a female wears a male shirt and nothing else. Does it not have the desired effect on you?”

Sarah let her eyes travel over Cameron’s body and took especially her time when she savored the girl’s legs and cleavage. “It does,” Sarah begrudgingly admitted. “But I don’t want it to have the same effect on John.”

This somehow pleased Cameron. She gave Sarah a small smile, picked up her jeans from the floor where they had landed the night before and put them on. “Jealousy can be beneficial for a relationship if it is in a healthy dose.” 

Sarah didn’t comment on it, but when Cameron had closed the door behind her she let herself fall back into the pillows with a load groan. 

*****

At half past eight in the morning on December 25th Cameron still hadn’t returned to the bedroom and Sarah was getting impatient and worried.

Just when she was about to put some clothes on to go find the terminator the bedroom swung open and Cameron entered, a tray balancing on her hands. With a small yelp Sarah jumped back into bed - for all she knew it could’ve been John - and pulled the covers up. 

With her food Cameron kicked the door shut behind her. “Breakfast,” she stated the obvious and placed the tray on Sarah’s lap. There were two whole-grain bagels, which the terminator had obviously toasted, cheese and yoghurt, a glass of orange juice and a small bowl of cereals with milk and a chopped banana in it.

Sarah eyed the tray in front of her suspiciously. It looked disgustingly healthy. She contemplated whether she should once again point out that she wasn’t sick – yet – or hurt and didn’t need for Cameron to play nurse. Instead Sarah asked, “Where’s my coffee?”

“Orange juice is a much healthier choice than coffee.” Cameron was already on her way back to the door, when her right hand gave a slight twitch. The other woman’s reluctance to eat healthy tugged inside her uncomfortably.

Sarah rolled her eyes and sighed. Over and over again she was having the same conversation with Cameron and as endearing it might be that the girl showed that much interest and concern in her nutrition it was equally annoying. “You keep telling me that, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want some. I’m not functional without my morning coffee.”

Cameron ignored the comment. “I’ll go and get your present now.” 

This time it took the terminator no more than two minutes to return into the bedroom, the promised package in her hands. “You haven’t touched your breakfast yet,” the terminator observed with a frown creasing her forehead.

“Cameron,” Sarah started in a what she hope was a sensitive and not too annoyed tone. She gestured at the tray and continued, “This is really… thoughtful of you. But it makes me feel like I’m already sick, like I’m more your patient as anything else.” She carefully set the tray on the ground and patted the mattress beside her. “And breakfast can wait a little longer. Presents first.”

The terminator went over to the bed and handed Sarah the package. “You are clearly not my patient and it was not my intention to treat you like one. I am sorry if my behaviour gave you the wrong impression.” She pulled down the zipper of her jeans, opened the one button at the top and wiggled out of it. “I am legitimately concerned for your health. Humans are fragile, but it was more intended as a part of my plan to properly court you. You said it would be weird if we went on a date; however I am determined to woo you appropriately.”

No response came to Sarah’s mind. She blinked a few times and continued to stare at Cameron, while the terminator unbuttoned her shirt and let it drop to the floor. “Oookay? I guess. I don’t really know what to say to that or what to think of it.” 

“Open your present,” Cameron said while she slipped back into bed next to Sarah.

A smile on Sarah’s lips appeared as she thought how naturally it seemed to be for Cameron to just take off her clothes and join her under the covers. As if they had been doing this for a while. She ignored how nice it felt to have the girl’s warm body pressed against her side and shifted her attention back to the box in her lap. She unwrapped it, ripping the paper carelessly into shreds and opened the box.

“It’s… it’s, um, a nutcracker.” Sarah looked confused from the object she now held in her hands to the terminator beside her. “Thank you.” She forced herself to smile. It was a strange present and she had no idea why Cameron would pick something like this for her. It didn’t seem to make any sense.

“You’re welcome. I made it myself,” Cameron pointed out, a hint of pride evident in her voice. “Even though I have very precise motor skills it was not an easy task. It took me several attempts until I was satisfied enough with the outcome.”

“It’s… nice.” It slowly came to Sarah that this was what Cameron had been doing all those times in the shed. “You made this for me?” she asked puzzled.

“Yes.”

“Sorry, but I don’t think I get it. Why would you make me a nutcracker?” she traced the surface of the figure with her fingertips. It was made out of wood and Cameron had also painted it accordingly.

“Are you familiar with the story of ‘The Nutcracker’?” Cameron wanted to know and when Sarah shook her head she explained the plot to her. There was – of course – a Prince. He was turned into a nutcracker, there was a fight of him and Clara against the Mouse King, the mice retreated, Clara and the Prince travelled to the Kingdom of Sweets, where the Fairy and the people of the kingdom performed several dances. “In the book the story ends with Clara waking up under the Christmas tree the next morning, the Nutcracker toy in her arms. Whereas in the original ballet story Clara stays in the kingdom with her Prince and supposedly marries him.”

Sarah continued to eye the nutcracker contemplatively, turned it from side to side. She thought about the meaning behind Cameron’s present, what message the terminator maybe tried to convey. She recalled that the terminator had been dancing to a part of the ballet story two days ago when Sarah had gone to the shed searching for Cameron.

After some moments Sarah turned towards Cameron. She leant in, closed her eyes and touched her lips to the terminator’s in a delicate kiss. “So you’re my little nutcracker?” she asked jokingly, drawing back somewhat. “Does this make Skynet a nut?”

“This is a valid analogy, baby.” Cameron’s expression betrayed nothing.

Sarah said dryly, “Don’t call me that.”

“Why not? It is a common term of endearment. If you do not like ‘baby’ there is a large variety I could use. Honey, Darling, Pumpkin, Cutie, Sweetie…”

“Lets settle on Sarah for the time being, ok?” Sarah huffed.

Cameron accepted this with a nod and moved on. “You can call me by any endearment you like.”

Even though Sarah was rolling her eyes at that, she also found herself mildly amused. “I’m not really one of those kind of girls, ok? I’m showing my affection when I call you ‘Tin Miss’ or ‘Girlie’.”  
There was silence for a couple of moments before Cameron gently said, “Merry Christmas, Sarah.”

“Merry Christmas to you too,” Sarah replied and got a small box out of the top drawer of her night stand. She handed it over to Cameron with an uncertain smile, watching as the terminator carefully unwrapped the gift. “Sorry, I didn’t make it myself.”

Sarah unconsciously held her breath and waited for Cameron’s reaction. She felt terrible insecure regarding the present, fearing that it couldn’t keep up with Cameron’s and/or that it was too sentimental as she wasn’t exactly known to be corny.

It was a musical box with a ballerina inside.

When Cameron opened the lid, the soft tunes of ‘Sugar Plum Fairy’ sounded and the tiny ballerina in a pink tutu began to twirl. It was total coincidence that it played a piece from a ballet the terminator had apparently developed something like a weak spot for, but as long as Cameron didn’t ask, she wouldn’t tell her that she had gotten it before she had seen Cameron dancing to the song in the garage.

“Do… do you like it?” Sarah questioned and hated how apprehensive she sounded. She cleared her throat and raised her chin.

Cameron looked up from the music box and at the human beside her. “Yes. I like it. It’s beautiful.” Closing her eyes she briefly brushed their lips together. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Sarah noticed her ears were getting hot, feeling a little self-conscious. “Merry Christmas, Cameron,” she said softly and squeezed the closest one of Cameron’s hand. Her heart fluttered for a moment when the terminator squeezed back. 

 

*****

At quarter to nine in the evening on the same day Sarah and Cameron were standing in the door frame to the living room. Their bodies were pressed together, Sarah had pinned the girl to the frame, leaning against her and her hands currently content to just hold her in a firm grip on her waist.

After all, there was no better excuse as standing under mistletoe and Sarah took once again full advantage of it.

“I like the mistletoe. Can we keep it?” Cameron asked at some point during their make-out session, pulling back just the slightest bit so that they were still sharing the same air with their noses still touching.

Sarah let one hand fall from Cameron’s hip and raised it so that her fingers were grazing over her cheeks. “Yeah, I think that can be arranged,” Sarah agreed, already making plans to remove the mistletoe from the living room and bringing it upstairs. Maybe hanging it over the bed. She kinda liked this particular piece of mistletoe too. It was where it had all had started, with a simple kiss from Cameron to her cheek.

THE END


End file.
